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Here's the first Chapter of Finding Hope! Enjoy!CHAPTER ONE
“TURN THE MUSIC DOWN!!!” My mum shouted from downstairs. I sighed and got up from my seat at my desk, and walked over to my stereo to turn down the volume. I sat back down at my desk and continued writing the essay that was due tomorrow.
“Abby, Abby!” My little sister cried as she opened my bedroom door. My real name was Hope, but my little three year old sister calls me Abby for some reason that I’m really not quite sure of.
“Yes princess?” I sighed as she jumped onto my lap.
“Will you read me a story please, Abby?” She said in a way to cute to say no to. I picked her up and brought her over to my bed. “I have to do something very important now so maybe in a while ok?” I asked her as nice as I could. She gave me a quizzical look then bounced of the bed and skipped out of the room.
For the second time in five minutes I returned to my essay and tried to concentrate. I wrote my name the date and the first sentence and then my phone vibrated. I felt the need to throw it at something but that would be such a waste of my birthday gift last year. I grabbed my phone off my shelf and checked the new message I had.
It was from my friend Ciara, it read:
OMG!!!
Guess what just happened?!
Super emergency call ASAP!!
I groaned at my melodramatic friends message. I would have to deal with her later. I would have bet money though that it was something to do with her boyfriend Tyler, they were always getting into fights or cheating on each other. They were old news.
I looked back at my essay. I had written nine words out of the three thousand word minimum. Just great, and it was due tomorrow! I glared at my paper for a minute then decided I needed a soda, so I hopped up from my chair and went down stairs.
In the kitchen my mum was making dinner. I leaned over the counter with my soda in my hands. “Could you pass me the knife please?” My mum asked me. I handed it to her, then took another swig of my soda. “Where’s dad?” I asked.
“He just went out to the shop for me, Maggie went with him.” She replied without looking at me. I nodded slowly, trying unsuccessfully not to think about the blank piece of paper sitting at my desk in my room.
“Do you know what you want to do for your birthday yet, sweetie?” She asked me. I thought for a second without answering. “I’m not sure.” I said truthfully. I had tons and tons of friends. I was practically the most popular girl, even though I didn’t like to admit it. I was in the popular group, we got invited to all the cool parties and we threw even better ones. But for my seventeenth birthday I wasn’t sure I wanted the normal big birthday bash thingy again. I wanted, needed, something different.
“Ciara called by the way.” My mum broke my thoughts. I sighed, “I know, she called me too.” My mom gave me a look as if to say it’s rude not to call back. I just shrugged. “I’m gonna go back upstairs, I still have to finish my essay.” I told my mom before heading back up to my room.
I sit down at my desk determent to finish my essay. I look around my room to find my pencil. I swear I had put it right beside my paper. I look at the bed then I crawl under the desk just in case it fell. Nowhere to be seen. “MUM!” I shout. I wait three seconds for the reply, “yes, hun?” she replies. I walk to the top of the stairs so I don’t have to shout.
“Did you move my pencil?” I ask, tapping my foot in frustration. She thinks for a moment then after what feels like hours she says, “no, I don’t think so.” I groan. Typical mum. I hurry back to my bed room and look back at my desk. The pencil is sitting right where I left it. I growl in frustration. I pick up the pencil and start writing. About three sentences later I look over at my bed. My phone is lying there with three new messages. My laptop is sitting beside it, just ready to open and- I stop myself from thinking about these things. This paper counts for thirty percent of my grade this year. But it would be rude not to reply to the texts..
No. I pick up an emty box and grab my phone, laptop and any other things that could distract me. (which is surprisingly a lot!) after four minutes of this I sit back down. I pick up my pencil and-
“DINNER!” my mum calls from down stairs.
Great. Looks like I won’t get it done after all.
BLEEEEEP!! BLEEEEEP!! BLEEEEEP!!
I wake with a start. I hit my alarm clock on the head, which only makes it fall onto the ground and bleep louder. I groan and get out of bed. I didn’t get to sleep until very late, because I was up all night trying to get my essay done with no luck I might add. I get dressed into a blue blouse with light grey skinny jeans and my converse trainers. I quickly pull a brush through my hair, and grab an apple just as the bus arrives.
