Ask Denise Mina - Thursday, March 14th! discussion

Welcome to the group! Denise will be answering questions on Thursday, March 14th in this thread only. In the meantime if you have a question for Denise or just want to introduce yourself feel free to do so in this thread.

Denise, you are as productive, reliable and enjoyable as the biggest names in the genre--how come I don't see your book at the front of the table? Why do I feel I discovered you myself, dug up copies of older books, searched library catalogs, bought used books on Amazon? Actually, I sort of like the feeling of having "discovered" you, but why aren't you more famous?

Denise, I loved 'End of the wasp season' having heard about it on Open Book,and will definitely now search out more of your books. I loved the fact Alex was one of the few female detectives I'd read in the genre particularly in the Scottish noir area, and she is a tough character. Was it hard to avoid some of the genre cliches (love of music,drink problem,broken relationship) and was Alex's toughness because of her role as senior woman in a male environment or because of her background?

Denise --- what made you do the text for the graphic novel of "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo"? Will you be working on the rest of the series as well?

Denise, How did you become involved with writing Hellblazer for DC's Vertigo? What are your thoughts on Hellblazer ending and with it one of the most endearingly British characters in American comics disappearing to be replaced with a younger family friendly version in DC's new universe?

Hi, Denise. I'm new to reading your books, but I'm already a fan, having read the Alex Morrow series. I wanted to know how you came to give the criminals equal time with the investigators in those books. I think it's great how developed they are, and never cartoonish villains. And while as a reader, I can sympathize with them because of their circumstances, you manage never to use their situations as an excuse for their criminal behavior. What was your inspiration for approaching them that way?

I'm also happy to see that you've created female characters who are not perfect, but are to be admired for who they are and for making their way through a male dominated profession. They are tough, yet vulnerable, and they still retain their femininity. Do you have any role models from your own life who have helped you form these characters in this way?

Thanks for taking the time to answer our questions. And thanks for the great stories. I look forward to reading more of them.

Hi, Denise, thanks for talking to us. Paddy Meehan is one of my favorite characters ever. I've only read one Alex Morrow so far but she is a good character as well. I really appreciate your ability to create strong, relatable female protagonists. Will Paddy be getting another story? Thanks for writing great books.

Hello, Denise! I read The End of the Wasp Season and liked it so much I went and found Still Midnight. Also excellent. I'm looking forward to the new book in the series and all your other novels. Thank you! One of the things I enjoy in your writing is the different conversational tones for the different sets of characters. The crooks talk one way, the cops talk another, etc. How much of that, I wonder, is drawn from your experience and how much from imagination?

Hi Denise, I'm a fan of your comic book work and I have one of your novels on the top of my pile of books to read (The Field of Blood) but I can't read it right now because the life of a student of an MA in writing isn't as free as I thought.

My question is this, how did you manage to write for Hellblazer one year? I loved the story you told and it was a great way of breaking into the comic book scene, and since Hellblazer's writers were people who had previous experience in comic books I always wondered how you got the gig

hi...

could you comment on how / why the scottish noir is so well written, and why there seems to be an abundance of riches of great exponents of the genre -- yourself, irvine welsh, kate atkinson etc. is it something in the water? is it cultural? also, care to comment of the juxtaposition of the bleakness of surroundings and opportunities vs. the depth of character?

Thank you for many great reading hours. I would like to know what you like to read and what books inspires you?

Denise

I'm enjoying your Alex Morrow books. In the most recent, Gods and Beasts, Alex seems to be on much firmer ground with her career and family - although how it got that way isn't a direct part of the story. Are you making her a simpler, less complicated and less "dark" character?

How do I get all of your books? ThereI are several I can't get. I haven't read Gods and Beasts yet, but I am looking forward to it. I am very excited to speak to you.

Hi Ms. Mina,
I am very happy you decided to write full time rather than complete your graduate studies. You have a tremendous gift for writing and in addition to creating characters so vivid that I feel I have known them all my life and in addition to portraying Glasgow so well that I believe I have been there (I am a Polish-born U.S. citizen who once visited Edinburgh, Inverness, and Cromarty), your books are an exquisite pleasure to read and I love your writing style and the use of language. You are one of my and my wife’s most favorite authors ever, not just a “mystery author”, but an author of serious books that have a mystery component.

