Our Shared Shelf discussion

Hey man,

thanks for sharing this story with us, I guess it must be hard sometimes to really speak out about this... I never had a depression, and I hope Ill never get one, so I cant really know how its like, the feeling you get, etc...
So because you shared this, I know have a wider view of depressed people.

Thanks again and keep strong,
-Simon <3

Hey, Ryan, hang in there, man! :) It's a good thing that you stumbled upon that post, both for you and for us.

I hear you and instead of saying the typical 'I'm so sorry that you're going through depression,' well I just wish you succeed in doing what is best for yourself now that you've heard the warning. I would probably be a navel-gazing, self-absorbed moron (pardon my French!) if I said I suffer from depression...but I haven't been in my best shape lately. No tragic events and/or traumas, luckily...again, I lead quite the good life and that's something I try to remember when I'm whining for the 10000000th time, LOL. However, I've had some changes in my life lately, and I had to make decisions that I didn't really want to make and that ended up with me having to return to my hometown after quite a long time abroad, I'm in my mid-twenties as well with the mini existential crisis that this normally entails, blahblah. Insert the normal ups and downs of life and you've got someone who is often moody and feeling all the sadz, haha.

I can really relate to you finding out about OSS and deciding to give it a go just in case it helps! I've been doing something similar in the last months, in the hope that it'd keep me too busy to think too much. I guess right now it feels to me like a waiting period in my life, although this is probably a wrong view, since as long as we are alive and kicking, life never really stops and wait for us...as it should be.

Things will hopefully get better! Also, people brave enough to follow their freaking dreams always deserve my respect. I can only hope I am one of such a tribe!

When you're depressed you usually have no idea what it is.....I didn't.
Wish I had this support system back then. I battled it alone.

Find that is very courageous and commendable of you to share that.
I think that if you are important for somebody then you are important. And you are a part of this beautiful community. I don't know if it's selfish or not, you're just doing what you think that you have to do and you're right!
Maybe am I in a wonderful world with poneys and unicorns haha but I really think like that and it makes me smile every day. Keep strong and thank you to be here! :)

I hope it's OK for me to keep intruding in this thread although I am just going through a blue mood period! The most difficult part for me right now is snapping out of my mindset. I know that I came to this gloomy place in my mind by myself, and I try really hard to get out of it, but I am ashamed to admit that I often fail miserably, haha. You get some negative ideas in your mind and you have to be really careful with those, I feel. Self-criticism is indeed necessary, but have a bit too much of it and things can get out of hand real fast. You end up being incredibly harsh to yourself and it ultimately affects your capacity to focus on important stuff and, well, to believe in yourself and respect yourself, because if you don't, well, nobody will really.

As my mother always likes to say, we all keep our skeletons in the closet. Nobody out there is perfect. Note that this might be of no real use to others, but to me, it's something that I always must try and remember.

Helen, aw. :( At least you talk about it in the past tense, which is good news? :)

Ryan, I find myself re-reading your post and you said that:

"Many times, this complete shut-down of energy is necessary (...)"

You know, at the end of my stay abroad I had this feeling, 'I'm too tired and everything is ruined now.' Because my plans had basically busted, for the first time in my life I felt completely stuck. Zero prospects in sight and only a tiny voice whispering, 'Hey, no, stand up, there's so much to do and maybe this is actually a sign for you to stop and think about what's next.'

...As I said, I still have the nasty habit of feeling sorry for myself and agonising over the big scary word that future is. But you know what? I am currently studying something that I had wished to study ever since I was a teenager, and I have plenty of stuff going on in the meantime and am trying to make some plans for next year. I have zero guarantees that those will turn up nicely, though, which is hard. But that's just how life is. You gotta keep trying, one day at a time.

Also, and I'll shut up for a sec, I promise, I am a massive fan of Haruki Murakami, and he has this novel titled Dance, Dance, Dance where one of the characters has this gem of a quote:

“Dance," said the Sheep Man. "You gotta dance. As long as the music plays. You gotta dance. Don't even think why. Start to think, your feet stop. Your feet stop, we get stuck. We get stuck, you're stuck. So don't pay any mind, no matter how dumb. You gotta keep the step. You gotta limber up. You gotta loosen what you bolted down. You gotta use all you got. We know you're tired, tired and scared. Happens to everyone, okay? Just don't let your feet stop.”

Ana wrote: "I hope it's OK for me to keep intruding in this thread although for me it's just a blue mood period! The most difficult part for me right now is snapping out of my mindset. I know that I came to th..."

Guuuuurrllllfreeeennnnnn, I have been several times depressed, i only knew I was depressed because I lost a lot of weight, so yeah it's
past tense because it's in the past. I am allright. It is great news.