I rush out the door and then scan the bus to find the seat that my best friend reserves for me every day. I sit down with a huff, and lean back in my seat. I open one eye to see my best friend, Melody, staring at me. Today she was wearing a way too tight top, with way too short shorts, and a pair of her favourite wedges. “What?” I say after a minute of her questioning eyes boring into me. She sighs, “Did you even look at what you threw on this morning?” She asks. I look down at my outfit, I thought it was fine…
“Well my alarm went off late.” I say in my defence. She rolls her eyes, she would never let something like that make her wear a bad outfit or have a bad hair day. “So guess what,” she changes the subject and turns around so she’s facing me fully, leave it up to her to know all the gossip. “You know Brandon and Kate?” Of course I know them, everybody does. They are the biggest couple in the school, they’ve won cutest couple every year since I can remember. She continues before I can speak, “Well they just broke up!” She squeaks. I never really care about these things but it makes her happy so I listen.
She waits for my reaction which comes a bit too late, “Oh, wow. Well, poor them.” I say unconvincingly. “Do you know what this means?” She squeals, I sigh, “What does it mean?” I roll my head to the side to see her answer. “It means he’s on the market!!!” She nearly shouts.
“Shh! Do you want the whole bus to hear?” As I say that a few heads turn our way. I look back at my best friend. “Sorry.” She says, examining her nails. I sigh, we always have stupid little comments and fights like that but I know she’ll always have my back, and I’ll always have hers. The bus stops at another person’s house and I look up to see who’s getting on the bus. It’s Mellissa, a senior who has a serious problem with overdoing fake tan. I look back down to hear my little nokia alert me that I have a new text. I open the message, it’s from my mum telling me that I forgot my English textbook. Just perfect, I thought. Now I was going to get into trouble in the one class I was hoping to do well in today. I look out the window to see one of those cheesy billboards telling us to do our teeth, or something like that.
Finally we arrive at Green Wood Day. I grab my bag and head to my locker with Melody. I check my class schedule for the day then grab the books I need and stuff them into my bag. I check my hair in the mirror in my locker before shutting it and wait for Mel to finish applying the make up to her face. I get tired of waiting and tell her I’ll meet her in class. I walk down the hall to my first class which is English. I cringe as our teacher asks for our essay, I walk up to the front and hand over the scribble of a not that my mum wrote for me. Clare (as we all call her, she’s the only teacher who lets us call her by her first name.) sighs and tells me to have it done next time. I groan dreading having to go through that all over again. I walk down to my seat which is right beside Melody’s.
My phone vibrates in my pocket to alert me of a new text. It’s from Melody, I read it and she just wants to let me know that she likes Clare’s shoes. I sigh and type a quick reply of, yeah I guess there nice. She reply’s instantly says that I had no sense in fashion. It was true, I really didn’t mind what people thought of me. I think I literally had one tube of mascara. I look up to the board, where Clare was writing about our next homework.
Yay.
I looked down at my paper, I had no notes written yet so I took some down. I looked over at Melody’s paper, as I thought there was no notes written, and she was examining her nails, again. I scanned the class room lazily. The three lady-gods we call them, are sitting in front of me. Me and Mel decided to call them that because they treat themselves as gods and think they rule the school. Which of course they don’t. They are normally more preoccupied with their hair and what to bye next with daddy’s credit card to pay attention in class. They also wear exactly the same clothes and dye their hair the exact same coulor so it’s impossible to tell them apart. One of the lady-gods leans over my paper and their golden dyed blonde hair droops over my paper. I flick it off and she turns around and gives me a stern look. I raise my eye brows and she quickly flips her head around to face the other way.
That class goes quickly and as soon as I get in there I am rushing out the door with everyone else. My next class is art. I love art. I feel very free in it, like I can be and do whatever I like. I go outside the building and cross the yard. Most people don’t know the shortcut but I do and I go this way every day to art, and home etc. I arrive early and take my usual seat. All the chairs are in a circle with a blank sheet of paper in front of us. Ms, Addelé smiles at me, I think I’m her favourite student. I take my pens and pencils out and sit patently waiting for the rest of the class. Melody arrives late, I see her flirting with some boy outside the door, she flicks her hair over her shoulder, her signature move. I give her the look and she sighs and tells him she’ll talk to him later. The opens the door and joins me in class.
“Today ,class, I would like to welcome Luke to our class.” My eyes widen as I, and all the rest of the class, stares at him. He is beautiful. I would have never called a guy that before but that was the only way to describe it. He had dirty blonde hair, like mine, and baby blue eyes. He wore faded jeans with a hoddie that looked like it had been worn before. He smiles, then sits down. I tare my eyes away to look at Melody, she’s as mesmerized as me. I look back at Luke. What a lovely name, I realize I’m starring again and look up at the teacher.