One of the things I like the most about your work is that you have managed to stop the Maureen O’Donnell and Paddy Meehan “series” at three novels. To me, three books with the same leading character may be enough to show the richness of human life and psychology (for instance, Paddy as a girl, as a lover, and as a mother) while more than three would invite repetition. So, finally, the questions: Will Alex Morrow series stop at three? Will there be more “short series”? (I very much hope so!)

Hey,
I love your writing. I know "Field of Blood" has been made into a TV series, though I haven't yet seen it. Did you feel they did a pretty good job of it? Have you been approached about turning any of your books into a film? Would you like that, and, if given a choice, which would you most like to see as a movie?

Hi, Denise. I just finished reading Gods and Beasts, and I enjoyed it very much. I had two questions about it. First, I was wondering if you had certain themes in mind for this book before you started writing it. Or did themes such as 'appearances are deceiving' and 'the ends justify the means' become more apparent to you as the story progressed? Also, I had a question about the character Martin Pavel. Will you be writing about him in the future because I thought he was fascinating. I wanted to know more about him either through this series or another one of his own with him starring in other people's stories, helping them for better or worse. Thank you again, for another great book.

Martha wrote: "Denise, you are as productive, reliable and enjoyable as the biggest names in the genre--how come I don't see your book at the front of the table? Why do I feel I discovered you myself, dug up copi..."

Martha, are you my mum pretending to be a stranger? I feel very, very famous but in a Helen Mirren way. She said her fans don't stalk her, they'll sit next to her for hours and then lean over and whisper 'I love you' just as they leave. My elbows are raw from being warmly cupped.
It's lovely!
dx

Andrew wrote: "Denise, I loved 'End of the wasp season' having heard about it on Open Book,and will definitely now search out more of your books. I loved the fact Alex was one of the few female detectives I'd re..."

Hi Andrew. Yes I wanted to counter all those cliches with a well functioning woman who loves her man and her home. I thought taking away all those obvious points of conflict would throw up more interesting points of conflict. She is tough but not brutalised. Actually, I don't know if she's a lot more tough than most of the women I know: senior academics, mums, shop workers. Maybe Glaswegian woman are all tough? She didn't dream she returned to Manderley last night anyway, that's for sure.
dx

Ray wrote: "Denise --- what made you do the text for the graphic novel of "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo"? Will you be working on the rest of the series as well?"

Hi Ray,
I wanted to do it because loved the books and wanted to use the visual language of pornography in the attack against Bjürman and the language of physical assault in the attack in Salander. I think pornography has taken over our visual language around sex and there always those cliched shots. Also I loved what Larsson was doing: using crime fiction to talk about politics. Great guy.
And yes! I'm writing the rest of them took! I'm half way through the script for Girl who played with fire and moving onto Hornet's nest. I'm loving it, it's great to be writing comics again and with an adaptation I can worry more about the visuals and less about the narrative arc. The books are so dense it's a matter of cutting back and cutting back. The second part of Dragon Tattoo is out soon.
dx

Andy wrote: "Denise, How did you become involved with writing Hellblazer for DC's Vertigo? What are your thoughts on Hellblazer ending and with it one of the most endearingly British characters in American comi..."

Hi Andy,
Well, therein lies a tale: my pal insisted I get a website and set one up for me. The next day I was offered the chance to write 'Hellblazer', which I was a fan of. I thought it was a joke, I thought he was winding me up. Imagine my surprise... they even paid me.
I love JC but I did feel that it had gone on long enough.Proud to have been part of it though.
I wish someone would make an actual JC film with a blond guy who has the right accent.

Donna wrote: "Hi, Denise. I'm new to reading your books, but I'm already a fan, having read the Alex Morrow series. I wanted to know how you came to give the criminals equal time with the investigators in those ..."

