The Writers' Network! discussion

Five Stars!

I absolutely loved this book! Jean Gill is a gifted writer in her ability to paint detailed descriptions of the dark ages in Southern France and Northern Spain.

The story begins with Estela laying in a ditch and having to think on her feet to stay alive. Her intelligence, talent and upbringing prepares her for much of her adventure and the rest, she learns along the way.

Even though this is a man-meets-girl story, the reader gets much more. As a history buff, I appreciated the research that went into Song at Dawn; 1150 in Province (The Troubadours). Not only will you experience lifestyle, music and language of the day, the reader will understand what politics really meant to both rulers of men and rulers of mens' souls.

I was impressed with how the author wove Christian, Jewish and Muslim customs into the tapestry of actual history, all the while showing that every religion can produce good and evil. You learn, along with Estela, what religious tolerance really is, and my suspicion, the authors own interpretation, without being preachy or preferential.

Jean has the rare gift of phrase-turning, so you got the gist of the characters meaning in an (often) humorous and non-wordy way. The only downside to this, would be the few times I could not "get" what the character meant by an aphorism or saying. Even rereading it did not make it clear.

As a footnote, Jean's writing style doesn't use the traditional "tags" I'm accustomed to. It didn't hinder my understanding of who said what, with a few exceptions where I had to reread it.

The characters, real or imagined, were shown in the breadth of their humanity or depravity, giving a cross section of human nature in its finest and at its worst.

Her writing style is unique. I'll sure I'll be reading this again.

5 stars for Moonshadows

This novel had the perfect blend of paranormal and romance. The reader is able to clearly see how torn Mira is about being turned into a werecat and what she does to protect her boyfriend from its dire consequences. I like how the boyfriend is there to protect his woman at all costs.

This story has several different elements thrown into the mixture. You get a bit of romance, mystery and a hint of thriller all for the great price of one book.

1/2 Star for Another New York Murder

I really wanted to like this book. I really did. The premise sounded promising. A has-been journalist with an ego the size of Mt. Everest, “needs to get back in the game.” So he convinces a cop to help him fake a serial killer so he, Julian Jones, can write stories about it.

Chris Shepherdson’s main character, Julian Jones, has a limited vocabulary since he drops “f” bombs with regularity. In fact, most of the men in this book have a limited vocabulary. I counted 50 “f” vulgarities before I got 24% through the book. (There are no chapters, only Part One and Part Two).

I had so many problems with this book that after about 30%, I skimmed through the remainder. First, it appears as if Chris wrote Another New York Murder in one sitting; no editing, no corrections, no spell check. Spacing and punctuation errors abounded, and periods appear to be optional.

Writers are supposed to “show” the reader what happens, “telling” should be the lesser of the two. Unfortunately, Chris “tells” practically the whole story in a stream-of-consciousness way with minimal dialogue. He appears to be consumed with movies, movie stars, expensive clothes, and how many women his characters can bed. Most of the characters in the book were self-centered, egotistical, cynical, foul mouthed and amoral.

On top of that, Julian Jones, the so-called brilliant journalist, didn’t write his news stories to include the "Who", "What," "Where," "When" and "Why" taught in any journalism class. Worse, the reader is supposed to believe Julian could get away with writing anything, with no proof to back it up, and cause a cop to do whatever he wanted. We’re to believe these characters can drink and do drugs to excess, but women still love them, people still believe them and no behavior is unacceptable.

Another New York Murder was published too soon. If Chris Shepherdson had proof-read this manuscript, honed his writing skills, and had gotten feedback from other writers, this could have been a decent book. As it stands, I could only muster a ½ star.

Thanks for your feedback Monica. Clearly this book wasn't for you - which I could foresee from your profile and other reviews- but if you are going to vent so passionately, I at least ask you read the entire book.
I would struggle to get 30% through a romance or fantasy book, but if I did give it a go and was unimpressed, I'd move on.
If you had read the entire book, you might have got the point a little more clearly. These characters are amoral because that is how they were created, and you have to admit, they're not boring! There really are people out there like this!
Also, journalists are not bound by any burden of proof. Journalistic plagiarism and fabrication is not uncommon. Please google the names Jayson Blair, Janet Cooke, Stephen Glass (subject of the film Shattered Glass), Johann Hari, Jack Kelley and countless others.

