Bisky's Twitterling's Scribbles! discussion

What's the opening line for your novel, short story, or whatever you're working on? :D How long did it take to come up with it (in other words how many revisions :p)? What beautiful piece of inspiration brought this angelic opening line to you?

What do you think makes a good opening line? :D

The lights were dimmed to half-power, allowing the fireplace to cast a warm, orange glow throughout the room.

I wanted to take the reader into a false sense of comfort before hinting of bad things to come.

A good opening line to me is one that immediately puts a clear image in my mind. Often, those give me no trouble. It's the ending line that makes me grit my teeth, very difficult for me to do.

I like my opening lines to set the tone and drop the reader right smack in the middle of the inciting incident. In my recently released Novel, the opening line is "Jamie died two years, ten months and twelve days after we were married." It was really hard to find a way to introduce what many consider a depressing topic (death of a spouse) and yet entice the reader to stick around. Having the MC counting days somewhat obsessively throughout the book helped reinforce the theme without becoming morose.

With that said, my favorite opening line (on a novel I'm revising) is "I was sixteen when I stole my sister’s car." I just love the way it catches you by surprise and gives you a little insight to the character.

As for what brought these lines to you, strange as it may sound, they are both snippets of my real life! Reality IS indeed the source of great fiction!

So true, Mark! I find it much harder to end my novels on a satisfying note than to begin the story... Er - that would explain all the half-started WIPS on my computer!

Lady Luck is said to be a cruel mistress, and the assasin knew he was no longer her favorite as soon as the guard moved. The Queen was fated to live for another night.

I decided to start the story with a fastforward. After that I continued with the story from the begining. I am not sure how long it took me to reach to this opening.

I'm working on an assignment for an online writing course at the moment. It's the last one and there's a price for the best creation...

Anyway, I came up with two stories but can't decide which one to use. The story has to be less than 1500 WC so not much leeway.

Now, with this thread on opening sentences, I might have a clearer idea.

One of the two starts rather dull I think. We arrived in Las Vegas late into the evening. The second sentence is more engaging, but the readers might have to read the full paragraph to get the effect.

The second story's first sentence might have a better and faster impact on the readers. I remember that day as if it were only yesterday, although sometimes I wished I did not.

(I hate decisions... I have until Tuesday night to post my work, so hopefully something will happen during the week end, which will help me decide. :/ )

@Mark I like that... I like opening with ambience... :)

@Barbara Yes, it caught my attention... a bit young to start stealing! :p

@Kamil I loved that. I love it when things such as luck, fate, etc, are given a title and talked about as if a living creature. It always gets me. :)

@Mark Mission accomplished! I was like oooh I like and then you said the "bad things to come" and I was like :o lol Good one! :)

@Barbara I like them! You're right, tone is certainly a good thing to establish right away, asap so the reader knows what they're in for :3

@Kamil Ohhh good technique! :D And I really like it too ^^

@GG Personally, I like the first one "We arrived in Las Vegas late into the evening", because it's short and sweet and who doesn't love Vegas :p And sometimes it takes a couple sentences to pull the reader in, that's okay :)

For the other, "I remember that day as if it were yesterday…" might be seen as "cliche," because it's, some would say, overused. Readers may think, gee how many stories have I read like this? But the other half of the sentence really makes up for the (debatable) 'cliche' start.

They both sound intriguing! Personally, (based off the first sentences) I would like to read a story about Vegas baby ;)

Thank you Nicole! Your reasoning makes sense. :)
I'll have to dissect both stories to see if they fit the requirements... I guess that's kind of more important than the first line in my case...
I HATE CHOICES! :S

Lol me too! I'm too easy going to make any choices lol, but i know you can do it GG and whatever you pick, it'll be totally awesome! :D Good luck ^^

Thank you!

@G.G. you could use the second sentence to set the mood, and the first one to set the place in which the events unfold

Thanks Kamil. That's what I was aiming for with that one. I had to set the place first, but the rest of the paragraph is all mood.

That stupid lesson is by far the most complicated so far... Good thing it's the last one. :/

There's a pungency in this city that can’t be masked by the bitterness of a cigarette. - A Dance With Fury

It took me a while to get right, but that's mainly because I wasn't sure how I wanted to handle the backstory of my MC.

I wanted to give a sense of a modern city that has it's issues that you can't really escape from, no matter how well they are hidden.