Donna, you're so polite, you must be American.
The Alex Morrow books are a different shape to the other novels which tend to be centred on one protagonist. i wanted to take a more holistic view of a crime and spend time with the criminals, police and victims so they're kind of short stories that intersect through the events int eh first chapter. I don't know why they're not hateful. In Scotland we have a very high rate of per capita imprisonment so everybody knows people who have had 'a bit of trouble'. I was a legal academic and criminology nowadays tends to look at crime as an even produced by a system, rather than one person doing something. It does't mean there isnt a choice, or that it's inevitable, but it's a much more interesting way to read these things. I feels fresh and more true than the old construction of a criminal genius.
All the women I know are like that. Leslie in Garnethill is basically my friend Becci. She gives it to people and within three pages most people recognise her. We are the coping, unpretty, too-chunky-for-the-movies majority and we're still rocking a look!
I wish you and all of your friends and family the best best of health, polite American Lady Donna,
dx

anthrogeek wrote: "Hi, Denise, thanks for talking to us. Paddy Meehan is one of my favorite characters ever. I've only read one Alex Morrow so far but she is a good character as well. I really appreciate your abilit..."

Hi Anthrogeek,
I know I love Paddy. I moved publisher and started a new series while they bought the Paddy books from my previous publishers. While they were doing that the Alex Morrow books took off in spectacular fashion so I'm keeping on with her but: Paddy appears briefly in Gods and Beasts and is due to be the subject of another two novels. I miss her but I'm really glad there was a break actually, because of the hacking inquiry over here. I think she's be up to her neck in these scandals! Everyone used to ask me if the papers actually did that outrageous stuff. No one does any more.
She might even make another Alex Morrow appearance. A big TV company are developing the Morrow books and they've promised me that the actress who plays Paddy will be invited to play her in the morrow TV show,
dx

Stven wrote: "Hello, Denise! I read The End of the Wasp Season and liked it so much I went and found Still Midnight. Also excellent. I'm looking forward to the new book in the series and all your other novels..."

Hi Steven, well, I've been a cop and done a bunch of murders too and I noticed all the syntactic niceties.. Nah, it's all made up in my head. Glasgow is a very mixed city and it's easy to spend time with lots of different groups of people. If you stand at a bus stop everyone talks to each other ALL THE TIME. People tell each other stories all the time. It's easy to listen. I think that's the real trick of writing dialogue: listening to the way people talk.

Abel wrote: "Hi Denise, I'm a fan of your comic book work and I have one of your novels on the top of my pile of books to read (The Field of Blood) but I can't read it right now because the life of a student of..."
Hi Abel,
Incredibly they wrote to me and asked if I would! I suspect you know what that means but I try to explain it to people who don't know Hellblazer by saying - it's like you worked on a newspaper stand and someone came up and offered you the role of the next James Bond. It's ridiculously jammy.
My editor was John Vankin and he read my books and it was his idea. I hadn't even talked about comics in public then and had to tell my publishers that it wasn't a shameful side line but a great honour.
dx

Michael wrote: "hi...

could you comment on how / why the scottish noir is so well written, and why there seems to be an abundance of riches of great exponents of the genre -- yourself, irvine welsh, kate atkinson..."

Hi Michael,
That's very kind of you! I think being quite a poor country we tend to show off to one another by telling stories and that sort of sets the tone. Hugh MacDiarmid, the scottish poet, talked about Caledonian Antisyzygy, which is the scottish narrative tendency to have 'duelling polarities within one entity' and I think that's very suited to this sort of fiction. Also, we all know each other and are, sort of, showing off to each other. No bad thing.
dx

Helena wrote: "Thank you for many great reading hours. I would like to know what you like to read and what books inspires you?"

Hi Helena,
I really love non-fiction and essays. It changes all the time, of course, but at the moment I'm reading Lisa Picard's 'Restoration London' and 'Structures or why things don't fall down' by JE Gordon.
I sound so dull!
The fiction writers who really inspired me are Orwell, Angela Carter, Bulgakov, Melville, Poe (but he's so uneven).
dx

David wrote: "Denise

I'm enjoying your Alex Morrow books. In the most recent, Gods and Beasts, Alex seems to be on much firmer ground with her career and family - although how it got that way isn't a direct pa..."
Hi David,
She is! I like her a lot and felt she deserved a nicer time. I find her a bit intimidating actually. Maybe I was scared she'd come around and punch my face in if I didn't give her a happy home life. She's in so much conflict outside the house I liked the idea of her having something gorgeous to go home to,
dx

Hi, Ms. Mina,

I was recently introduced to your work in an undergraduate course on detective fiction, and I wish I would have been introduced earlier. I have since read the Alex Morrow series and loved them. You have such a lovely way with language!

I particularly loved The End of the Wasp Season. (I’m so very fond of Kay; I’ve taken to calling my cig/tea breaks “Kay breaks.”)