“He’s just moved here and I would like you all to welcome him to our school. I hear Melody whisper “Oh, I’ll be welcoming all right.” I frown, I’m not sure why that upsets me but it does.
“Today we will be painting still life.” She continues. “You can either do it light by candle light or by the setting sun.” I decide to do by candle light. I look back at Luke. The teacher is talking to him. Suddenly he looks over at me. My eyes widen in alarm, I quickly look away. He then walks over to me, well I think it’s to me until he sits down beside me. The teacher must have moved him, huh that’s weird she doesn’t normally do that. I risk a quick glance his way, he’s looking at the blank paper In front of him. I take a moment to appreciate his long flowing hair, and smooth sleek face. He turns and looks at me.
“Hey,” He says.
“Hi” I reply.
Melody coughs loudly, I look over at her. She looks at Luke with a flirtatious smile. I frown and look back at, Luke. It’s too late he’s already started drawing his painting. I growl under my breath and start mine. It’s a double lesion to half an hour later I’ve drawn a pond and beautiful flowers and fireflies. Luke looks over at my painting.
“Wow.” He says, “That’s amazing.”
I blush, “Yeah it’s kinda hard I mean, I thought it would be easier but all the contrasts are stronger.” I frown at my painting.
“I don’t think you can say you’re having trouble with your painting.” He gestures to his
Do you always write in the first person Eva? It makes it harder to show as oppose to tell this way. Perhaps its why you struggle with it? Experiment with the third person, using show and tell with the same pieces, you may surprise yourself. There are a few errors, but girl if you've been writing on your phone that's understandable.
Or you could try telling the story - as narrator.
Sarah wrote: "Do you always write in the first person Eva? It makes it harder to show as oppose to tell this way. Perhaps its why you struggle with it? Experiment with the third person, using show and tell ..."
Ok thanks for your opinion! I will think about it! But i dont write on my phone.
Eva wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Do you always write in the first person Eva? It makes it harder to show as oppose to tell this way. Perhaps its why you struggle with it? Experiment with the third person, using ..."
Lol, sorry Eva, I mixed you up with the other Eva in Spain! That's why my 'opinion' may have sounded a little off! That'll teach me to look properly at the ID. Writing in the first person is frowned up by some publishers, in fact I can't bring to mind an author, other than Erica James of 50 Shades of Grey fame that has used it recently...the critics pulled it apart and still she made millions!
Sarah wrote: "Eva wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Do you always write in the first person Eva? It makes it harder to show as oppose to tell this way. Perhaps its why you struggle with it? Experiment with the third pe..."
I have a question regarding publishers not liking first person. What about the books that you see that are written in first person but trade characters every chapter (I think Ellen Hopkins does this), are they still criticized?
Eva wrote: "Here's the first Chapter of Finding Hope! Enjoy!CHAPTER ONE
“TURN THE MUSIC DOWN!!!” My mum shouted from downstairs. I sighed and got up from my seat at my desk, and walked over to my stereo to t..."
I am agreeing with Sarah on this one, give third person a shot. You seem to be doing a lot of showing instead of telling (if you need help with it I think there is a whole thread devoted to showing instead of telling).
Irene wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Eva wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Do you always write in the first person Eva? It makes it harder to show as oppose to tell this way. Perhaps its why you struggle with it? Experiment wit..."
I don't know her work, so I can't really comment. I myself find it really hard to write in the first person, I lose the thread and change to third person without realising it!
Sarah wrote: "Irene wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Eva wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Do you always write in the first person Eva? It makes it harder to show as oppose to tell this way. Perhaps its why you struggle with it? ..."
She's young adult and in the US and writes the darker side of reality. It's okay, I was just curious. I find that it has to be a really specific writing for me to do first person.
Irene wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Irene wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Eva wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Do you always write in the first person Eva? It makes it harder to show as oppose to tell this way. Perhaps its why you struggl..."I wrote a piece as narrator, but it didn't come easy to me,and it was that bad I filed it under R for Rubbish!
Sarah wrote: "Irene wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Irene wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Eva wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Do you always write in the first person Eva? It makes it harder to show as oppose to tell this way. Perhaps its w..."Nice, I think the only narrative things I have done are for school.
ok ill try the third person next time. Its just my two favorite books are in first person so I just thought.. ok thanks anyway!
