Sexual Situations Quotes

“Much of what I write about is something I experienced and the rest can be found in academic books that are footnoted. What is not usually found in academic books is s-x or s-xual situations. We all know that s-x existed in the past but few writers include it in their books but again don’t look for me to footnote any of these happenings but it’s all true or at least fact based!”
― Captain Hank Bracker, "Salty & Saucy Maine",

“One evening, as I carefully prepared my dollies for bed with their silky pajamas and pin curls, my mom literally threw a red book at me from across the room with a 'Here. Read this. Let me know if you have any questions.' It took me half a day to get through, and afterward, oh, did I have questions. The book contained the most explicit descriptions of every sexual proclivity in existence - I had a lot of questions:

'Is it the man that pees on the woman or the woman that pees on the man?'

'What if you forget your safe word?'

'Do we have any shlurp bars in Toronto?'

'What's your safe word?'

'What if you go to shrimp someone and they haven't washed their feet?'

'What should my safe word be? Is alphabet soup to obvious?'

Soon, not only was I familiar with the basics of male-female sexual intercourse, I could explain in great detail what bukkake was. I could give you a rundown on a Cincinnati Bowtie, or perhaps even take you through the intricacies of a German Scheisse video.”
― Samantha Bee, I Know I Am, But What Are You?