The book is clearly broken down into chapters. The fact I haven't marked them "chapter one" shouldn't make any difference. They're still chapters.

If you're not going to make the effort to read the entire book - and I don't believe you'll like it any more if you do - please don't make broad and ill informed statements such as those in the fourth and fifth paragraphs.

Once again, I appreciate your feedback.

In outline, Dark Deception, (From Her Eyes) is a 5 Star story.

It has all the elements of a great ghost story. It includes a flawed Priest, an exorcism, mysterious noises, a haunted closet/room/house, Wiccans, an Ouija Board, troubled teen-agers, freak deaths, a little-girl ghost (clearly the spookiest entity in the book) creepy faces in the mirror as well as a Demon.

It starts with Catholic Priest, Father Mark, and his brother, Father David. Mark is jealous of his brother because David has a bigger parish and better memory, among other things. David has a dark secret, however and Mark knows what it is. David is abusing boys in a most ungodly way.

Somehow, Father Mark knows this, (not something predators usually admit) and yet he does nothing to stop it except to “council him.” It does no good, but because Mark doesn’t want his brother “…in jail, or worse, losing his priesthood,” he essentially allows the behavior to continue.

Tragedy occurs to Father David, however, and the story picks up with Samantha, having just received an exorcism from Father Mark. I assumed there’d be a connection made later in the story of these unrelated incidences. I was wrong.

The author takes you on a journey alternating between past and present. This is very effectively done by putting dates at the beginning of each chapter. This technique allows the author Susan Jones, to give back-story.

Susan enlists many ingredients we’ve seen in ghost stories/movies, but loses its scariness because much (not all) of it is told as a recitation rather than allowing the reader to experience it along with the characters. Mark Twain once said: “Don’t tell us that the old lady screamed. Bring her on out and let her scream.”

Susan had a moment of brilliance. She employed a totally unexpected twist by creating the belief Samantha would never do something, and then out of the blue, it occurred. I never saw it coming, but I loved it.

She also kept my interest with where she was taking the story. I didn’t know what was going to happen next and that kept me reading. She also had, what I thought was the perfect ending.

However, what kept it from becoming a five star story, were some common author mistakes. (Believe me, I’ve done them myself.) The biggest single error, in my opinion is over-explaining. The reader gets too much, unnecessary information that isn’t really pertinent. It bogs the story down. When editing, you should use a machete, not a scalpel.

Other, minor things such as putting two characters’ dialogue in one paragraph, (confusing) and many “tags” incorrectly punctuated could be easily fixed.

Susan Jones has all the marking of becoming a great writer. If she employed more “showing” not “telling” (with sprinkles of sight, smell, sound, touch,) and edited her work with a machete, her writing could become tight, effective and exciting. *

As written, I give Dark Deception (From Her Eyes) two and a half stars.

* (I teach writing classes and Workshops)

Sugar and Spies


This was a cute, enjoyable story that passed the time well. Overall, I enjoyed the book and the characters and felt that it was a nice, fun, light read. The action scenes were written well and it did keep me wondering what was going to happen next. I assumed that it would end one way but was surprised that the writer took the ending in a different direction (no spoilers).

However, the book could have used a little more editing. There were several small typos, not nearly enough to take away from the story. Also, there were a few scenes that were confusing because certain details were left out. For example, Riley is sitting in a chair. Someone enters the room, says a few things and then takes Riley's chair and sits. But when did Riley get up? It wasn't anything that was so confusing that it kept me from wanting to read it but I did have to read a couple of things twice to make sure I hadn't missed something.

As I said, it was a good book and I did find myself looking forward to reading it. I gave it three stars because I read in order to be entertained and I felt that this book served its purpose.

Chris,

I've read and enjoyed many genres. Good writing isn't exclusive to any one. I just don't rate/review them all, so you wouldn't know that.

I'm sorry I didn't explain fully what I meant by "skimming" the remainder of your story. I've taken a speed reading class in high school so did get the gist of your story. I also read the ending carefully.

I also teach writing and publishing workshops and occasionally teach grade school writing classes when asked.