I also have a thing for smoking characters. I guess it's the whole edgy sex appeal of them. I've never smoked a ciagrette though, so the only reason I know they are bitter is becuase I've read about them. *Pushes glasses up her nose*

My current WIP:

The day humanity discovered the experience of fear could be used as a method of control, was the day their God abandoned them.

:D

"My mouth twitches as I wipe drool from the side of my face. - Liquid Perception

The mouth twitch is a side effect of a certain mental illness or drug that the main character is on. Also I wanted to briefly show that they woke recently. Obviously I expect this to be the most eloquent of opening lines (lol /sarcasm).

I don't have my novel with me so I'll have to post that later.

My other story "Box of Crayons" isn't finished and I'm thinking of dropping the opening sequence. It starts out in a flashback, but I'm probably going to drop the opening and start at the beginning.

@Bisky That's so deep ^^ It makes me feels lol The first (and last) time I smoked a cigarette I got sick for two weeks and it was as bitter as hell xp So points for accuracy! lol And yeah, why is a character that smokes just so sexy? They're just so cool *-*

OMG the WIP is sooooo good! I mean really really good. I wanna read more ._. now. please.


@Brian That's a great insight to the character :) Good description :) Makes me want to read more because i'm like why. Why is he drooling? Does he see something he likes? Is he salivating over food? Just woke up? Buahahaha good tactic ;)

@Nicole that's one of my stories on Wattpad, so if you ever find me you can read the whole thing ;)

Nicole wrote: "@Mark Mission accomplished! I was like oooh I like and then you said the "bad things to come" and I was like :o lol Good one! :)

@Barbara I like them! You're right, tone is certainly a good thing ..."

Funny you mention Vegas - that's where the character drove the stolen car!

@Barbara Hey maybe our characters will meet then. :P

@Nicole I thought about what you said... the cliché so I moved the sentence around so it doesn't seem as bad... well I think it doesn't...

One would think after four-hundred years the memory would have faded. Yet I remember that day as if it were only yesterday, although sometimes I wished I did not.

I sandwiched it between two other non-cliché... Does it sound better?

Worlds better! It's amazing GG! And I want to read it! *tries to steal book through computer screen*

But seriously no more cliche vibe at all :) it pulls the reader in ^^ good job :D

Lol thanks Nicole :) It's not a book though, just about 1200 WC. I will post it on my blog here on GR once I turn it in as I did with all my assignments so far.

I'm still debating wich to turn in but in the meantime, I'm trying to edit both as best I can.

Even better, cause then I get to read it :D You got this ^^ I'm sure whichever you turn it it'll be great :)

Beneath iridescent gray clouds, the land lay in unnatural stillness.

This is from my novel I am working on. It took me about three revisions to settle on this, only because I kept pushing the starting point, further into the past of my characters. Does that make sense?

I wanted to bring the readers into my world with something that recognized, something universal. So I thought, how about a cloudy day? Or more importantly what lay behind the cloud.

As for good opening lines, I like using nature for bringing my readers in.

Ooooohhhh Kelly! That's beautiful imagery, and I'm pretty certain you've never shown me that before :< How could you hide such a treasure from me? Unless you showed me an earlier draft… :x Okay that's prob what happened, we can be friends again :p

I like that Kelly! Very nice!
I love to start with nature too... My novel's first chapter starts with that, although strangely enough, someone on yahoo told me I should keep that line for later when the readers would know my protagonist more... (Yeah, kind of strange for a remark...)

"The first time I died, I forgot everything about the world I came from. The second time I died, I didn’t forget. I didn’t have that luxury."

"I died in a pile of trash, with a timber as big around as my head poking through my back and out my stomach."


I thought that sharing this info right off the bat would introduce enough questions to really snag the reader by the nape of the neck and force his face into the pages.

That's intriguing all right! lol

Nice line, Kelly. E.S., also an intriguing opening. Start lines like that capture readers :-)

G.G. wrote: "@Barbara Hey maybe our characters will meet then. :P"

Oooh - that could be a new thing!

I could see that... two protagonists meeting in one book :P

G.G. wrote: "I could see that... two protagonists meeting in one book :P"

Talking and interacting across both books? A lot of NA lately has two books (one from each major POV) covering same time period - but what if you ran two books in parallel without the overlap? Sort of an 'interactive' story line? Difficult to do, but could be interesting.

you mean like both protagonist reacting to a common goal/enemy/calamity or whatever, without ever meeting in book? (Would be cool that they'd meet at some point for a few seconds such as catching from the corner of the eyes... :P

G.G. wrote: "you mean like both protagonist reacting to a common goal/enemy/calamity or whatever, without ever meeting in book? (Would be cool that they'd meet at some point for a few seconds such as catching f..."