As a writing student, I was wondering about your writing process. Crime is so often used as a gateway to explore other issues---do you find that you come up with the crime itself first, or do you have a larger cultural issue in mind and work a crime around that particular problem?

I also always have trouble titling my work. What was your reasoning for titling the book “The End of the Wasp Season”?

Do you plan on writing more of the Alex Morrow series?

I look forward to reading more of your work!

Best,
Meg

Hi, Denise,

I always pre-order your books and I have read all of them. Although I have read many, many books in my life I can't say the same of any other writer.

I loved the way you portrayed the rich kid in your last book; perhaps my favourite character of yours ever, and I loved Maureen. I would read ten books about him, easily. I wanted to mention that because I was so surprised that I liked him so much, being a woman and politically more to the left than to the right. This sounds stupid perhaps, but I hope you understand what I mean.

I know you have been asked this question a thousand times but I am going to ask it again. And maybe this time it will penetrate my thick skull...What would you say to someone who would like to write but has far to much self-critisism? Was lack of confidence ever a problem for you when you first started writing?

/Anna

I have read all of ur books. U r The Bomb. Thanks for writing fierce, real female characters and terrific plots. U r one of my absolute favorite authors. U go, girl!

Connie wrote: "How do I get all of your books? ThereI are several I can't get. I haven't read Gods and Beasts yet, but I am looking forward to it. I am very excited to speak to you."

Hi Connie,
I'm not certain where you are or whether you're trying to get ebooks or paper books, but they may have been have just been republished in Canada, the UK and are coming in the USA,
dx

Lukasz wrote: "Hi Ms. Mina,
I am very happy you decided to write full time rather than complete your graduate studies. You have a tremendous gift for writing and in addition to creating characters so vivid that I..."

Dear Lukasz,
I feel bad now because Alex Morrow, I think could go on and on. I know what you mean about the finite series, I do think it's long enough to really explore a character without coming to hate them. The difference with Alex is she's hardly in the books. It's odd that they are called 'Morrow' books really because she usually takes up a quarter or third of the pages and never more. I like the format: they're really four short stories interweaving with Alex as the recurrent character.
Thanks for your lovely message. I want to read it again and again but I'm blushing something fierce,
dx

Natalie wrote: "Hey,
I love your writing. I know "Field of Blood" has been made into a TV series, though I haven't yet seen it. Did you feel they did a pretty good job of it? Have you been approached about turnin..."

Hi Natalie,
I first saw the TV show in a cinema with the entire cast and crew. I was very worried that I wouldn't like it but I did, I loved it. And it wasn't just me: the actress won the BAFTA for best actress that year and the other two nominated people for the prize played McVee and Dr. Pete. It was made on a tiny budget, which is usually death for a period drama but the Eighties were such a shabby decade that even that managed to add to it. They've just finished filming the Dead Hour and are developing The Last Breath ( slip of the knife in the US). Try and get it, you;d love it! the music's great too,
dx

Donna wrote: "Hi, Denise. I just finished reading Gods and Beasts, and I enjoyed it very much. I had two questions about it. First, I was wondering if you had certain themes in mind for this book before you star..."

Dear Donna,
I don't start with themes so much as narrative arcs: the sex-scandal politician, the attempt of a rich young person looking for a new value system. I'm so glad you like Pavel. He was suppose to represent the occupy movement or at least the urge behind that: the need for new ways of thinking and engaging with each other, new philosophies. He has read Alistair MacIntyre's book "Beyond Virtue" which is about communitarianism and the value of mutual engagement. He is struggling to be a good person. Aren't we all?
Martin's living in Mallorca now, so I don't think he will reappear, unless someone goes there in another book or story, but I'm sure he's giving his money away responsibly, living well and finding peace. Hope he gets that tattoo on his neck removed as well.
dx

Meg wrote: "Hi, Ms. Mina,

I was recently introduced to your work in an undergraduate course on detective fiction, and I wish I would have been introduced earlier. I have since read the Alex Morrow series and..."