That's great indeed, Elena! :D Human mind is quite the complex thing, right? You never really know. With your body organs, tests can usually ascertain whether there's something wrong. The mind's enemies, however, are often of the invisible kind. :(

Ana wrote: "That's great indeed, Elena! :D Human mind is quite the complex thing, right? You never really know. With your body organs, tests can usually ascertain whether there's something wrong. The mind's en..."

yeah, it is. i completely changed my way of thinking, I'm trying to make myself happy every day. For the sake of me.

Ryan wrote: "I guess really again it's a thank you all being you (=
."

Awww:)

There is a such a stigma to having anxiety or depression, so good on you for speaking up! It's an illness, like having any other chronic health condition. I hope you rise further above the water soon. :)

Ryan, just know we're here to support you!

There are many many many people out there, who suffer from depression, chronic or not. I'm in the boat, too. Winter usually is worse for me, since there is so little sunshine here then. I'd rather just talk about it than talk about the stigma around it :)

Kodak wrote: "I could put on a mask and tell myself - how would I act in this situation if I were successful/good at my job? For me, acting actually been a good aid. But I've never taken medication for it - I'm too stubborn :'D"

For some reason this paragraph made me think of Amy Cuddy's TEDtalk on posture and testosterone. It's extremely interesting, and just one example of how much we can influence body and mind.

Thanks you for your brave post (and everyone else, as well)! I am glad that this community has been helpful so far.

I've had lots of anxiety-related health problems, and it took many years of failing to manage symptoms to realize that the cause was much deeper. I've had periods of depression, although never officially diagnosed, and the anxiety is a pretty much a constant. But I found that for me, the first step was realizing that it is not something I can control, and that acceptance allowed me to relax a little. I did not have to feel responsible for the way my body treats me and reacts to things.

I've also learned to be open about my struggles, and to speak about it very casually. I've come to find that so many, perhaps even a majority, of my friends have similar issues. This of course depends on your social circle (some hold on to the stigma more steadfastly than others), but if nothing else, this is a good place to practice!

Not to mention, books have always been a positive escape for me. My worst period of anxiety was at a time when I did not have the time to read... instead, I threw myself into work that needed to get done (also helpful and relaxing for me actually, but not as much).

In a mad world like ours depression sometimes is the only way we can isolate from it. It's not necessarily a bad thing (generally speaking it is, but due to circumstances it can be better than other options). You know what they say, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger ;). So just carry on and hopefully it will get better!

Elena wrote: "In a mad world like ours depression sometimes is the only way we can isolate from it. It's not necessarily a bad thing (generally speaking it is, but due to circumstances it can be better than othe..."

Sorry but that's a little mean. People get depressed because of stress or anxiety, not to escape the world or hide or isolate.

Since this is Emma's group and we're talking about depression, I want to chime in with something I wrote after Alan Rickman's death:

Call me a lightweight, but my favorite Alan Rickman role will always be Snape. Snape is the most complex character in the Harry Potter series, and Alan Rickman did a spectacular job with him. Who can forget him holding his arms up to protect Harry and Hermione from Lupin as werewolf, or the scene of him crying over Lily’s dead body? But Snape wasn’t rising to heroics, he was just bitter and angry, and Rickman did that brilliantly, too. So when I heard his voice as Marvin in “The Hitchhiker’s Guide,” it kind of threw me through a loop. Rickman can snarl in anger, but he can also moan and quiver under depression and insecurity.

When all the Vogons were felled by a dose of Marvin’s perspective, I had an insight. Anger and depression are often responses to the same stimulus; namely, you’re not getting what you want. Anger riles you up to fight for it, and depression, the dysfunctional twin of sadness, takes away your will to fight. As one of the felled Vogons said, “Sometimes you’ve got to ask yourself, what’s the point?”

Sometimes it’s right to put up a fight. Sometimes it’s right to surrender. Snape didn’t get Lily, and fighting James couldn’t win her, so his anger was misplaced and self-destructive. He should have surrendered instead. He would have felt sad for a while, perhaps a long while, but the functional approach of sadness means mourning the loss, saying goodbye to that dashed hope, accepting it and moving on. Depression is refusal to say goodbye.

From this distance, it’s easy for me to say goodbye to Alan Rickman. I didn’t know him personally, though like everyone else, I’ll miss out on whatever brilliant work he might have done had he lived longer. His fellow actors are saying how nice a person he was, and that does come across in interviews. So I’m grateful to him for his work, and particularly, the insight he led me to with the power of his voice.

