Johannes Cabal Quotes

“Lo!" cried the demon. "I am here! What dost thou seek of me? Why dost thou disturb my repose? Smite me no more with that dread rod!" He looked at Cabal. "Where's your dread rod?"
"I left it at home," replied Cabal. "Didn't think I really needed it."
"You can't summon me without a dread rod!" said Lucifuge, appalled.
"You're here, aren't you?"
"Well, yes, but under false pretences. You haven't got a goatskin or two vervain crowns or two candles of virgin wax made by a virgin girl and duly blessed. Have you got the stone called Ematille?"
"I don't even know what Ematille is."
Neither did the demon. He dropped the subject and moved on. "Four nails from the coffin of a dead child?"
"Don't be fatuous."
"Half a bottle of brandy?"
"I don't drink brandy."
"It's not for you."
"I have a hip flask," said Cabal, and threw it to him. The demon caught it and took a dram.
"Cheers," said Lucifuge, and threw it back. They regarded each other for a long moment. "This really is a shambles," the demon added finally. "What did you summon me for, anyway?”
― Jonathan L. Howard, Johannes Cabal the Necromancer

“Cabal regarded her with mild amusement. “Smile when you whisper,” he advised her. “You’re supposed to be flirting with me, if you recall?”

She stared at him icily. Then suddenly her expression thawed and she smiled winsomely, her eyes dewy with romantic love. “Oh, sweetheart… somebody tried to kill you? Whosoever would do such a thing to my nimpty-bimpty snookums?”

Cabal could not have been more horrified if she’d pulled off her face to reveal a gaping chasm of eternal night from which glistening tentacles coiled and groped. That had already happened to him once in his life, and he wasn’t keen to repeat the experience.

“What?” he managed in a dry whisper.

“Smile when you whisper,” she said, her expression fixed and blood-curdlingly coquettish. You’re supposed to be flirting with me, remember?”

“Please don’t do that.”
― Jonathan L. Howard, Johannes Cabal the Detective

“He had pulled too many rabbits from too many hats; insanity had claimed him.”
― Jonathan L. Howard, Exeunt Demon King

“I did apply myself, Johannes. Very enthusiastically. Just not anything you'd find interesting.' He leaned forward and said in a confidential tone, 'My lollygagging was of a very high standard.'
'Get away from me, you vile sewer,' said Cabal coldly.
Horst's smile widened. 'You really have missed me.'
'I...' Cabal wavered. He closed his eyes and said, 'Yes, I really have.' He reopened his eyes and was relieved to find Horst looking somewhat surprised rather than smirking. 'I bear a soul now, Horst. A wretched nuisance much of the time. Much of the time.' He waved his pen impatiently at the momentarily befuddled vampire.”
― Jonathan L. Howard, The Brothers Cabal

“Removing his shoes, knotting the laces together, and stringing them around his neck, Horst rose from the cold, black water like a primeval amphibian with aspirations towards dapperness assaying a first journey onto land to spread the word about good tailoring.”
― Jonathan L. Howard, The Brothers Cabal