Hi Meg,
I usually start with an issue I want to explore, in the Wasp season it was the social meaning of suicide and who we misinterpret it. We always seem to see it as a summation of someone's life, for example Sylvia Plath, instead of a moment of despair that might pass if the means weren't available. I saw a gallery show of suicide notes years ago and one or two of them were 'I can't go on' type notes but most of them were moments, reflexes, one guy did it to upset his girlfriend.
I love crime , not just because it allows you to look at other issues but because the readers approach them with a sense of entitlement. No one reads to the end because they feel they should. No one pretends to like them if they hated them. Literary fiction often makes readers feel as if they'd like it if they were smarter but Mystery fiction never does. I think that's wonderful. In Elizabethan theatre the audience threw things onto the stage if they weren't entertained or engaged. Maybe that's why Shakespeare's plays got so good.
I have trouble with titles too. I usually come up with a list of ten, go away, come back and read them with fresh eyes, ask other people, check with my editors in the US and UK. The End of the Wasp Season came from the fact that I lived in a crummy flat for years, beautiful but crummy, which had a wasps nest outside the window. Every september all the wasps would climb in through the rotten windows and lie around the floor dying. My cats would eat them and get sick, they were everywhere. It was a massacre. Then, the next year, they came back again as if the massacre had never happened.
There is a new Alex Morrow book out here in June the called the Red Road which is based on Brighton Rock.
dx

Anna wrote: "Hi, Denise,

I always pre-order your books and I have read all of them. Although I have read many, many books in my life I can't say the same of any other writer.

I loved the way you portrayed the..."

Anna,
You are a writer. WIthout that self criticism you'll never write anything worth a damn. Embrace it, control it and use it. I know people who write, don't re write, don't criticise their work, they are confident. Someone of them are published but you and I would read it and hate it. Unthinking, un reflexive, shallow.
The problem with the committee on the shoulder reading every word and telling you it's rubbish is that they are so discouraging. And they're not fair. They're comparing your first draft with other people's masterpieces which have been edited and re written many, many times. They're comparing your first book with someone else's tenth book.
How about just having a go, fearlessly. If you write a book and never feel lost or that it's impossible for you to finish it, then your book isn't worth a damn either, the audience won't get lost in it, they won't be amazed that you finished it the way you did.
TI have a friend who is a brilliant writer but unfortunately was great at loads of other things too. Finally she stopped getting promoted and began to write full time. She said she didn't feel great about it but would when she got an agent. Then she got an agent. I don't feel great or like a writer, she said, maybe when I get published. Then she got published but the literary magazine wasn't as good as she thought and her story was a little longer than she meant it to be.. you can see where this is going, can't you? When am I going to feel great and like a writer? Um, well, it's just not that sort of job really. I have ten novels out and still write 'researcher' on my passport. I feel like a lucky chancer.
Chance your arm! It's like a jumping off a cliff face first: parts of it are really fun. ou'll always be able to congratulate yourself on the fact that you did it. You'll be horribly disfigured, possibly dead, but you can say you gave it a go. You might be great. There might be someone out there who'd treasure your book.
dx

Carol wrote: "I have read all of ur books. U r The Bomb. Thanks for writing fierce, real female characters and terrific plots. U r one of my absolute favorite authors. U go, girl!"

Hey Carol,
I will 'go'! thanks pal. Let's form a fierce lady army and invade shoe shops.
dx

Hello Denise,
Are you planning a U.S. book tour for "Gods and Beasts"? I brought my teenage daughter to see you in the San Francisco Bay Area when you were here in 2011 for "End of the Wasp Season" and we would both love to see you again. Her reaction as we were leaving: "I could listen to her talk all night!"
All the best,
Randal

Randal wrote: "Hello Denise,
Are you planning a U.S. book tour for "Gods and Beasts"? I brought my teenage daughter to see you in the San Francisco Bay Area when you were here in 2011 for "End of the Wasp Season"..."

Hi Randal,
I just spent four minutes trying to enlarge your pic to see if I could recognise you from the reading and then realised - that's a dolly. Anyway, Im not touring the US this year but hopefully back next year again. I started running during that stop in SF because I was writing Gods and Beasts ( there's a bit of running in it) and hurt myself really badly. I'm too exuberant to jog. Hope to meet you both again, give my best to your daughter,
dx

Hi Denise, I just wanted to ask when we're going to hear more from Paddy Meehan. I enjoy all of your books and characters, but she's the one I love best. I actually got into your books after seeing Field of Blood. You really make Scotland come alive. Please keep writing!

