Jewish Humor Quotes

“Jews don't camp...The last time the Jews went camping, they spent forty years wandering in the desert.”
― Daniel Silva, The English Girl

“I resign," says Velvel. He takes off his glasses, slips them into his pocket, and stands up. He forgot an appointment. He's late for work. His mother is calling him on the ultrasonic frequency reserved by the government for Jewish mothers in the event of lunch.”
― Michael Chabon, The Yiddish Policemen's Union

“And this young man, where is he?"

"He had to go to his aunt's house."

"Why? He didn't like the cooking here?”
― Joann Sfar, The Rabbi's Cat

“The reflexive sense of wonder, of crying over a medal of the Madonna del Granduca and not knowing why, will be mostly replaced by survival and knowing perfectly well why. And survival will mean replacing the love of the beautiful with the love of what is funny, humor being the last resort of the besieged Jew, especially when he is placed among his own kind.”
― Gary Shteyngart, Little Failure

“The Tao does not speak.
The Tao does not blame.
The Tao does not take sides.
The Tao has no expectations.
The Tao demands nothing of others.

The Tao is obviously not Jewish.”
― David Bader

“Mina morbröder skämtade och skojade och parodierade sig själva genom att härma min mormors bakvända språkbruk. Efter några timmars vilda upptåg var släkten helt förvandlad och raglade omkring av ordberusning. I deras tillstånd av praktisk surrealism blommade den judiska humorn och försatte mig i en nästan svindlande extas. Jazzpianisten spelade klarinett och ingenjören hanterade det enradiga dragspelet medan de övriga slog på kastrullock och spelade på kam. Med rytmen sprittande i kroppen tvingade jag fram fiolen ur likkistan och lät stråken glida över fårtarmarna. Och jag frambringade toner som endast en tvättäkta neger kunde uppskatta. Det var rytmkänslan som brusade fram utan musikaliska ambitioner. Min högsta önskan var att bli neger.”
― Bertil Schütt, En skuggboxares memoarer

“On the one hand, I don’t know a single person who says, “Yay! Purim is my favorite holiday!”

On the other hand, if there’s any holiday concept more Jewish than “Here’s the awful story of what happened to your great-great-grandmother. Have a cookie.” I don’t know what it is.”
― Arinn Dembo

“You can't be serious. Your temple was destroyed two thousand years ago and you're grieving today?” Yes, as if it had happened only yesterday. “A lot of people have told me the Jews were crazy,” she said. “They were right.” Yes, we're crazy. “It's human nature to forget what hurts you, isn't it? Wasn't forgetfulness a gift of the gods to the ancient world? Without it, life would be intolerable, wouldn't it?” Yes, but the Jews live by other rules. For a Jew, nothing is more important than memory. He is bound to his origins by memory. It is memory that connects him to Abraham, Moses and Rabbi Akiba. If he denies memory he will have denied his own honor. “So you insist on keeping all your wounds open?” Those wounds exist; it is therefore forbidden and unhealthy to pretend that they don't.”
― Elie Wiesel, The Forgotten