I'd hoped you'd take my comments constructively to hone your craft. Believe me, I've been critiqued by the best. (Les Edgerton (author of 15+ books and the author of "Hooked", taught writing at the University of Toledo), Bobbi Ray Madre (Author/ Senior Editor for three major New York Publishers with more than 35 years experience.) Both were blunt with me in their criticism.

I know how painful it feels, but took their advice. It made me a better writer.

I hope you can do the same.

Monica wrote: "Chris,

I've read and enjoyed many genres. Good writing isn't exclusive to any one. I just don't rate/review them all, so you wouldn't know that.

I'm sorry I didn't explain fully what I meant by ..."

Hi Monica,

I do appreciate your comments and feedback and am always looking for ways to hone my craft, and apologies for presumptions as per your tastes!

Detailed feedback like yours is always helpful, far more helpful than generic 5 star reviews from review swaps. Another lesson learned!

I have amended the book as per your recommendations and welcome your critique on future work.

Regards

Chris

I've completed a review of Moonshadows.

Nice read!

Okay, my first review (I just sent out my WIP to my editor - hope to have the other two reviews done by the end of next weekend!)

Song at Dawn by Jean Gill

3 out of 5 stars

Let me say up front that this is a good story. It did take me a few chapters to really get into it (apparently I’m not as into historic fantasy as I thought and often found myself skimming through paragraphs on alliances and lineages), but once I did I was swept along with the characters and the story.

The reason for the mediocre stars is twofold. The first is the book needs some basic editing. I could have lived with the chapter breaks not being on a new page, but there are other errors that were distracting. The worst was a paragraph return in the middle of the sentence, which happens regularly throughout the novel. I would be caught up in a scene only to be dropped out in confusion when I couldn’t follow a partial sentence. Then I would realize that the sentence continued below and would continue on. It is such a simple and easy fix, and I do hope Ms. Gill corrects this error. It was easily the biggest.

Other smaller errors included such items as missing commas and using one quotation mark for dialogue instead of the traditional double. There was also a point where a one armed man helped a lady onto a horse using his “hands.” The next paragraph he was back to being one handed though. With another round of editing, the story is strong enough to receive four stars.

I did love the setting of Narbonne. The inclusion of a variety of cultures, all persecuted at the time, was fantastic. Ms. Gill interwove respect within the story, even detailing how the Moors were far more advanced in sciences at this time period. I adored Lady Sancha, as well as Estela and Dragonetz, of course!

What kept this novel from really shining minus the editing is the other reason for only three stars. I found the frequent switching of POV within chapters tedious. Though the switch was clear and it was easy enough to see whose head the reader found themselves, the frequent breaks detracted from the flow. There are a few occasions where the POV moves to a character part of the story but had never been in the forefront - and sometimes never is again. This need to jump to numerous characters and then drop them to relay a tiny bit of information could be cleaned up with some work and would really snap the novel together.

And I will say that though I enjoyed the novel, the ending didn’t leave me satisfied. Without giving anything away, the lead up to it was well done and it seemed to be the only option available, but . . . when I sat and thought about it a few aspects of it didn’t make sense. I’d love to sit down for a tete-a-tete with Ms. Gill and ask a ton of questions! And not just about the ending. A few characters aren’t so neatly wrapped up and loose ends are left without the feeling that a sequel was going to solve them, at least to me.

So, even with the editing errors corrected, this novel would hold 4 stars. The story is lovely and shows great potential. I think we’ll see some great novels from Ms. Gill in the future. If you are a fan of historical fiction/romance, do give this one a try. There are parts I really loved - enough that it made me want to see a bit more from the story.

Threads of Betrayal by Monica Miller

3 out of 5 stars

From what I read of the description for this novel and its reviews, I was excited to start reading it. What was there not to be hopeful about? An historic romance set in the early days of the Civil War complete with a dashing and successful businessman, a beautiful and wealthy debutant, her parents that dislike the young man, and the promise of a myriad of problems inhibiting to their romance. It sounded like Pride and Prejudice meets Gone with the Wind. I was prepared to be riveted.

