Funny Moment Quotes

“Does anyone know why Will left?" Charlotte demanded, standing at the head of a long table around which the rest of them were seated. Cecily, her hands folded demurely before her, suddenly became very interested in the pattern of the carpet.”
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Princess

“It was slushy snow,” I clarified.
“Very slushy,” Adrian confirmed.”
― Temple West, Velvet

“No, it’s fine. I know you’re late. Maybe we can talk tomorrow, but I’m going to be in and out all day.”
“That’s what he said,” she purred.”
― Dannika Dark, Seven Years

“Why is it women can never let a man have any fun? They just want to fuss about something.”
“They’re practical,” Austin said, shaking off some of the water droplets from his hair. “We live in the moment and they think about what’s coming. If they didn’t keep us in check, we’d fuck up the planet.”
― Dannika Dark, Seven Years

“Because you've spent years perfecting that permanent scowl and Katelyn makes you want to smile back.”
― H.S. Howe

“What are you talking about?” asked Julie. “Haven't you learned anything about who you are?”
“Oh, yes, I have,” I replied. “The problem is I'm an enigma wrapped in a California Roll of bull-shit.”
― Robert G. Culp, Knight School: A Mystic Brats Novel

“You’re dating Creed?” Anna’s dad asks her, his eyes wide.
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Creed’s dad scowls.
“Creed’s a great guy!”
Creed looks at his dad like he walks on water.
“That’s… that’s not what I meant!” Mr. Grant sputters. “I just don’t understand how Anna made Bear gay!”
― T.J. Klune, Who We Are

“Dominic is turning twenty-two, and most of the people coming are going to be cops! You know what? I changed my mind. Get the jumping castle so I can have you arrested for embarrassing the crap out of me.”
― T.J. Klune, The Art of Breathing

“I’ve told him to get over himself for years and just ask you out already. But he was always like, ‘Mom, you don’t understand.’” Her voice had dropped in an approximation of her son and it was glorious. “Sandy’s not like everyone else. He’s too perfect. You just don’t get it. God. Just let me sit here and stew in my man pain.”
― T.J. Klune, The Queen & the Homo Jock King

“Lunch,” I said. “I can do that. Like, you have no idea how much.”
“Good,” Kelly said softly. “Maybe we can go to the diner?”
I nodded. “Just … can you give me a minute? I’ll meet you out front. Don’t go anywhere, okay?”
“I won’t.” He nodded at the others and turned back toward the sidewalk.
I whirled around, eyes wide. “What do I do?”
“He’s literally standing five feet away,” Gordo said dryly.
I lowered my voice. “What do I do?”
Gordo sighed and turned his eyes toward the ceiling. “I deserve this. For everything I’ve ever done, I deserve this.”
― T.J. Klune, Heartsong

“You hit your head on a stationary object at the first sight of Kelly. Ox once walked into that wall over there, and then he banged Jessie.”
“That’s my sister,” Chris hissed at him, turning to glare over his shoulder at Ox, who seemed to be resolutely ignoring everything that was happening.
“I know,” Tanner said. “But it’s true. And then he walked into the side of the house at underage Joe in tiny shorts. And he eventually banged him too.”
I looked pleadingly at Gordo.
He shook his head furiously. “Leave me out of this. I don’t know the first thing about—”
Rico coughed roughly. It sounded strangely like bullshit.
“You made heart eyes at Mark,” Tanner accused. “For years.”
“I was trying to murder him with the power of my mind,” Gordo retorted. “I don’t do heart eyes. I don’t even know what that is.”
― T.J. Klune, Heartsong

“Maybe you can ride me.”
He choked. “Holy shit.”
My stomach sank to my toes. “That’s not what I meant! Forget I said that.”
“I don’t know if I can,” he said faintly. “That’s … wow. Just throwing that out there, huh? Dude, my mother is here. Whatever wolfy urge you’re having right now, maybe consider a little decorum.”
“I mean when I shift!”
“I’m really not into bestiality, Robbie.”
― T.J. Klune, Heartsong

“You gigantic dick. I was just trying to be your friend!”
Chris appeared in the doorway to the basement.
“You said you were going to piss on me!”
“Whoa,” Chris said, immediately turning around and heading back upstairs. “I do not need to know that. Is that a wolf thing? No one told me that was going to be a wolf thing. Joe! Joe! Do I have to let your brother piss on me or what?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Joe shouted, sounding outraged.”
― T.J. Klune, Heartsong

“I’ve never seen you act this way,” Mama said, sounding giddier than she should’ve. “I knew you could do it!” she declared, like seeing me in love was the most impressive thing I’d ever done. She said it in the same tone she’d told me she was proud of me when I’d graduated medical school. I wasn’t sure if I should be elated or offended.”
― Fae Quin, If Only In Our Dreams