Eva wrote: "ok ill try the third person next time. Its just my two favorite books are in first person so I just thought.. ok thanks anyway!"Oh, so you were trying to go by what you like? I tried to do that genre wise once and totally failed; however, with practice you may do well :)
Eva wrote: "ok ill try the third person next time. Its just my two favorite books are in first person so I just thought.. ok thanks anyway!"Poor Eva, we have sort of ganged up on you a little, sorry about that, but we only want to help, save you heartache later, Publishers can be very mean, and Agents...don't get me started on that subject...we Indie writers are damned for going the Indie route, but the fault lies at the door of Publishers and Agents who won't even give us a chance.
In order to get noticed, our work has to be out there, so just how are we supposed to do it - by telephathy perhaps - it's a viscious circle-some lucky ones do break free, all we have to hope is that one day we will get our turn! Happy writing!
Sarah wrote: "Eva wrote: "ok ill try the third person next time. Its just my two favorite books are in first person so I just thought.. ok thanks anyway!"Poor Eva, we have sort of ganged up on you a little, so..."
Yeah i was really just writing for fun! I am only 13, twelve when I wrote this. I haven't really thought about publishers yet lol! But thank you I appreciate your thoughts, I love hearing what people think of my writing!
Irene wrote: "Eva wrote: "ok ill try the third person next time. Its just my two favorite books are in first person so I just thought.. ok thanks anyway!"Oh, so you were trying to go by what you like? I tried ..."
Yes i prefer writing in first person, but i don't mind writing in third! I won a writing contest writing in third, i was 10 at the time though, im 13 now! I've completed 2 books and on a third!
Eva wrote: "Irene wrote: "Eva wrote: "ok ill try the third person next time. Its just my two favorite books are in first person so I just thought.. ok thanks anyway!"Oh, so you were trying to go by what you ..."
That's great!
Hi! I'm the other Eva...and yes writing on a phone is really hard! Imagine editing! Maybe we should start a thread on third or first person. I always write in first person and prefer to read books in first person, mainly romance books where you are feeling what the character is going through. I've read afew pubishers won't even look at first person's stories because it doesn't give them an insight of what the hero is feeling. But there is a few bestsellers that were written on first person.
Eva wrote: "Irene wrote: "Eva wrote: "ok ill try the third person next time. Its just my two favorite books are in first person so I just thought.. ok thanks anyway!"Oh, so you were trying to go by what you ..."
That explained my next query, why both the stories were about being in school. Write about what you know and all that. How about trying a famous five type mystery? Or animal rescue- it's difficult finding different subjects to write about when you're just 13 I imagine. Where in Ireland do you live the North or the South?
Eva wrote: "Hi! I'm the other Eva...and yes writing on a phone is really hard! Imagine editing! Maybe we should start a thread on third or first person. I always write in first person and prefer to read books ..."Morning Eva,
Now we have the same dilemma as Sharon and I had, never knowing which was which! Any nearer getting the lap top repaired?
Sarah wrote: "Eva wrote: "Irene wrote: "Eva wrote: "ok ill try the third person next time. Its just my two favorite books are in first person so I just thought.. ok thanks anyway!"Oh, so you were trying to go ..."
I live in the west, and i havent been to secondary school yet so i dont know what its like. Have you heard of Sarra Dessen? All her books are in the first person and are about teenage girls and no one can shut up about her! I like her books, along with many others in the first person.
Eva wrote: "Sarah wrote: "Eva wrote: "Irene wrote: "Eva wrote: "ok ill try the third person next time. Its just my two favorite books are in first person so I just thought.. ok thanks anyway!"Oh, so you were..."
No, I haven't heard of her, sorry, we're a bit cocooned here in the wilds of France, plus all the books in the shops are in French, and although I can read French perfectly well I have no inclination to do so. My reading and chatting on here is my only link with English as in the house we mainly speak French. My 11 year old daughter understands English but choses to reply in French- and that is infuriating.
Sophie starts college in September (the French version of senior school) in town at a private catholic school, she has been in private education for the last two years and has blossomed under their care. She hopes to be able to continue her education to the Lycee, and on to University. We shall see...
The west of Ireland, if my Geography serves me correctly is that around the Connemara area? I visited Connemara and Gallway Bay a few years back, it was beautiful and what struck me most were the Fuschia hedgerows and the huge Phormium plants with their massive flower spikes! And of course the lovely countryside and the clean, abandoned beaches.
If you're looking for inspiration, you should probably try the week's worth of song writing under the Creative Writing Prompts tab :)
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/3... thats for Finding Hope!
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/3...
Thats for Mon Ange Its a french name, but wrote in english!