But I wasn’t. I never deeply connected with any of the characters, not the dashing young man nor the femme fatale. They were the cause of their problems, and not in that oh-so-cruel twist-of-fate way, but more in the “you can’t be serious, no one would do that” mien. The romance wasn’t really there unless you count lust. Some of the stereotypical dialect left me uncomfortable. I was also taken back by some of the expenses/prices tossed about from a hush money payment to the price of a slave woman and child ($1200 where I found with some research that $200 to $500 was average).

The book is fairly well edited with only minor errors of dropped quotations and an odd capitol ‘M’ that showed up in the middle of words throughout the novel (making me think I was missing a cypher hidden in the novel). The first few chapters are written in third person limited POV, but this quickly changes to an omniscient third person POV for the rest of the novel, sometimes containing the thoughts of two characters in one paragraph. An early switch from someone pondering the potential for civil war to a different character spreading a blanket under a tree for a picnic jarred me. I never really found my flow in the novel after that.

I’m an author as well. I know what a task and amazing feat it is to write a novel. Maybe other people will (and have from the reviews) connect with this story better. For me, it reminds me of some of my early writing: things which I wish had stayed in the slow cooker a little longer until the depth and flavor developed more.

Jean, if you do reformat Song at Dawn, please let me know. I'll update my review. I really loved the story. A week later and it is still in my head and still making me smile! If it wasn't for hoe frustrated I'd get while reading, I'd give it 4 stars now!

I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline reviewing Dark Deception (From Her Eyes). The book has really not connected well with me. Far too much tell versus show and big formatting errors. The way the story is told keeps me from appreciating the plot. I wouldn't give it more than 2 stars...and just don't want to do that to the author. Sorry that I can't finish my third one from the Big Read.

This is my review of Symbiot Awakening. I gave it four stars.

This was an interesting story with a lot of action and suspense. The characters were all likable and, of course, there is a villain that is meant to be hated. It did have a lot of excitement from the very first page, which kept me reading.

However, it wasn't until around chapter 8 that the story really became interesting and I found myself rooting for the main characters. I think the reason for this is that, as the story unfolds, they give a little more background to themselves. Once I knew the characters more thoroughly, I became attached to them.

Also, I'm hoping that there will be a sequel to this story for a couple of reasons. For one, it was a good book. Secondly, it seemed to end a bit abruptly. No spoilers, I promise, but the ending left me hanging a little.

I didn't check in while I was choosing and reviewing books so as to stay away from you people but I have read and reviewed 3 books now.

Autumn, thanks for pointing out the formatting problem with the weird para change - I have corrected that and uploaded a new version that gets rid of the man getting his hand back too ;)Sorry about both - I agree they're irritating.

And if the story's still in your head, you'll just have to read the sequel, 'Bladesong' :) Thank you for the lovely compliment. You said you wanted to ask some questions about the book? Feel free to message me or mail me (my email is in the book)

Re the other formatting criticisms; using single instead of double quotation marks for dialogue is a British v American preference and modern novels published in Britain do tend to go for single, so I stick with that option.

Re the 'not starting a new page with a new chapter' I followed the advice on the smashwords guide NOT to do this as you end up with random blank pages that way and people customise presentation on their e-readers anyway. I've just read an ebook which starts each chapter on a new ebook page and smashowrds is quite right - there are often blank pages before the chapter heading. Not ideal either way but that's ebook formatting!

Thank you to all who've read or intend to read my book; thank you for the time and concentration to give such thoughtful reviews. I've DLd more from people here and will try to read them but I get a lot of requests for feedback on manuscripts and there's only so much I can manage. Good luck to all of us with our writing.

Ooh, I'm yours for the sequel! Actually, if you need any promo help, blog tour and such (beta reviewers foe errors), let me know. I'd be glad to help. :)

Thanks or the update. I'd wondered if the one quotation was a European thing. I will be more considerate of that in the future! I do still have some questions - which the sequel may answer - so will send you an email when I get the chance! Now off to update a few reviews by a star!

'Bladesong', the sequel, is out already - enjoy :) Happy to do a blog visit, for any blogger here - just mail me. I'm researching for the 3rd book and will write it next year so it will take a long time but your offer of beta reading for that is duly noted and I might well take you up on that at the end of 2014! Speak to you again.