Kressel wrote: "Depression is refusal to say goodbye. .."

I never considered this perspective, but then again it could happen due to loss of any kind, grief.

Helen wrote: "Elena wrote: "In a mad world like ours depression sometimes is the only way we can isolate from it. It's not necessarily a bad thing (generally speaking it is, but due to circumstances it can be be..."

And stress and anxiety are created magically. And I didn't say people get depressed on purpose. That's stupid.

Depression, that nasty bastard!

i have a friend with depression and she is in other word. i'm the only friend daa she has. i try to help but she dont believe in her and i dont know what to do. please helpme.

Helen wrote: "I never considered this perspective, but then again it could happen due to loss of any kind, grief."

Sadness is the natural response to those kinds of losses. The trouble is, people fight against sadness, but all they end up doing is prolonging it. That's depression.

But societies throughout History have never had so many depressed people. This is an endemic problem of our society. People in the past had lots of problems, fundamentally bigger than ours, and this didn't happen. Of course it happened to some people, but not like this, not at all. We should ask ourselves what's driving us to this inertia.

Elena wrote: "But societies throughout History have never had so many depressed people. This is an endemic problem of our society. People in the past had lots of problems, fundamentally bigger than ours, and thi..."

This is a fallacy, actually. The reason that instances of depression, anxiety, and other mental health diagnoses have increased significantly in the past couple of decades is because of a decreasing stigma. More people are seeking help. Furthermore, there are always new ways of treating and diagnosing mental health issues, so doctors are identifying this more and more. I've noticed on college campuses in recent years, health centers and administration have become more proactive in identifying and treating depression.

It's like the vaccines and autism debate. Some claim that an increase in autism diagnoses relates to an increase in vaccines, but it is actually the result of an expansion of what constitutes an autism spectrum disorder, and it is becoming more recognizable, diagnosable, and treatable!

Katelyn wrote: "Elena wrote: "But societies throughout History have never had so many depressed people. This is an endemic problem of our society. People in the past had lots of problems, fundamentally bigger than..."

I don't think so. The fact that it's better understood doesn't mean that you're right. It can be better understood without implying that what I've said is a fallacy. I mean, it could be a fallacy, but I don't think it is.

Just a counter-example. Following that logic we could say that the fact that so many people are dying of cancer is because now we understand cancer diseases better than before. I think it's a well-known fact that cancer has been increased in the last decades. Two different things which are not related, at least not in that way. Same can be applied for depression.

I'm not saying that the increase is only because of increased diagnoses, although diagnosis alone increase about 20% each year (although 80% of people in the U.S. with symptoms of depression go untreated and undiagnosed). The numbers are, however, skewed by the fact that we don't have an accurate record of depression throughout history. So it is simply inaccurate to say that throughout history there have never been as many depressed people. We have no way of knowing that. And we certainly cannot compare how it manifested in individuals or how they coped with it to how it manifested and is coped with today.

Kressel wrote: "Since this is Emma's group and we're talking about depression, I want to chime in with something I wrote after Alan Rickman's death:

Call me a lightweight, but my favorite Alan Rickman role will ..."

Kressel,

That is a very interesting insight about Snape as well as the mirror images of anger/depression. I did not know that Rickman appeared in The Hitchhiker's Guide. I will check that out for sure; I always found him an actor who gave richly layered interpretations of his characters.

I always heard that depression is anger turned inward upon oneself.

I always find your writing so insightful, so thanks!

Hey Silvio! When did you join the group?

I actually was going through depression a while back. i.... was a mess. i wouldn`t feel like eating, and i would just have headaches. this actually started when my parents started fighting. and i would go crazy. This was last year, when i was 13 and it was hard. i would cut myself and just......yeah. then i joined goodreads. books, goodreads, and music were keeping me together. still are. my parents got divorce, finally, a month ago. I really don`t socialize in school, so it`s just me and goodreads. it`s helping me cope :))

Lιғe ιѕ ғυcĸed υp wrote: "I actually was going through depression a while back. i.... was a mess. i wouldn`t feel like eating, and i would just have headaches. this actually started when my parents started fighting. and i w..."

Oh, my, Life. I don't know what to say, just...well, you know what? You said music is part of what helps you to cope, so, this is for you, and it comes with a giant virtual hug if you need it. These three songs have been very important for me over the last months and I listen to them on a regular basis.

Stay Alive, by Jose Gonzalez. This one is actually part of the OST of a wonderful film called The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Don't know if this is your preferred music genre, but listen to the lyrics. All of them, but I get particularly teary with this part:

Dawn is coming
Open your eyes
Look into the sun as a new day rise

Sometimes, when I have had some crappy days and am just feeling a bit better, I listen to this one and think about how there's always something to hang onto. :) Something to stay alive, like the song says.

