Funny Dialogue Quotes

“Man, oh, man. He is one high-maintenance marsupial.”
― Sara Pascoe, Oswald the Almost Famous Opossum

“Oh, for goodness’ sake… Get over yourself.”
― Sara Pascoe, Oswald the Almost Famous Opossum

“Harper said, "But Snuffleupagus was real."
"That is the most wonderful sentence I have ever heard. I want that on my gravestone. Snuffleupagus was real. No more. Just that.”
― Joe Hill, The Fireman

“Emma, okay, enough with the singing. Mommy's getting a three-pill headache.”
― Jeff Abbott, Trust Me

“Or should I say that he is like the hand that is able to scratch your itchy parts with the perfect amount of strength!”
― Memeko Arii, ひとりじめマイヒーロー 1

“What coordinates?" he asked.
"For Byra," Cyan prodded.
"How in this blighted pile of rot would I know?" he snapped.
"Easy, tiger. I was just asking. Cyani, do you know?"
"The Union doesn't have a clue where Byra is. That's why they're paying you, remember?"
"So, you're telling me, none of us knows where we are going?”
― Jess Granger, Beyond the Rain

“Turn right in one hundred feet,” the navigational system’s Scottish voice cut through Claire’s response.
“Being interrupted by a Scottish accent sounds more sexy than rude,” she laughed, picturing a kilted Highlander warrior as the man behind the voice. “Very Outlander-ish.”
Suggie giggled along. “I agree. It’s impossible to be angry at a sexy, exotic GPS voice telling you where to go. It’s not road rage. It’s road romance.”
― Elle Jauffret, Threads of Deception: A Suddenly French Mystery

“Sparky?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you feeling everything I’m doing to you in my head?” he asked, looking around to make sure no one was close enough to hear.
“Yep, and I’m about to embarrass us both.”
― Z.A. Maxfield, Crossing Borders

“Mom,” said Lily. “When I’m Tristan’s age can I spend the night with my boyfriend too?”
“Oh, hell no, honey,” said Julia, giving Tristan a hard stare. “Tristan’s ship sailed a long time ago. Yours? Isn’t going to get out of the harbor. Ever.”
― Z.A. Maxfield, Crossing Borders

“You’re right,” I said. “You’re absolutely right. And there is only one way to clear this up.”
Vince looked relieved. “You’re going to talk to him about this like a mature and responsible adult.”
“What?” I said. “Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous. [...]”
― T.J. Klune, The Queen & the Homo Jock King

“So, I guess the point of this, which I hope to arrive at soon because I can’t seem to shut my mouth if my life depended on it, is that I’m not a zombie. I’m not addicted to meth. I’m addicted to you and I don’t want you to go anywhere without me again.”
― T.J. Klune, Tell Me It's Real

“AND NOW, I WILL TELL YOU of my plans to take over the Kingdom,” the evil wizard and total douchebag Lartin the Dark Leaf said with a cackle.
“Please don’t,” I said. “You really don’t have to.”
Of course he didn’t listen.”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“It might have gone better in my head.”
“I have a feeling that sums up your life perfectly.”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“I’m not getting married!”
“Then why would they print that?”
“Because the freedom of press has gone too far in this country? I don’t know!”
― T.J. Klune, The Lightning-Struck Heart

“Digger leaned toward Ty, raising his eyebrows. “And we can’t celebrate anywhere else because why?”
Ty rolled his eyes and looked at his feet, shuffling. “Because Digger isn’t allowed to leave the state for another year.”
“Because why?”
“Because we sent a CIA kill team to his bayou and he almost blew them up.”
― Abigail Roux, Touch & Geaux

“Have you looked in a mirror lately, big guy?”
“Of course,” Arne said, smoothing his hair. “How do you think I achieve this level of greatness every day?”
Kiran rolled his eyes. “I don’t know. Delusion?”
“Exactly.”
― A.M. Rose, Dream

“There’s no pineapple, right? I asked for no pineapple.”
“For the hundredth time, there’s no pineapple. Can you quit huffing down my neck?” Kiran complained, swatting at him.
“Are you sure?”
“You were there when I bought it!” Kiran said in exasperation. “Do you want to run it under a microscope?”
“Depends.”
Kiran gave him a flat glare. “On what?”
“If you have a microscope.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
― A.M. Rose, Dream

“SAM: [...] Like how I’m about to change your life. For the better.”
JUSTIN: “Anyone else, I might believe that. Coming from you, it sounds like a threat.”
― T.J. Klune, A Destiny of Dragons

“Okay, so look. It’s really rather terrible, but something I’ve learned is that when one falls in love and is happy about it, one wants nothing more than to spread that love to others, to see best friends—okay, okay, don’t growl at me, almost best friends, gods—experience the same joy of falling for someone. I love love so much, that I want to shove it down your throat so you know what I’m going through.”
“Sam.”
“Yes, Justin.”
“Are you telling me that right now, there is someone waiting for me to come to them to go on a date with them? Someone I’ve never met.”
“Um. Yes?”
“How are you a real person?”
― T.J. Klune, A Destiny of Dragons

“My diabolical scheme,” he repeated.
I squinted at him. “You do have a diabolical scheme, don’t you? I mean, you’re a villain, right? The big bad? It’s kind of in the job description, dude.”
“Oh,” he said. “Is it now?”
“Wow, you sort of suck at the whole villain thing. Am I going to have to tell you how to do this too?”
― T.J. Klune, A Destiny of Dragons

“I’ve got good hands, ask any of the plants around the house.”
I don’t speak cactus,” Drew said, amused.
“You don’t? How unfortunate for you, they’re hilarious.” Darian chuckled, leading the way.”
― A.M. Rose, Blindspot

“He sounds fun!”
Nick scowled. “He touched the food on my plate!”
“He sounds suicidal.”
― A.M. Rose, Whirlwind

“Why are you like this?” he asked, exasperated, and Felix actually gave the question serious thought.
“I always assumed Mother Nature had a burst of inspiration the day she made me,” he said, walking towards the door.”
― A.M. Rose, Whirlwind

“You’re a nightmare,” Nick huffed, looking at his watch. “And we’re late.”
“I’m an angel. Look at my halo,” he declared, flicking his finger to make one appear over his head. [...[.
“Yeah, you have a halo… and the dead body of the angel you tore it from is lying behind you in that trash heap you call your room.”
― A.M. Rose, Spectral

“Got any food in your apartment, or are you planning on continuing your diet of sunshine and dust bunnies?”
He let out a loud laugh at her description of his god-awful kitchen skills. “I wasn’t that bad.”
“You didn’t even have cockroaches in your old apartment, your food was that rotten.”
“They were just snobbish and spoiled.”
― A.M. Rose, Mischief

“I don’t need help in my journey,” he argued, and she threw him a look that would have made braver men cower in fear.
“No, you need a full navigational system, a ship captain, and someone to hold your hand.” She looked away with a dismissive flap of her hand.”
― A.M. Rose, Found in Obscurity