The Creative Writer's Toolbelt discussion

Hi Andrew and other Tool Belters:

I've written myself into a plot issue and need some help.  Novel is a Spy Thriller/Romantic Comedy – think Whoopi Goldberg in Jumping Jack Flash or James Bond meets Bridget Jones.

In this scene MC is effected by a truth serum. It’s presently written as being in a bottle of champagne, but that means the other characters who drink it will also be effected. Considering putting it in a patch or in the fabric of a dress given to the MC by the antagonist. It’s important MC and the other MI5 staff don’t realise she’s been given truth serum. The small amount she absorbs causes her to babble too much and it places her relationship with her spy fiancé in jeopardy. A pharmacist friend researched for me and ‘truth serum’ is always injected. This would cause the MC to reveal reveal much more than she does in this scene. I  need her to say just enough to cause trouble but not enough to cause her to be tried for treason.  

 Does this sound hokey?  She won’t learn the babbling was drug induced until the antagonist kidnaps her. Sodium Pentothal is also used in injections as truth serum.

The novel is funny, but not overly spoofy with the spy elements. I need this to sound more believable. I’ve considered making up a drug name.  All thoughts are appreciated.

If it's a comedy, I really wouldn't be too concerned with it sounding more believable. You could say its an experimental drug in which the antagonist somehow lifted the formula from MI5 or some lab and that the truth serum was developed to be delivered without injection--and that the dosage amount determines the amount of truth the target spills.

This is the great thing about being a writer...you can create things that don't exist. If this were a more serious thriller, it might not work as well, but being comedic I think you can pick your poison (pun intended) and run with it.

To take it further, get a few more comments here and write the scene using each suggestion...then give each section to four or five beta-readers and get them to score each section. Who knows, when all that is said and done, you might end up combining some of these suggestions together.

Good luck.

-CJT

Thanks Christopher. Appreciate the suggestion. Will try your method. I'm on my third draft and approaching that scene soon.

Hi Rae

I also have moments when I'm wrestling with a plot point and with the age old tension of "is it believable" vs "does it fulfill my purpose in the plot?"

I'm with Christopher on this, I think you'll be okay with the idea you have, although you can finesse it a bit to make it work smoothly. Here are a few ideas:

- the serum is in champagne, the antagonist pours out the champagne into his/her glass, a glass for MC, and maybe one or two of the antagonists goons. he/she then proposes a toast - to the Queen? To the president? To whoever. It might be a good comedic moment if the antagonist proposes a slightly crazy toast - but does it completely dead pan. The antagonists team then pretend to drink the champagne, but don't, and the MC actually sips some. The party then move on to do whatever they were going to do with MC affected by the serum the rest not.

- the serum itself. Maybe a new formula which, administered in it's pure state is highly effective, but mixed with alcohol actually has a reduced effect. Or maybe mixing it with alcohol makes it really potent! Anyway, I think you could play with the serum + alcohol idea- this might solve the issue of her saying just enough for your plot.

I hope this helps

Thanks
Andy

Thanks Andy. Both of you have confirmed what I was wanting. In this case the a antagonist is not with her, but Antagonist 2 has used her room mate to give her the champagne. Antagonist 1 has laced the dress with a scopalomine like substance which mixed with alcohol has made her loopy and loose lipped.

I like the ideas offered for Raenforest. This is one factor where movies have some advantage - before you can say "wait a minute - that's ridiculous" the visuals drag you along. In a book, readers can stop and think - even go back! Consistency may be more important that accuracy.

Raenforest wrote: "Thanks Christopher. Appreciate the suggestion. Will try your method. I'm on my third draft and approaching that scene soon."

You're very welcome. Good luck with the book! :-)

Christopher wrote: "get a few more comments here and write the scene using each suggestion...then give each section to four or five beta-readers and get them to score each section. ."

I second that this suggestion is a good one. I never thought of writing all the possibilities then sending them out to see how they're received. Cheers, I'm sure I'll use this method sometime

Raenforest wrote: "A pharmacist friend researched for me and ‘truth serum’ is always injected/I need her to say just enough to cause trouble but not enough to cause her to be tried for treason. "

I've never heard of lacing clothes with it before. I think this is cool.

I did have something come to mind, though, when I was reading your post. But, I must say it feels almost so simple that I fear that might mean it's a cliché (beyond Bond I'm not up on the spy stories). The idea was that the drug could be administered by a pin.

I'm not sure what the event is but say it was a charity ball or a wedding, for example. The guests all have something attached to them by stewards at the reception on the way in—cancer ribbon, WWI Poppy, red or white ceremony flower etc—and the antagonists friend, who is a steward, purposefully pricks MC with the pin. This should solve the problem of others being effected and also limit the amount of serum she gets.

Like I said, it could be too simple... but maybe that works for 'believable, funny but not over spoofy'

All the best with whatever you end up choosing

Thanks Ted. When I've rewritten that scene, hopefully in next week, I'll ask for some beta readers.