Turn, Turn, Turn, by The Byrds. Someone who became my friend and helped me listen to myself when I was feeling very lost and down shared this song with me and now it's in my iPod forever. :)
Todo va a cambiar (Everything Is Going to Change), by Niños Mutantes (i.e, The Mutant Children, haha) They come from my hometown, Granada (Spain)! Yeah, I know that you most likely do not speak Spanish, and sadly I cannot find any translation into English, but how about I translate my favorite part for you? :) 3:12

The future came without previous notice,
It's not true that everything's looking so bad,
At least you are alive,
(...)
Everything is going to change

I know, I know, music cannot solve crap on its own in most cases. However, I truly hope you enjoy these. Also, if Goodreads helps you as well, well, the community is here. :)

Thank you Ana. i will listen to them and tell you what i think

Hey Ryan,
You're not alone, and you won't ever be. You're also strong and damn brilliant, because you got that completely right. Depression isn't some terrible entity that's sole desire is to swallow you up, but sometimes that happens, and it's an indicator of a bigger problem. I've endured it, and I think I'm a fuller person for it. Depression can help us see that brightness of colors, if only by showing us the bleakness that could exist instead. It's a tool that brings people together if they care to take the time and appreciate how much we can all suffer in life, and how a better day can still await us in the morning. Keep on keeping on Ryan, you sound like you're doing alright.

I just heard about a podcast that might interest some of you folks. It's called "The Mental Illness Happy Hour." It's real people talking about their struggles with mental health, and sometimes, they even joke about it.

http://mentalpod.com/

Kressel wrote: "I just heard about a podcast that might interest some of you folks. It's called "The Mental Illness Happy Hour." It's real people talking about their struggles with mental health, and sometimes, th..."

THEY JOKE ABOUT IT?!?!?! Hahaha, that was my attempt at a joke. But seriously, comedy is one of the best ways for coping in daily life... and while this is not the case for everyone, but my social anxiety has made my public interactions with others ripe for comedy. I am pretty much always laughing at myself.

Definitely will give this a listen! Thanks for sharing!

Katelyn wrote: "my social anxiety has made my public interactions with others ripe for comedy"

If you've got social anxiety, you might like Toastmasters.

I don't usually do this sort of thing, but this group has been good for me, so I owe it some effort back.

On the topic of depression I'm in no position to be telling you anything. My problems are a thing of the future if nothing else. I've met people with real issues, I've met people who deserve real issues and I won't compare myself to them. Personally though, I find that daydreaming is as useful a thing to do as any when one is feeling down or bored. Think of scenarios (write them down if you want, though I never do); try to create an image in front of you that comforts you (a landscape, a room, people, things they may be saying, any kind of place, any combination of the above). For this you'll obviously need some music and the song Don't Worry by Zoë Keating has my most sincere recommendation. You can hear it and other songs of hers here:

http://music.zoekeating.com

I find all of them to have wondrous effects on the mind, especially in quiet places or on walks through the park/woods if there are any in your area (there are different ways to listen to her music or download it and I leave it entirely to you how you do it; despite the link to her online album I won't ask you to do anything you don't want to). Mental occupation is really the key. After all, problems will only occupy your mind as long as it has room for them. Doing the work you love is also a great means to achieve it, so finding a way to enjoy your work more is also a great step, and I understand how difficult that is, especially when you're working for a boss and have no autonomy over your own work, but trying to make do is always the most productive thing you can do.

I know it's very little, but mental occupation hasn't done me any harm yet, so some assistance with it is really all I have to give. Ryan, I wish you nothing but improvement and I'm sorry I have nothing better to offer. You've been very kind for making this thread for others to vent how they feel.

Tim, that's great advice. Daydreaming and calming music are definitely useful tools that have helped me in the past.

Kressel, I actually have no problem public speaking and doing leadership type stuff. I love it, actually. It makes me feel powerful and confident! My anxiety is really just internal nonsense that is typically unrelated to external factors (although it is certainly exacerbated by external factors). I have greater social anxiety in casual situations. When I have control of the situation (as is the case with public speaking and whatnot), I feel fine. Thanks for the recommendation though :)


Depression is also interesting to think about as a feminist issue because of the gender gap in diagnoses and treatment. Part of this relates to the stigma and how it relates to standards of masculinity. But it also has a lot to do with a combination of hormones and cultural sexism. Plus, depression and anxiety are linked to so many other health issues that have similar gender gaps. And with many of them, there is a lack of funding and research, partially because of this gender gap.

