The Writer's Cafe discussion

Turning into an alleyway, Enid allowed her pace to slow to a cautious crawl. She tugged her coat more tightly around herself, pulling the collar in close. The buildings and rooftops were close together here, and less rain found its way between them than on the busy thoroughfare she had just left, but it didn’t make much difference. The damp air seemed to find her neck no matter how closely her coat was held, and Enid shivered a little as she continued to walk.

Behind her, the traffic poured on unrelentingly, with occasional horn blasts and the slamming of car doors blurring together with the sound of tires indifferently sloshing through puddles. It was already well into evening, and the commuters were all anxious to leave this run-down corner of the old city and return to the refuge of their homes.

Ancient-looking streetlamps were scattered down the length of the alley. They appeared almost random in their placement, with some standing boldly on corners while others were attached to slowly crumbling brick walls. Some were strung on cables high above the ground, while still others were almost completely obscured by buildings that had been torn down and rebuilt around them.

Only a few of the streetlamps were lit, and those that were displayed a tendency to splutter. They had obviously not been included in the reconstruction that had transformed most of the city’s streets into pantheons of neon modernization. Instead, they had been allowed to wither and decay in their own time, as wires frayed and bulbs blew. The jagged bits of glass that hung from some bore silent testament to the presence of either the class of criminals who required darkness to thrive, or of reckless teenagers with a mind for vandalism. Most of the light in the dimly lit alley came from the windows of old storefronts and the tenements above them, the light spilling out into the rainy night like pockets of glowing warmth.

Enid paused in the darkness below one of the dilapidated streetlamps, and looked over her shoulder. There was no one in sight, and the alley was empty all the way back to the cross street, where the headlights and streetlights reflected streaks of white and red in the pooled water on the pavement. Enid frowned a little, then shook herself. She hitched her bag a little further up her shoulder and kept picking her way forward.

The alley had once been a narrow street, back in the city’s long-forgotten past, and a small strip of sidewalk lined either side of a glorified gutter that ran down the middle of it. The sidewalk was cracked and broken, and Enid had to choose her steps carefully to avoid tripping.

Ahead of her the darkness stretched uninterrupted for nearly two blocks. There, in the distance, she could see a glowing advertisement for palm and tarot card readings hanging from a storefront. Across the alley, and a little closer, stood one of the few working streetlamps, beneath which lounged a man, his face obscured by the up-turned collar of his raincoat.

Evening had deepened into night, and one by one the storefronts and windows were being shuttered up against the lateness of the hour. As each one closed, another bubble of light and warmth disappeared from the alley, leaving it darker and more abandoned than ever.

By the time she reached the end of the next block, Enid had looked over her shoulder twice more. Each time, the alley was empty, and each time she had turned back and resumed her journey. She tried to focus on the neon sign ahead of her, which was blinking back and forth between the words “palm” and “readings,” but moments later she heard it again. Footsteps, behind her. Following her.

Enid started moving faster, holding her bag tight against her side with one elbow while her hand still tried to keep her coat closed against the drizzling rain. Behind her the footsteps continued, she was certain of it, though she could no longer hear them over the thudding of her heart.

I love the description, it's just fantastic in details and flows so great into creating a mental image. and I loved where you chose to stop the idea, it's like, a cliffhanger episode. you're greeted with wonderful scenery then it ends and you trying to figure out, what happened?! DX
sorry I suck at feedback but I just adored this and had to have my input.

Michael wrote: "I love the description, it's just fantastic in details and flows so great into creating a mental image. and I loved where you chose to stop the idea, it's like, a cliffhanger episode. you're greete..."

Thank you for the feedback, Michael! I've actually been reading some of your own entries lately - I keep meaning to post comments, but haven't done so yet. : ) But overall I like your writing style quite a bit - although that might be because it seems to have some overlap with my own. : ) Lots of good description, and a solid way of building the scene and the setting all at once - I hope you keep posting your writing.

Dana wrote: "Michael wrote: "I love the description, it's just fantastic in details and flows so great into creating a mental image. and I loved where you chose to stop the idea, it's like, a cliffhanger episod..."

and my day has just been made XD
I've been meaning to post some of a current story for my next Vol, but the intro I want to post is too long haha XD DX to kinda show growth, and what not, but thank you, very very much
but i'm actually rereading this over and over just loving it more :) quite addicting

Michael wrote: "Dana wrote: "Michael wrote: "I love the description, it's just fantastic in details and flows so great into creating a mental image. and I loved where you chose to stop the idea, it's like, a cliff..."

You could always use multiple posts to get the whole intro posted - when I posted my Mirror, Mirror story, I think it took something like nineteen entries to get the whole thing out there. : )

Dana wrote: "Michael wrote: "Dana wrote: "Michael wrote: "I love the description, it's just fantastic in details and flows so great into creating a mental image. and I loved where you chose to stop the idea, it..."

you have just inspired me, I think I may post a couple entries for the intro of that one and one that's already published haha thank you for your help, for the inspiration and the fantastic read that is addicting. :)

I love this! You had me right there with her, seeing and feeling what she was. Can't wait to see more of the story. Great build up...will she make it to the Palm Reader's door and if so, will she be safe from there? I really enjoyed this. Please…keep writing!

Diana wrote: "I love this! You had me right there with her, seeing and feeling what she was. Can't wait to see more of the story. Great build up...will she make it to the Palm Reader's door and if so, will she b..."

Thank you, Diana! I appreciate the feedback. : )

This was a joy to read. You have a great talent for description and using that to pull the reader right into your story. Keep up the good work!

Thank you, Brady!