Real Time With Bill Maher Quotes

“People who call themselves divas...you are not a diva. I'm pretty sure you're a cunt.”
― Sarah Silverman

“Every day in America is a day with a shooting.”
― Bill Maher

“You don't need a weapon to protect yourself.”
― Bill Maher

“Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I’ll be damned if Rick Perry didn’t take me up on that.”
― Bill Maher

“New Rule: Any tattoo that has more than one line is too long.”
― Bill Maher

“That's not water. That's socialism juice. We should bomb Lake Erie.”
― Bill Maher

“The thing they're trying to stop is 30-million people getting health insurance. That's the substance.”
― Chris Hayes

“I don't want to say Monsanto is evil right off the bat, but why is Monsanto so evil?”
― Bill Maher

“You just got your nerd credentials back.”
― Bill Maher

“And, corny as it may sound, I do cherish the bond between me and the audience, the minority that follows my stuff and always makes me glad it's us against the world.”
― Bill Maher, New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer

“I'm not a Christian, but I have read his book.”
― Bill Maher

“Fake it. We know you can do that. We’ve seen your sex tape.”
― Bill Maher

“He sold Syria way better than he sold this.”
― Bill Maher

“Politically Incorrect was the name of the show Bill Maher hosted in the 1990s. It's also an apt description of the man himself. Now host of -- HBO's hit show Real Time, I find Maher to be one of the sharpest observers of American politics and life in general out there. It doesn't mean I always agree with him. I always find him funny, though.”
― Fareed Zakaria