I would not re-lable the thread. There are so many mental health issues - this thread would be a mess... maybe we could open a folder for the different issues though?

I was on anti-depressant medication 2007-2009 and am again since 2014. Wish I could live without the medication...

I feel for anyone that suffers with mental illness, my best friend has chronic depression and I feel useless because I cannot cure it. I think all of us lucky ones who do not suffer with it can just be there for our friends and loved ones, According to my friend just talking to me about it helps her - she says she has to arrange things to look forward to, so that everyday there is something to spur her on.

Jo wrote: "I feel for anyone that suffers with mental illness, my best friend has chronic depression and I feel useless because I cannot cure it. I think all of us lucky ones who do not suffer with it can jus..."

Is she a member? I can't speak for everyone or for her but for me, OSS has been a great source of things to look forward to during the day. Perhaps it could be beneficial like that for her as well, or at least something similar to this particular thread. That is, if she is looking for things to look forward to. It's not the same as talking, I know, but it is something she can do when she's at home and in need of communication, right? If not, forgive me for bringing it up.

Ryan wrote: "hey life,
just remember that your worth every single moment and never give up. I know that's hard sometimes but find a passion in your life and chase it and never let it go or let anyone tell you t..."

Thanx ryan. that means alot to me. I guess were all in this together.

Jo, if your friend says to you that talking about it helps her, I think you do perfectly fine.

I have a good advice to add:

A library is a hospital for the mind. Whenever I'm sad or angry or not feeling well I read a book and it helps. The worse the more I read. Therefore I have a lot of books in store in order to help me whenever I'm sad. And The Color Purple is really hard to read, the issues make me angry so much.

Hey thank you so much for sharing this! I also really really struggle with depression. For me it's been a lot of deaths and sickness in my family and myself, and even though things have calmed down some I still feel that paranoia that something terrible will happen any second which feeds my anxiety and ultimately my depression.

I feel your pain, and there are many others who understand you and what you're going through. for me sometimes it's nice knowing other people are out there that feel this way regularly and that I'm not alone and I'm not crazy. You aren't those things either and I'm really honored that you would share your struggles with us, because that's really hard. But if we don't talk about it who will right?

Just because you took a path outside of "societal norms" doesn't mean it was the wrong one or that you shouldn't have. Remind yourself of all the good things that never would've happened if you had gone to college or done something different. Maybe you wouldn't have joined this group! ;) but seriously Even the most terrible things can lead to good changes. I wish I could change my grandmother dying but in the end it made me closer to my mother and much stronger as a person. And those are things I would never want to change.

Sara, I can relate to that a lot. In the last five years, every year someone in my family died unexpectedly. Only one member of my family passed away peacefully. I am now working in an old-people's home and I'm still not used to people dying slowly. It really is a mess sometimes, family life.

And those deaths shaped me much.

Tim wrote: "Is she a member?."

No. I will ask her to check us out, but she has other communities that she belongs too - she is the most amazing artist and she does podcasting, so her time is well used up already on things that she loves :)

I actually came onto this thread because I am currently (trying to) write a book, and both main characters suffer from depression. I know this probably a really horrible thing to ask, but would anyone be happy to share wih me how it feels to be suffering from depression?

I've battled depression for many years. Medication and talk therapy really helped a lot. I'm completely off meds now, and I find that what helps me the most is reading. Reading is escapist. It can take you to places in your mind that you'll probably never travel to in you entire life. The library is my refuge and salvation. The psyche needs something tangible to look forward to, even if it's just a weekly visit to your public library. Find your happy place (or thing) and go there regularly.

Raquel wrote: "I actually came onto this thread because I am currently (trying to) write a book, and both main characters suffer from depression. I know this probably a really horrible thing to ask, but would any..."

In just a few words, I had no idea I was depressed, back when I was 18, only felt something is wrong because my thighs were gone, having lost too much weight so rapidly. I was bullied at home and at school, in different ways. Now, I have dealt with these things even if that meant having huge fights and arguments, and vowed to never fall into myself again. I hate articles on how to tell someone is suffering from it, because you cannot tell. We're all so different! I never knew it's called depression. To me it happened because everything was too much to handle, too much stress for such an innocent mind like mine back then.

Lauri wrote: "I've battled depression for many years. Medication and talk therapy really helped a lot. I'm completely off meds now, and I find that what helps me the most is reading. Reading is escapist. It can ..."

That was working in photoshop for me, retouching and digital painting and graphics. I did help picking me up and I now settles onto daily goals for myself, in order to make myself happy every single day, and it helps soso much. This new year resolution turned into lifestyle and the lifestyle into confidence.