Exactly what I was thinking - how challenging and fun that would be to write!

lol sure would!

My house doesn't smell like this-
Opening line from Between Octobers, out June 17,2014

Eww haha :p

Llew’s visit to Cassidy’s corpse had done little to ease her fears, but at least she had said a proper goodbye this time.

Opening for my current WIP.

I think I suck at catchy openings and closings... Hopefully I get it right enough in the middle! Gotta get the reader there first, though, eh?

Aww thanks guy :) E.S., A.R., nice opening lines. And yes G.G. I love opening stories with nature. Something soothing about it. Clearly that person has not been captivated by the awesomeness of nature. Lol

@ES I love both of those! They're so good ._. The first one especially.

@Deb It's great! Very intriguing.

I should've never created this thread because now I'm just hungry to read all of your guys' books lol They're all so gooooood!

@Kelly This is the sentence, and I will explain why that person felt that way.

"Mesmerized by its beauty, I found myself staring at the sky with its only sun."

The person thought it was too early to reveal that the protagonist was 'surprised' there was only one sun, because the readers didn't care for him yet.
Personally, I had written it that way so the readers would know he was on a 'strange' world, different from his. I since then added a prologue to explain that part, yet I was also told I didn't put enough explanation in the prologue. I realize now that I will never please everyone, and that's ok. It comes with the 'job'. :P

@G.G. When it comes to the strange and wonderful, I love it when authors establish the difference early on, but I understand. Yea the only person I found the easiest to please, when writing, is ourselves :)

Kelly wrote: "@G.G. Yea the only person I found the easiest to please, when writing, is ourselves..."

Oh and then again... sometimes we are our worst critics! :P

Actually, my opening line came to me when I climbed into bed and had been preparing to fall asleep. I jumped out of bed and quickly put it in my novel. It was such a simple line. Here I'd been trying to conjure something that would "stick" in the reader's mind, and I was making it too complicated. Pithy sentences make the best opening lines.

Nicole wrote: "What's the opening line for your novel, short story, or whatever you're working on? :D How long did it take to come up with it (in other words how many revisions :p)? What beautiful piece of inspir..."

@jennifer sounds like they're all gonna die! ._.

In agony, she cried out softly, “Carson, it hurts.” Shifting her frail, gaunt body from left to right, she hoped to ease some of her unbearable pain, but it was useless—it was everywhere.

This line went through at least 10 revisions. I had trouble figuring out how to grab reader's attention. After months of editing, I decide that I wanted readers to feel the heroes' internal pain so they could understand how he ended up in his pathetic state.

What makes a good opening line? Will someone here tell please;) lol:))))

@Nikki I wish all my opening lines came to me that easily haha I think there is definitely something to "pitchy sentences" haha But I think by doing that the author has to make sure they're not too obviously "pitchy" or else it could be a turn-off to some I think. Balance is key.

@Jennifer I like it! So spooky, def sets the mood. Kinda like how a scary movie starts out, but I don't think they're all gonna die lol

@Lan Oh my gosh, that's good! Certainly got my attention lol It makes me want to read more because I want to find out what hurts, and while I don't think it was meant to come off sexually, it kind does which is, what I think, grabs a lot more of people's attention. Double meanings always get people going. I think you did a good job with your opening line :)
I think everyone here did a really good job describing what goes in a good opening line, if you want to go back and read everyones posts, but basically what was established was a good opening line should/could

-grab the readers attention
-set up/describe the world your in
-introduce the character
-introduce conflict or
-any combination of these.

Personally, I like to write a statement that forces the reader to ask questions, and if they want those questions answered they have to read on ;3

For example, my opening line for ReiHana is

"She waited for them."

Hopefully, that makes the reader ask "who is waiting?", "Why are they waiting?", "Who are they waiting for?" and then they want to read on to find out ^^

Nicole- thanks for the pointers:) I find that these little group topics are very helpful. I love hearing all the different POV's.

To everyone: I have a suggestion...not sure if everyone would like to participate... But- occasionally, I'll have a terrible time writing and rewriting that one sentence... I'm not sure if anyone has ever experienced this problem. Wouldn't it be a great idea if we could share that sentence and do a group effort 'rewrite'... What does everyone think?

Sure, just start a new toping. That certainly could become helpful :)