Poet Talk discussion

So, if you wish to post a poem that you want others to read and then tell you what they think, post here. :) Please only give helpful critique.

I run through lives dying
Remembering their laughs
Their dreams burn my sight
Tears against my cheeks
My legs cry in pain
But I have to get away
The dead hunt me down
Their vines around my chest, my arms, my legs, my head, my hips
Trying to bring me down, wanting me to join them
Their thorns dig into my body, reaping open my skin
Warm blood slides out and freezes when reaches the snow
Perfect frozen red drops lay on the ground, leaving a trail to be fallowed
My hair flies behind me, escaping from their deadly grip
I trip, gasping for air as my ribs crash into my lungs
I can feel my hipbones against the cold
I can feel them through my clothes, a cold that burns
Her deathly hands turn me around
Now facing her I stared into her ghostly eyes
With tears on her cheeks, she whispers to me
“You won and I lost…”

this pome make me cry:"(

I am sorry, I didnt mean to make anyone sad

its awsome u dnt no...
i am in luv wid this pome

thanks, that means a lot. Its the first positive answer I have gotten from it, I was a little scared to post it. my teacher said it was a clichee, in that in her view could be inproven a lot. Thanks

Depression
is just one of those things
that refuses to leave you.
Even if you've won your battles
even if you can always smile
even if it seems it's over
it's not.
Because it's still there,
standing in the corner of your mind,
watching you dance like a little child,
a sly smile on it's face,
planning it's next attack.

awsomeeeeeeeeeeeee Jasny...its true:)

Thanks, Hafsah. :)

My Plasure Jasny:) <3

I was a good liar.

I built my shell out of solid rock, so no one could see the inside.

No, of crystal. Beautiful, shining crystal. They were too blinded by the beauty to see the ugliness on the inside.

My crystal shell, so gorgeous and pristine and perfect.

Each day, my shell prevented me from being hurt. Any nasty words or mean faces or stressful jobs would be a tiny tap. Nothing could destroy my crystal shell.

But everyday, the taps turned into knocks, then into chisels, breaking my shell.

I held my breath.

Knock knock knock on the little girl's shell. Let's see how long it will take for her to

b r e a k.

Cracks formed. People were confused. What was happening to the perfectsweetgoodgirl's shell?

I was going to break.

I broke.

I love this poem so much Jasny, its so good, it really speaks what others are not strong enough to say

Light drags itself into my sleep
Its fingers trying to force open my eyelids
My hand reaches out
draping darkness around my shoulders

The stories that light can tell me
Are no pleasure
how it can show me
my own shadow is more awake than my self

I think to my self
a bookless library
empty
my body slowly rotting

I am surprised that others cant smell it
the decomposition of paranoia

When ever i was alone you were with me
When ever i get sad you was with me
When ever i wants to cry you give me your sholder
why you go far from me
I need you to hug me
I love you mom
i really do

A million stars up in the sky
one shines brighter I cant deny


A love so precious a love so true
a love that comes from me to you

The angels sing when you are near
within your arms I have nothing to fear

You always know just what to say
just talking to you makes my day

I love you honey with all of my heart
together forever and never to part.

Hami wrote: "A million stars up in the sky
one shines brighter I cant deny


A love so precious a love so true
a love that comes from me to you

The angels sing when you are near
within your arms I have nothing..."

Aww that is such a cute poem:) I wish I could write those type

Take me away to some place real
Let the fish fly
Turn my bones into wings
And let my demons be killed



Show me home
Wrap your arms around my future
Shape it to your will
And let our kisses turn to foam

Let your dreams grow
Let faith arrive
Feathers belong in the sky
Count my bones and kiss my hope

Bury my past behind goodbye
Whisper our future hello
Let your comfort rest on my shoulders
My scars will heal with time


Let me dance in your arms
let the wind take the lead
our souls will find their home
and free the world of harm

You lit the shadows with fire
You made them run away
You said lets go find home
You rescued me from the liar

Take me away to some place real
Let the fish fly
Turn my bones into wings
And let my demons be killed



As long as we are together
I will leave the rest behind

outstanding pome:)

thanks that means a lot :)

I sit in the darkness
knees pressing agaisnt ribs
hard to breath but it has always been
I sigh closing my eyes
doesnt matter if they are open or close
its still the same shadows
the same ghosts who haunt me
but at least with closed eyes
I cant control them a little
they wont come anc choke me in the night
they wont come and scream
fat/ugly/stupid/useless/mistake/fat/worthless/shame/guilt/fat
they will crall under my bones, in the silence
the echo under my ribcage
the whispers under my collarbones
they will sing me to sleep
hug me tight
let the air sink out of me
let it spill
as life
slowly
slowly
and this fat girl
will disappear
slowly
slowly
they kiss her
slowly
slowly
they fill the last smile
paint it on her lips
let her have the last moments
as happy ones
as ones she wont regret
the blade far away
and the stomach empty
she will smile her last time
slowly
slwoly
her heart will stop

I saw you for the first time
You was looking cute and Alas!
I looked into your eyes
You hold my hand and i smile
We walked at the sea side
Holdings hands togather
He said "i luv you"
I just smile..and answer him back
Our footsteps left behind
And we walked away
Togather,Forever<3 <3

This is such a cute love poem, how do you write this? <3

((not exactly a poem but I wander critique:))

I stared down at the pages as I walked through the hall, every voice melting into nothing, whispers started to grow tangleling around me and pushing my air out. Every eye turned my way, each stare felt like a cut, deep into my skin,back, arms, legs...I felt blood starting to run down my cheeks, sliding down my neck, each cut grew bigger and deeper as they stared and the whispers got louder and louder.I tried my best to concentrate on the words, blood started to drip down off my neck staining the pages, each drop was absorbed and made bigger and bigger, they where growing too, no way to escape. I finally gave up, slamming the book shut and holding it tight I ran down the hall, whispers growing louder and louder, tears started to blur my sight, the salt in them burned my cuts in my face and neck. I burst out the door and kept on running, I had to get away from the stares that cut deep into me.
My eyes where covered with tears, I couldnt see where I was going, I tripped over my own feet and fell to the ground, holding tighter to my book I pulled my self up and kept on running, I felt warm liquid slid down the palm of my hands staining the cover of the book. I kept on running, tripping over roots and twigs, old holes and rocks, I must have fallen over 10 times, my legs cried in pain each time I pulled my self up and made them move.
I finally gave up and collapsed into the cold arms that hugged me close to the ground.