Humor Funny Quotes

“And if you dont come back from the dorm, I'm the one who has to explain to Micheal how I let you go off and get yourself killed like a Dumbass. First rule in horror movies, Clair-Never split up!”
― Rachel Caine, Glass Houses

“Man, my girl is one tough chick when she wants to be. I wonder if it has something to do with those
big, comfy granny panties she’s got on.”
― Simone Elkeles, Return to Paradise

“Was it a camp?" Daniel asked.
Sean nodded. "A naturist camp."
"Maya will feel right at home", Corey said from his spot on a wooden lawn chair.
Daniel sputtered a laugh and Sean tried to hide his.
"Naturist, not naturalist," I said. "It means nudist."
Corey leaped up and spun. "You mean old, naked butts sat on those chairs?”
― Kelley Armstrong, The Rising

“And all those things you listed right now, they’re
things Garrett and I do together. Dude, you don’t want me. You want me and
Garrett.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“I have a dream.
And in this dream I’m under the covers in bed, just a few scant inches away from Carter’s body. I stare at his prone form lying next to me, the greenish-blue glow from the alarm clock on the bedside table providing just enough illumination for me to see the shallow rise and fall of his chest. The sheet is draped low over his hips as he sleeps peacefully with one arm flung over his eyes and the other resting on his taut, naked stomach. I slide my body ever so slowly across the bed, careful not to disturb him, until I’m so close I can feel the heat from his skin warming me from head to toe. I pull my arms out from under the sheet and my hands reach out towards him. I connect with his smooth, muscular chest, slide my fingers up his body, and…choke the ever living shit out of him.”
― Tara Sivec, Futures and Frosting

“someone like Grace. Someone exactly like Grace, with her Ted Bundy rants
and her calming presence and—hello, irony.”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“I think you should experience it. You always say you want to experience things but I don’t think you actually want to experience things because you would experience it if you wanted to experience things”
― Kendall Jenner

“His eyes are a hazy swirl of
gray, like a thick mass of clouds gathering before an impending storm”
― Elle Kennedy, The Deal

“I broke up with her to avoid getting into a serious relationship with her, and now it”
― Elle Kennedy, The Mistake

“Sometimes it's good to be the smartest rat in the sewer.”
― Michael Houbrick, The Rat Pack of Hollywood Visits the State Fair

“-Now, before you begin to worry, the section of the goal tham I’m standing in is completely secure. No problems here. I`m not in any danger whatsoever.
-And the section I’m standing in?
-Well, the important thing to remember is that I’m perfectly safe.
-I’m stuck in here with the bad guys, aren’t I?
-Or you could be glass-half-full about it and say that they are stuck in there with you. Wich might make you feel better.
-It really doesn’t.”
― Skulduggery Pleasant Valkyrie Cain KIndom of the Wicked

“I hereby excommunicate you from the Milky Way!”
― Jerome Lawrence

“Oh yeah smart phones you would be very smart enough but i don't believe in your smartness until i could stand on you and you tell my weight.”
― Jaiendra Puri

“I couldn’t help wondering if she was gay. She was doing a good imitation of flirting, but perhaps it was just a ploy to keep me docile.”
― Sarah Vallance, Prognosis: A Memoir of My Brain