Writer's Paradise discussion

Heeey I wrote this query letter for Reborn!! I haven't chosen an agent yet, just fyi. But uhhh this is what I have for my official first draft. Critique, please!!!



Dear [Agent:]:

When an evil spirit threatens her universe, immortal seventeen-year-old Kami must make a decision between her feelings and the safety of her entire world. Reborn, a young adult fantasy novel, is the story of her struggle. It is the first book in a proposed trilogy and consists of approximately 130, 000 words.

Two groups of immortal teenagers – the Creators and the Destroyers – have been battling for millennia, in an endless cycle of death and rebirth. Kami has been a Creator for five hundred years and has become a fierce and confident fighter in that time. But when Kami’s sister, Clio – who has reappeared as a Destroyer, a century after her supposed death – murders her brother, Kami must question everything she knows about trust and loyalty. Two months later, she meets eighteen-year-old Jack: a “Reborn”, or the newest reincarnation of an ancient Immortal spirit. When Jack joins Kami and the Creators in their battle against the Destroyers, Kami forms an immediate friendship with him. As her feelings for him grow stronger, so do his dark and unpredictable powers. As Jack and Kami learn the disturbing story of their intertwined past lives, they find out that a demonic spirit, Ravi, is raging inside of Jack. On a quest for revenge, Ravi threatens to take over Jack’s mind and, through him, conquer the entire Immortal world. Kami knows that the only way to save herself and the other Immortals is for her to kill Jack. The only problem: she’s falling in love with him.

I have written four novels including Reborn, but none have been published. The full manuscript of Reborn is available at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.


Sincerely,


Brigid Gorry-Hines

Very professional! Good work, Brigid!

I love your synopsis... the only thing is, I don't know if I would mention that none of your books have been published, unless that's required. It sounds kind of... self-effacing, you know?

I would just say, "I have written four other novels including Reborn." This lets them know that you are an experienced writer without sharing your past stories unpublished state.

Yeah, actually I took that out. :) I have a revised version ... Maybe I should post that. Hmm

Oh... maybe. Up to you. :)

I have written four novels including Reborn, but none have been published. The full manuscript of Reborn is available at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
---
I would just shorten this to:
"The full manuscript of Reborn is available at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration."

Nice job summarizing, though. It didn't sound corny or cheesy. I'm terrible at that sort of thing. xD

kk, thanks! :D

Query letter . . .. Query Letter. BRB

http://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/1...

There's the link on how to write a query letter. ((courtesy of Agentquery.com btw.)) But a query letter is basically a way of advertising your book to an agent/publisher. Everyone asks for a Query.

yup. :D oh yeah that thing on agentquery.com really helped me! :]
i got my fourth rejection today! woot! hehe.
maybe i should post the new version of my query ... it's kinda different now. esp cuz i made some changes to the plot. lol!

Dear [Agent:]:

When an evil spirit endangers everything she’s ever known, immortal seventeen-year-old Kami must make a decision between her feelings and the safety of her universe.

[reason why I'm querying the specific agent:], which is why my novel, Reborn, may interest you. It is a young adult urban fantasy and the first book in a proposed trilogy. Reborn consists of approximately 130,000 words (236 pages). The story takes place in an imaginary dimension of our own, modern world.

Kami is one of the Protectors: a race of immortal teenagers whose purpose is to protect humankind from a rival group of immortals, the Destroyers. The Protectors and the Destroyers are trapped in an ongoing battle and an endless cycle of death and rebirth. Kami's five hundred years as a Protector have made her a fierce and confident fighter, but when she meets mysterious and unpredictable Jack, she starts to question her purpose in life. Eighteen-year-old Jack is a “Reborn”, or the newest reincarnation of an immortal spirit. Kami forms an immediate friendship with Jack when he joins the Protectors, but as her feelings for him grow stronger, so do his dark and terrifying powers. When Jack and Kami learn the disturbing story that connects their past lives, they find out that a demonic spirit, Ravi, is raging inside of Jack. Seeking revenge, Ravi threatens to take over Jack’s mind and, through him, conquer the immortal world. Although Jack struggles against Ravi, Kami knows that he is slowly succumbing to his evil self. If Kami wants to save herself and the other immortals, she will have to kill Jack. The only problem: she’s falling in love with him.

