Lmao Funny Quotes

“You're on a road show with your penis, and trust me, I'm the last person who wants to get in your way. But I'm telling you, operation occupy-my-vagina is a no-go for the evening.”
― Addison Moore, Someone to Love

“You like my forearms?
No, not yours in particular. I mean, they're fine. Just, it's a sexy body part.
I totally agree. I just didn't know girls liked them too.
Oh, yes, Daniel. All girls like forearms. Every single one. No really, I've asked all of us and we all agree. We don't even agree about whether or not the long arm of the law should be able to reach into our vaginas, but we agree about forearms.”
― Roan Parrish, In the Middle of Somewhere

“I am so dying to know what cookies are slang for.”
“Probably his cock,” Jacob plopped down on the arm of the couch.
“Oh my God,” I said, taking a handful of chips. I needed the calorie fortitude for where this
conversation was heading.
Brittany nodded. “Makes sense then. I mean, with the whole not sharing cookies with ugly girls.”
“I don’t think he really meant that,” I said, popping a chip in my mouth. “So, back to our history
notes…”
“Fuck history. Back to Cam’s cock.” Jacob said. “Do you know, if cookies is a code word for
cock, then that means his cock was in your mouth.”
― J. Lynn, Wait for You

“Music social foul: no singing a song when another song is playing.
Double music social foul: don't ever fucking sing anything while Pink Floyd is playing. What's wrong with you?”
― Roan Parrish, In the Middle of Somewhere

“Brandt was in a room full of people all looking at him as he was about to get naked...When Brandt’s cock sprung free, there was a gasp from all corners of the room.
Nestor fanned himself. Bryce’s mouth made a perfect “O” in exactly the right shape to fit over a beautiful, plump cockhead. Donnelly just stared, blinked hard, and stared some more.
“What? You guys all look like you’ve never seen a dick before,” Brandt said, a touch of defensive anger in his voice.
“Honey, I thought I had, but I have been most cruelly misled,” answered Bryce.
--Dressing room incident #3”
― Xavier Mayne, Frat House Troopers