“Why?” Joe asked.
Gavin was growing agitated again. He was twitchy, moving like a marionette, limbs jerking. “Why,” he said. “Why, why, why. Always why. Bennetts. Always questions. Always talking. I hate talking.”
Gordo looked startled. “Well fuck me. I guess we do have something in common after all.”
― T.J. Klune, Brothersong

“It doesn’t matter.”
They both looked at me. Kelly said, “Why?”
“Because it was all for nothing. You heard him in there. He doesn’t want … this. Our pack.” I almost didn’t say it. But then, “Me. This. Whatever this is. And I don’t care anymore.”
Joe snorted. “Yeah. Okay, Carter. You keep telling yourself that.”
I glared at him. “I don’t.”
Kelly squinted at me. “It’s like Mark and Gordo all over again.”
I reared back. “It’s not like—”
Joe rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Huh. I never thought about it that way. That’s … disturbing. But accurate. Grumpy asshole. Self-sacrificing asshole. Yeah. Okay. I see it now.”
― T.J. Klune, Brothersong

“Rico said. “He’s pretty much the most beautiful baby ever born. And I can say that with absolute certainty. I’ve seen baby pictures for most of the people here. You were all ugly compared to him. Especially Tanner.”
“Hey!” Tanner glared at him. “You know I was dropped a few times. It’s not my fault I had a weird-shaped head. Not cool, man.”
― T.J. Klune, Brothersong

“However, it’s not about the size of something, but what you do with it.” She blinked. “Oh dear. I think that’s another conversation entirely.”
“Mom.”
She grinned. “Yes?”
“You know what.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I was just asking Gavin about his cabin.”
Gavin glanced between us. Whatever else he was, he obviously wasn’t versed in innuendo yet. I dreaded the day he would be. But then he said, “Carter’s pretty big,” and I wondered if it was too late to send him back.”
― T.J. Klune, Brothersong

“Hey, Gavin. I got a question.”
“Yeah,” Gavin said. “You do. All of you do. Question, question, question.”
“Uh. Yes? Anyway. So, like, do you remember everything? About when you were here before?”
“Not everything.”
“Oh. But, like, most things?”
“Yes. You farted a lot. Blamed it on me.”
“Jesus Christ,” I whispered.
“I knew it,” Rico crowed. “Fucking Chris. You’re so gross.”
― T.J. Klune, Brothersong

“Gavin and Gordo were walking back toward us. Both of them had their hands in their coat pockets, their breath streaming behind them. Their elbows brushed together. I was struck then by just how similar they were. They even walked the same, though it might have been Gavin trying to be like his brother more than anything else. They were both scowling.
“Jesus Christ,” I muttered. “There are two of them now.”
― T.J. Klune, Brothersong

“Jesus Christ,” Tanner said. “Why the hell do they all talk the same?”
“It’s like they practice in the mirror,” Chris said, sounding bored. He puffed out his chest, deepening his voice as he mocked them. “I am death, destroyer of worlds. Bow before me or we’ll spill your blood upon the land.” He sighed. “You’d think they’d learn new material. We’ve heard all this before.”
“It makes them feel better,” Rico said.”
― T.J. Klune, Brothersong

“Lucas glared at Hank. Jabbed the knife at him. Motioned between Hank and Cavalo. Jabbed the knife again. Pointed at Bad Dog.
Hank didn’t appear to be put off in the slightest. “What’d he say?” he asked Cavalo.
“Said you better make sure Deke knows if he’s going to point a gun at someone, he’d better be ready to use it.”
“That’s all he said?”
“Yes.”
Lucas scowled at Cavalo. Waved the knife again.
“That wasn’t all,” Hank said sagely.
“I’m not going to say that,” Cavalo told Lucas.
Lucas pressed the knife against Cavalo’s stomach. The tip poked through the outer layers and dimpled his skin underneath.
Cavalo sighed. “And if Deke ever points a gun at me again, Lucas will cut off his arms and feed them to Bad Dog.”
And I will eat them with great satisfaction, Bad Dog said with a growl.
“And Bad Dog will eat them.”
With great satisfaction, Bad Dog instructed.
“With great satisfaction,” Cavalo muttered.”
― T.J. Klune, Crisped + Sere

“Do you miss her?”
“No.” He hesitated. “And even if I did, I wouldn’t have the right. I messed up. I wasn’t a good person. Not to her. She’s better off without me. I think she’s still screwing the gardener though.”
“No shit?”
“No shit. But I don’t blame her. He’s pretty hot. I probably would have done the same if I thought he was interested.”
“Wow,” Hugo said. “I didn’t see that coming.”
― T.J. Klune, Under the Whispering Door