As a young adult myself, I can relate to teenage readers through my writing. Reborn explores themes about the futility of violence, but it is also a tale of dangerous romance – like a cross between S.E. Hinton’s The Outsiders and Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight.

I have included the first chapter of Reborn. The full manuscript is available at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.



Sincerely,

Brigid Gorry-Hines

Note that I change the letter pretty much every time I send it ... I try to fit it to the agent. So if they don't ask for, say, a comparison or a first chapter or anything, then I would leave those out.

Also, I'm not sure if I should mention that I'm a "young adult". On one hand, I feel like it shouldn't matter. On the other hand, since I don't have any published work or anything that makes me "different" it might be an advantage. I don't know. My mom said I should try including it, but I'm not so sure ... What does everyone else think?

I didn't include that I haven't been published, but I did include that I was "going into high school," but I did say something along the lines of, Even though I'm young, i'm sure that throughout the years, I can excel beyond the writing level that I am at. Idk if that's even necessary. ha ha. Don't ask me for advice.

Hmmm ... well, normally I wouldn't put that in- only because that's not "need to know" information, but the way you added it in is very well done. It gives the agent a reason why your book would be better than an adult's because you're a teen going through this stuff yourself.

So ... I guess I'd leave it in if I were you. :D

okay. well, i'm leaving it in for now ><

:D

Hmmm... on the one hand, they may be less willing to publish you knowing that you're a young adult. On the other hand, the point you bring up is an excellent one.

I think it depends on the experience of the agent and your own personal feelings on the matter.

Yeah, there's really no way of knowing *sigh*

*sighs back*

i posted the edited version of the first five chapters of Reborn, if anyone wants to check them out. :)
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...

You might want to edit the "The only problem: she's falling in love with him" part. It's overdone, and it's not the ONLY problem.

What about something like "So she can't admit to herself that she's falling in love with him" or "It should have been simple. After all, she wasn't supposed to fall in love with him."

Oh … I've updated the query letter since I posted this. Maybe I should post the new one … lol.

I was just looking through the old posts. You don't need to do it if you don't want to. How's the search going?

Umm it's kind of on hold right now. I've had like 30-ish rejections … and then I'm still waiting on one response. I need to send out some more queries though. >_<

Oh. Look at books that are similar to yours and then find out who agented them.

how many personalized rejections?

oh wow brigid, I think I'd die at 30. I've heard this one author got 70

Well, yeah. You get a lot. There should totally be a competition.

Marisol wrote: "Oh. Look at books that are similar to yours and then find out who agented them. "

Yeah, that's basically what I've been doing. :D

Marisol wrote: "how many personalized rejections?"

Personalized as in they gave me any advice? Uhh not really any. There was one agent who asked for my manuscript and read it … she said that I'm a good writer and that the idea was cool, but she "didn't connect with the characters enough" – something vague, along those lines. That's the most feedback I've gotten, lol. And it's not very useful. :P

No I mean personalized as in "not a form letter". And that is good feedback in a 'maybe you should go join WACC' kind of a way ; )

Speaking of characters, one thing you could do for Jason is give him more of a past. I was thinking about it, and I realized we don't really know anything about him except for his mom is spanish. What did he like to do? Who were his friends? What was his favorite subject?

Annie wrote: "oh wow brigid, I think I'd die at 30. I've heard this one author got 70"

Haha, well all authors go through a lot of rejections the first time they try to get published. 30 isn't really all that much. 70 … wow. XD I can't even seem to find that many agents to query! Wellll … I'll keep researching. :P

Personalize your letters too. Tell the agent why you picked THEM, e.g. "I saw that you were the agent for _____ by ____ and my book is similar in that ____"

Yeah, I do that. Still not having any luck, but I'll keep trying … I've kinda been taking a break from it though. >.< It was just driving me crazy.

Aw. I'm sorry. Would it sound lame to say that you'll suceed eventually, even if it's not that book?

Well, I'm not giving up on the book. I mean, I might have to rewrite it – again. :( But all the hard work has to pay off someday. lol. :P

It will. Definatly.

It took me a minute to realize it was you after you changed your pic. Lol.

Hope so >_<

haha :D

It will. Because... it has to, ya know?

I … guess. XD

*sigh* I'm trying to figure out how to save my characters from drowning, and I cant decide if I should kill someone off.