Suicide, a no go discussion

I started to get bullied in 4th grade. I was made fun about my body, how I dressed, what I did. Middle school was hell and I would just come home and cry. My parents didn't notice, and I don't think would have cared. Now as a freshman in high school, I still am bullied a lot, but can hide it pretty well. Recently getting a boyfriend, IDK how, he has no idea. I don't want him to be mad, or break up with me because of my past. I have not self harmed, but have thought of suicide a few times. It sucks, but I guess that's life.

umm. deffiently worth talking to him about getting bullied.

Yeah

Kassidy wrote: "I started to get bullied in 4th grade. I was made fun about my body, how I dressed, what I did. Middle school was hell and I would just come home and cry. My parents didn't notice, and I don't thin..."

I just don't want him to leave...

hes not worth having if he won't protect you. Hes not worth having if he can't accept you for you. Relationships are more than just the superficial things, they are also about the emotional bond.

Thank you :) I just feel like all people do is leave me so I have really bad trust issues sometimes

a partner in life isn't supposed to do that.

I hope so

So this group hasn't been active in a while, and I've been busy, but I just want to rant, even if someone won't read it. I've been really depressed lately. It's a struggle to get up every single morning. I just want to be happy. I've been helping so many people, talking them out of suicide, starvation, and self harm, and my mental health is going downhill fast, but I'm not doing anything to help myself. I just need everyone else to be okay before I want to be cuz they deserve it more than me.

Another update. I'm constantly tired. I just want to sleep forever. I have a boyfriend for over a year, but there's this new boy who says he loves me as well. I have feelings for both of them. I don't know how to feel about it. I'm tired.

Just another update. Two weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend. He was mad because I wouldn't tell him when I was upset. He also told me that I had no reason to be sad, and just get better. I lost it. Our relationship had been going downhill for like a few months. So I snapped, I told him I sacrificed so much for him, I did everything. He said he didn't deserve any of this, and said I didn't love him. So I told him I didn't feel like this was a healthy relationship and we needed to break up. He walked out of the room. I cried for I don't even know how long. He went and he told everyone that I was a terrible person. Almost all of my friends have stopped talking to me. I walk to almost all my classes alone, and I sit alone in a practice room in our school's band room. I have 3 friends, and that is literally it. Even two out of those 3 friends won't talk to me in person. The one friend that has stuck by my side is the boy that likes me. And honestly, I have so much respect for him. He makes me so happy, but everyone is mad at me because every single person is convinced I broke up with my bf because of him, which is DEFINITELY not one of the reasons why. So I'm just really happy that I at least have him. Like today is Valentine's Day and our school does singing Valentines. He bought me one and they sang "Never Gonna Give You Up" and I laughed so hard because it was just a group of guys singing to me. He honestly just keeps on going out of his way for me, which my ex never did. I don't know if I'm falling for him, but I'm scared to. He also knows about all of my thoughts and that I went through a period of self harm. He has supported me through thick and thin, and he's so great. Hopefully things will get better, but we'll see... at least I know I have my best friend by my side, even if only for a little while...

Just another update I guess. It feels nice to write about this stuff. More of my friends have left. There's more nasty rumors about me going around. It sucks, But that's life. For the friends that stuck around, I am carrying any and all of their emotional weight for them. But I'm struggling as well. One of my friends said she was talking with my ex and he said that he should've broken up with me a long time ago because he hated my body. I'm not extremely skinny, yeah I have curves, but now I am extremely self conscious about it, and I hate it. There's days where I don't eat sometimes because I just want to be skinnier and then maybe more people will like me. And on top of all this, my parents are fighting, so sometimes after school I go over to my guy friend's house. Yesterday I ended up breaking down and sobbing after school because of all the stress and I just sat in his room and bawled and he just held me while I cried and told me everything was going to be alright and tbh he makes me feel so safe but I'm scared because I don't want to emotionally attach myself to someone because I always get hurt and everyone walks away so honestly idk. I believe everything will be okay, I just have to wait for it...

He means the world to me, honestly, I don't think we will ever date but he makes me feel so happy. Nothing has gotten better so it's been rough but at least I know he's here for me. I went over to his house again last night and I feel so safe there and his mom is so sweet. We ended up watching a movie and cuddling and I fell asleep because I'm just so exhausted. I don't sleep well at my house anymore because of family drama. When I woke up he was still there and he was playing with my hair and being so sweet and he just held me closer and sang to me. I'm so thankful for him. The only issue is is that he tried to kiss me and I pulled away because I'm scared to fall for him... I don't know if I can fall in love with him, I'm scared to fall for him, he's my best friend, I can't lose him...

So I just got back from spring break today. Our family went to Florida, and we went with a bunch of baseball families. Which means I barely got along with anyone. Um they ended up dragging me to a college age party and there were drinks and I was the only girl. He ended up pulling me into his lap and touching me so I slapped him. He got so mad and I have never run so fast. I immediately started talking to my best guy friend and he calmed me down even though he's like over a thousand miles away. He's so great tbh. My parents wouldn't let me see him when we got back today and I just really needed him and I feel bad cuz I couldn't see him... damn I'm falling hard for him...

I don't know what to do I did something wrong he's pushing me away but I'm so clingy and I don't know how to live without him I love him he is my world and I messed it all up it hurts I just want him I want to feel okay he's the only thing keeping me sane...

it's been a year. I have no idea if anyone reads these. I no longer talk to the two boys that crushed my heart. I have someone new. We have been dating since Setember. He makes me feel happy. Life is better, for now. And that's all I want. Prom is coming up and I couldn't be happier with the boy who is taking me. Life gets better. :) Even for a little while..

I don't think anyone really gets on here anymore. But I'm super happy for you :)