Hi, Denise. I love all of your books, especially the Garnethill series. I also love the Paddy Meehan character. Because of your novels, my husband and I spent last summer's vacation in Glasgow. We loved your city! I cannot wait to read Gods and Beasts. :)

I read Garnethill years ago and still think about it. I read somewhere that you've sold the rights. I'd love to see that series made into movies. What are the plans for that? Are you involved in finding or approving screenwriters at all? I'm curious about that process. Thank you for your wonderful work!

Gabrielle wrote: "Hi Denise, I just wanted to ask when we're going to hear more from Paddy Meehan. I enjoy all of your books and characters, but she's the one I love best. I actually got into your books after seeing..."

Hi Gabrielle,
I know, I miss Paddy but Im glad there has been a break because so much has happened in the papers over here, so much has come out recently about what they've been up to. People used to ask me why I made them look so badly behaved and now they ask why I didn't make them look worse. She does make an appearance in Gods and Beasts. That was because the story was based very loosely on a sex scandal case that happened over here and the politician looked like he might sue us so I had to sit down and rewrite the book in a week end with a biography of Clinton and Strauss Khan at my elbow. The lawyers' questions included 'is this journalist someone who is alive or might sue?' so I changed it to Paddy. She won't sue me.
They've finished filming the Dead Hour before Christmas and it'll be out soon! The script was by the same writer/director Davey Kane and is great.
Anyway, Paddy is due two more books which will come in the next few years. Promise,
dx
dx

Theresa Leone wrote: "Hi, Denise. I love all of your books, especially the Garnethill series. I also love the Paddy Meehan character. Because of your novels, my husband and I spent last summer's vacation in Glasgow. We ..."

Hi Theresa,
That's fabulous but I'm so sorry about the weather last year, it was absolutely rubbish. Ive had a chat with the council and if you come back and give us notice we'll sort that out for you. Paddy makes a brief appearance in Gods and Beast, too,
dx

Geester wrote: "I read Garnethill years ago and still think about it. I read somewhere that you've sold the rights. I'd love to see that series made into movies. What are the plans for that? Are you involved in fi..."

Dear Geester,
I hope you think about it in a happy way and not in a fist wavy way. i sold the rights to pretty much everyone, sequentially. I live in a pretty swanky house because it got sold three or four times but no one ever got anywhere with the development of it. I'm so glad. I think they'd have made an almighty mess of it and I would have let them. I wouldn't now but I would have back then.
And I like the think that Mauri's off living in the country up north. She's got massive jaws from all the nicotine chewing gum and has a lovely, calm life and chickens. Possibly also a few kids. It'd be hard to believe that if she was on TV.
dx

Denise,
Every couple of years I jot off an email to see what has become of my lost love, Paddy Meehan. I thought she was just on sabbatical. Then I thought she maybe went off to Kabbalah with Madonna. Further reflection suggests that's not what a strong Celtic lass would ever do. Is Paddy ever returning. Mind you I've grown to love Alex Morrow, but Oh Paddy.

Dear Richard,
I know. She will come back and has two more books in her but I just can't seem to get around to her. She makes an appearance in Gods and Beasts, briefly and there are the TV shows to watch, don't know if you've managed to catch the first one and the second one will be out soon.
She wouldn't go on Kabbalah because she's not a mug. I think maybe her mum has been very ill or one of her brothers ( remember the brothers? - No, no one does, but I do! they were just about to come into their own and then I started Alex, who seems to have the momentum of a falling anvil) Anyway, she off doing something worthy but she will return, triumphant, at the right hand of the father,
dx

Thanks Denise. Feel a bit the dolt for not reading the previous queries about Paddy. Trying to think and deal with dogs gone wild....never productive combo for useful outcomes. Thank you again. Oh, any plans to be in the US this year? So good to chat.

Denise, just want to thank you for your hard work. I think the first chapter of Gods and Beasts is the finest piece of writing I've read in a long time. Wonderful piece of impressionism. Made me feel Martin's shock and dissociation. You are a gift to the lovers of good fiction.

Richard wrote: "Thanks Denise. Feel a bit the dolt for not reading the previous queries about Paddy. Trying to think and deal with dogs gone wild....never productive combo for useful outcomes. Thank you again. Oh,..."

I'm only coming on holiday, not for a tour or anything, but if you see me do feel free to slap me heartily and demand your money back,
dx