Writer's Aid discussion

Hi, I'm Reuel. I really enjoy writing fantasy novels. Talons of Terrix is one that has been constantly bouncing around in my mind. It's about a 17 year old girl named Lyra Gupta who runs away from home. On the run, she takes a break to rest. When she wakes up she finds herself in a whole new world. While she wishes she could just click her heels three times, her journey home will not be that easy. Lyra will have to discover who she is in order to make her way through this civil war torn country.

I'm trying hard to build her character without it seeming forced or corny, as well as keeping the storyline in depth yet simple. Any comments or advice that people are willing to post along the way would be tremendously helpful for me. There's violence and swearing in it, so please keep that in mind. I hope you enjoy my story (: