Writer's Aid discussion

Needs some editing.

"Cat, come back here! Cat! Cathy!"Cat's mother cried. The streets were crowded, and her 5-year-old daughter could easily get lost. She saw Cat near the window of a doll shop. Her eyes were fixed to a doll inside. "There you are!"her mother said, heaving a sigh of relief. "Now, we better get going." "Mum, I need that doll,"said Cat. Cat's mother gave her a worried look. "I think you have enough dolls already." However, Cat refused to budge, and stamped the ground indignantly. "I need that doll! I need it! I need it!" Cat's mother sighed; she had no choice. "Fine, I'll get you the doll."

"I'm going to name you Angel,"Cat said, excitedly. Jubilant hands held the doll home. Cat sat in her room, looking at her new doll. "One, because you look like a sweet Angel. Second, you remind me of my nemesis. I've only seen her once, but I believe her name is Angeline- or was it Angelica?"

The doll sat on the floor in it's white frock; its golden hair left loose. A smile on its face removed vanity from its appearance. Angel's blue eyes reflected Cat's glowing face.

"Today, I'd like to introduce you to a new friend. Please welcome...Angel! Angel, this is Annie,"Cat said, pointing at a dark haired doll siting to her right. "And this is Ferica,"Cat's hand revealed a blonde doll. "Edward, Serena and Clovis,"she said, looking at a brown haired doll with a gun, an auburn doll in pink, and another handsomely dressed boy doll respectively. "Oh, and I am Catherine Johnson, call me Cat. I'm 5." Cat got up and looked serious. She began to walk to and fro.

"There are certain rules you must abide by whilst your stay here. Rule number one: you must maintain cordial relationships with everyone. Rule number two: you must be present when I'm home, taking my bath, while I'm asleep; in short, you must always be with me. Except for school. Rule number three: you must sleep/ stay in the bed assigned to you. Rule number four- what was it again?"she paused to think. "Right! Rule number four: you must not throw a tantrum when I give you a bath, change your clothes. They must be changed thrice a day. That is all for now,"she said, and bowed.

She held Angel up to a cupboard. It looked like a room for a doll- there were many rooms similar to this. There was a bed and a chest of clothes in each one of them. "This is your room,"she placed all the other dolls in similar sections in the cupboard.

"Lights out, Cat,"her father said, walking into the room. He put her in bed, kissed her goodnight, and walked out. Soon, our little Catherine Johnson fell asleep.

The clock struck twelve. "Clovis. Edward,"a faint voice called out. "What is it, Ferica?"Edward said, irritatedly. "I've just engaged in a conversation with the new doll, Angel, and her name contradicts with her personality,"Ferica said. "I bet Angel is a sweet girl- modest and humble,"said Clovis

Ferica grinned. "Oh no, Clovis. Don't be mistaken. She is the diabolical incarnation of Satan's younger sister."
"Incarnation?"they asked.
"Well, in the form of a doll."
"Are you trying to imply that Angel is not sweet?"Serena raised her eyebrows.
Ferica nodded. "On the contrary, she is a demon."
"That is good news,"Annie said. She looked at the somnolent Cat in her bed. Her lips curled into a smile.
"Very good news for us."

Hey hallie. I really like the idea for this story especially the twist into the dark and dangerous. I'm not exactly sure how to advise you, but I would like to know more about the dolls. Are you going to tell the story revolving around a particular doll? Like showing their thoughts and stuff? Because I'd like that and I think it would help the reader understand possible backstories etc better. I'm really looking forward to reading more.

Thank you, Alice :) I'm going to write the story from Angel's point of view. I'll also try to make it mysterious but not vague, and often using the help of the other dolls to narrate the history in the house. Once again, thank you for reading.

It's okay. I enjoyed it. :)

Oh I like the idea of the story coming from Angels POV. You have a great way of ending your stories. Thanks for sharing

Thank you for reading, Jessica! :)