Elvira Quotes

“I can’t function around a man if I know his ability to give pleasure.”
― Kristen Ashley, Motorcycle Man

“Welcome to my nightmare,” Elvira muttered. “Though you got yourself a biker who fills his Levi’s so well he should be in Harley Davidson ads and has an off-the-charts ability to give pleasure so you can’t really understand my pain.”
― Kristen Ashley, Motorcycle Man

“Ohmigod! This place is so cool!” This was Tracy, who was sashaying into the warehouse looking around like she just hit the candy garden with chocolate stream at Willy Wonka’s. Her eyes caught site of Elvira who was in the kitchen. “Hey girl! What’s up?”
“Job satisfaction, beanpole, what’s up with you,” Elvira replied on a huge smile thus taking the sting out of her nickname for Tracy (I hoped).
If Cam was yin to Tracy’s yang, Elvira was yang to all of our yins.”
― Kristen Ashley, Mystery Man

“I was stuck back on “you can’t have two maids of honor” and therefore fighting back hyperventilation at the same time flashing pictures filled my head of a commando-style wedding; Hawk in black cargos, me in a white flak jacket festooned with lace. The picture of me carrying a bouquet of flowers and Hawk carrying an automatic weapon. The picture of me admiring Hawk’s huge-ass hunting knife. The picture of Hawk carrying me out of the reception in a fireman’s hold while bullets flew and flames caused by Molotov cocktails danced on the dance floor.”
― Kristen Ashley

“Suddenly one day I sprouted boobs. Not *just* boobs. Enormous boobs. When puberty finally struck, I developed faster than a Polaroid. In my mind at least, I remember going to bed flat as a board one night and waking up with ginormous breasts the next morning. It was like, whoa, dude - this is better than the tooth fairy!”
― Cassandra Peterson, Yours Cruelly, Elvira: Memoirs of the Mistress of the Dark

“Silence then, softly, “He threw a chair?”

I smiled at the dash but my smile was for me. Then, softly back, I replied, “Yeah, he threw a chair.”

“I’m thinkin’ Hawk don’t know that,” she remarked.”
― Kristen Ashley, Wild Man