Writer's Aid discussion

Before everything, I'd like to mention that I wrote this when I was 10. I was pretty naive then, didn't know to write a good story, and when I got an idea in my mind, it just came on paper. I tried to edit it, but indolence always gets the best of me. So please excuse the ersatz standards.

I was walking back home from the playground. It was a nice game of football. Suddenly I stopped. Something was blocking my way.A strange black rock. It reminded me of a rock I had seen while trekking, but this one was black. It looked nice,but not appealing to me. Then I thought I heard some voice. Like my parents'. "Stop imagining!" I told myself. I resumed my walk back home after pushing aside the rock.

After walking for about five minutes, I heard the same noises again. The same rock was blocking my path. Wait a minute. The same rock? Rocks don't walk.Must be another one. Then I proceeded back home, with the accident I witnessed in my mind.

Claire. My friend. The poor orphan. All of us know her parents are dead now. Not again! The stone! But this time I had a strong feeling it was the same one. So I marked the stone with a 'v' . Next time I see it I would know it was the same.

Finally, I reached home. "Mum! Dad!" I called out. "Mum! Dad!" I repeated. "Mum!DAD!" I shouted frightened not getting any response. The house was creepy enough. Everything was still. "MUM" I cried walking into the garden. Imagine what I found! The stones in the garden. Many of them scattered all around. The voices; the same ones. "Honey, that was bad manners." The voice like my mum's said. "I agree!" A voice like my dad's! But I could not see anyone. "You must be punished for refusing our gift!"it said. "Gift?" I asked. "Time for your punishment," it said. I saw two white figures. On looking at their faces, I was shocked by seeing them look just like my parents.

Suddenly, I realized everything. It wasn't Claire's parents who died; it was mine. Their spirits tried gifting me the black stone. And it was their voice. "Stay still," the spirit of my mum commanded. The last thing I saw was the silver blade of an axe. There was a loud noise, and everything went blank. The next thing I heard was a sweet ghostly voice. "Welcome back!"