“I don’t need help,” he stated.
Emmerson placed his pot on the coffee table and began picking up the random packets of chips and assorted junk food to hold up in a fist. “This looks like a cry for help to me.”
“I can’t eat now?”
“A normal person, I would say yes. You? Everyone knows you live on tea and disdain,”
― A.M. Rose, Whirlwind

“I shouldn’t be punished for your indiscretions,” Hawthorne said, still cool as a cucumber.
“I’ll order it. From your favorite place.”
“Will you remember by the time the day is out?” he asked. He was Elsa, but he wouldn’t let it go.”
― A.M. Rose, Whirlwind

“Welcome to Hell!” His voice boomed, the deep bass tone making the ground beneath their feet rumble and shake. Luc knew they could feel it in their bones. “You all know why you’re here, so we won’t waste a lot of time explaining. You’ve been very, very naughty in your lives, and now you get to spend the rest of eternity here. With me.”
He watched them take in his words, horror painted on their faces, screams echoing around the room as they shuffled farther away from him, the ones at the front clearly wishing they could just sink into the ground and disappear. “No need to be shy. I’m not gonna hurt you,” Luc cooed. He gave them a few precious moments to relax a tiny bit before grinning. “I have people for that.” He turned to Zorun to see if he liked the joke but got nothing but an eye roll from his second-in-command. Rude. “Okay, we need to be fast and organized.” Luc dropped the act, waving the clipboard and his colorful sticky notes in the air. “You’ll be divided by sin and sent with your group leader to the appropriate level. Your pain tolerance assessment starts in half an hour. You’ll be tested for various forms of torture, and then the most suitable one will be chosen for you. If you disagree with your torture method, you can fill out a form and appeal within two weeks. You will be reassessed if need be.”
― A.M. Rose, Hellfire & Bowties

“Um, boss?” Luc looked over his shoulder.
“Hm?”
He followed the tilt of Zorun’s four horns to the middle of the lobby, where a tiny figure stood all alone, looking at everything and everyone with bewilderment.
[...]
Luc walked over slowly, a frown on his face as he stared down at the young man.
“Why are you still standing there?”
[...]
“Name?” Luc asked, trying to get something out of the man. The human shook himself out of his stupor and held out his hand to Luc. “Oren.” “Okay, Oren, hi. I’m Luc,” he said, indulging in the silly little human display of politeness and reaching out a clawed hand to engulf Oren’s with it. His skin was warm to the touch, his palm tiny and fragile in Luc’s hold. “Why aren’t you with your group?” Oren kept the grip on Luc’s hand firm, looking around at the clusters of people huddled together, waiting to be led to their rooms. “I… I don’t have one?” He looked up at Luc, clearly confused. “I don’t think I missed any of them. Adulterers, thieves, traitors…” He ticked off the groups, looking at each one as he did, his memory clearly impeccable. He got to the final group then looked up again. “I’m not any of those things.” Luc boomed with laughter, letting go of his hand and finally breaking the contact between them. “Ah,” he said. “We haven’t had one of you in a while. Everyone, we have an innocent soul on our hands!” His words halted the slow shuffle of people and prompted a cacophony of laughter and slurs thrown Oren’s way as his demons mocked his delusion of being an innocent in Hell. “Thank you for the laugh. You can shack up with the liars,” Luc said, grabbing a yellow sticky note and pressing it to Oren’s chest. [...]”
― A.M. Rose, Hellfire & Bowties

“BUCKTHORN!” he bellowed, making the large dog scramble in his sleep, legs kicking and his entire body flailing as he rolled off the sofa and thumped onto the floor. He jumped up, tail wagging at the sight of Dylan for a split second before he seemed to realize he was in big trouble. “What do you think you’re doing, mister?”
Buck’s ears flattened and the puppy eyes that had no reason looking so cute on a dog the size of a small truck came out in full force. He whined softly, padding over to rub his head against Dylan’s thigh.
“Oh,” Dylan heard the man say from behind him. “Yeah, I get why he’d get away with that.”
“He doesn’t get away with it,” Dylan said, glaring at Buck. “He’s never done anything like this before. He knows better than to act this way while he’s at work, so I think three days with no bunny-hidey will be enough to remind him?”
He watched Buck’s ears perk up at the sound of his favorite treat but the “no” in front of it made his whole face drop. Buck whined, his tail tucked between his legs, and glanced up at Dylan and then at the poor man whose house he’d broken into as if looking for a way to apologize to him.
Apparently, it worked.
“I don’t know what a bunny-hidey is, but please don’t take it away from him!” the man exclaimed, looking at Buck with wide eyes and complete heartbreak on his face. “Look how sad he is!”
― A.M. Rose, Mischief