Sarcasim Quotes

“No. Absolutely not.'
'Simon,' she said. 'It’s a perfectly fine plan.'
'The plan where you follow Jace and Sebastian off to some unknown dimensional pocket and we use these rings to communicate so those of us over here in the regular dimension of Earth can track you down? That plan?'
'Yes.'
'No,' he said. 'No, it isn’t.'
Clary sat back. 'You don’t just get to say no.'
'This plan involves me! I get to say no! No.'
'Simon—'
Simon patted the seat beside him as if someone were sitting there. 'Let me introduce you to my good friend No.”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls

“When you are being judged by someone that has no idea who you are always remember this: Dogs always bark at strangers and usually there is always some wacko neighbor that wants to try out their new gun on an intruder.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“When you’re in love with two people, always choose the second. The fact that you are constantly thinking of the second person makes it obvious that the first will never fulfill you, unless the second person did not fulfill you either. At this point, you have to choose the third person because God is getting a little tired of your inattention and indecisiveness, and is planning on sending a fourth person into your life just to slap you around with the bible for not entering the promised land.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“Look at the world and think about a catastrophic disaster where the cell phone towers went dead. How would you ever be able to 'TEXT" your next door neighbor to see if they were okay”
― Stanley Victor Paskavich, Return to Stantasyland

“It wasn’t because you weren’t beautiful, talented, funny, creative or had everything in common. It was because some men prefer plain vanilla ice cream. It’s predictable and a safe choice. Confident and adventurous men prefer the complexity and layers of a sundae, even the ones sprinkled with a little bit of nuts on top.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“Nowhere in the bible did it say, “Only show compassion and empathy to those you can trust.” If we did that, we would be burying homeless people every day.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“I don’t argue with fools; I educate.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“So I pulled the ridiculously small, unwrapped, box from the sleeve of my yukata (as they don’t have pockets) and rather overly self-consciously handed it to her. She took the pitiful little box, held it up to her ear and gave it a cautious little rattling shake. -You didn’t just put a couple of dried old beans in here, as a joke, did you? She suddenly glared at me suspiciously.
I heard a stifled bark from Yumi at that, and a deep gasp from Uncle Suzuki and Aunt Anda, followed by a moment of silence. -Of course not, you silly old goose, I snapped back, -just open it and you’ll see what’s inside!”
― Andrew James Pritchard, Sukiyaki

“Some quotes aren't worth typing.”
― Melanie Kay Taylor

“You really know how to make a person sound like a hermit."
"If the sagging spot on the couch fits.”
― Ottilie Weber, Beneath the Scars

“I read you guys your bedtime story, go to bed!" my sister shouted as she put water into the
kettle.

"But Mom," a small voice whined. I smirked, ready for what my sister was about to bestow.

"But nothing, you two bet—-"

I interrupted, unable to control myself. "Get back into bed before the monster tries to bite your
ankles!”
― Ottilie Weber, Beneath the Scars

“I glanced over, he was still looking at me. ''Uh... do you need something?''
''No.''
''Oh, okay.''
''It's just...'' he leaned in, ''...you have an onion ring taped to your back.''
''...Excuse me?''
''There is a ring of onion applied to you back with an adhesive strip.''
I searched his eyes, he seemed amused, but sincere.
My hand flew to my back with a look of horror and there it was, with ketchup and everything.”
― Maddie Hample

“Two hotheads traveling together through dangerous territory. Nothing disastrous about that combination. No, not at all.”
― Becky Moynihan, Adaptive