Queereaders discussion

Expanding here in the discussion thread on my review left on the book's review page.

When I came across Queer Aging, my interest was immediately piqued. Having arrived at middle age myself, old age and retirement seem attainable and in the not-too-distant future. Not too long ago at my job, I was reflecting on the fact that still, today, there are not many gay men at my workplace. There are none older than I am. I work in San Francisco in an office of about 75. I have thrived as a gay professional here since 2000. Plenty of support staff over the years have been openly gay, both men and women, but as to professional staff, only some of the junior men and women identify as queer.

I recognized even before reading this book, of course, that one of the main reasons for the lack of men older than myself is that the AIDS epidemic hit the baby boomer generation hardest. The men in the generation ahead of me, and many in my own generation (Gen X) died. Many others had their careers interrupted by HIV, taking them out of the workplace for many years until the drug therapies improved in the late ‘90s.

Ramirez-Valles in Queer Aging brings to light that in the baby boomers we have the first generation of openly gay men in large enough numbers to specify social needs and goals for aging that are not always identical to the needs and goals of heterosexual men. Through interviews, the author looks at where similarities intersect and where they diverge. He also brings to light that there are cohorts, groups, even among gay men themselves, where there are differing needs and goals that will define “successful aging.” By interviewing a diverse group of men – including men of differing economic backgrounds, men of color, men with HIV and men without, men who came out early in life and men who came out after marriage to a woman and raising children to adulthood – Queer Aging brings queer identities into the gerontological conversation.

As I pointed out in my overall review, the book raises more questions than answers. Perhaps it's best said that the book does best in raising awareness. I think, however, that the questions are the right ones and that one of the points the author makes is that life for aging queer-identified individuals will be most successful by asking questions at all.

Great review Tim, and it definitely sounds both interesting and useful. My partner & I are both in our mid-40s now; so some of these issues are coming up. It's one of the reasons we bought a house and got married. It's a good thing to prepare for the future, certainly.

Also, I hadn't thought about the demographic impact of AIDS, but it makes sense. If I have time, I'll try to get a copy.

Thanks for setting up the thread!

I skipped this selection because of its cost, my difficulty reading non-fiction these days and reading about the book, I thought it more likely to serve as a means to stimulate more rigorous research. I also wondered if there were more comprehensive resources for Queer gerontology that I could use if I decided to tackle the subject.

At 72 years old, my main queer-related problem is lack of friends. Part of this is living in a rural area, but also most of my long time friends are gone, having either died or moved away. I've handled this a bit by being closer to my family—I have brothers, kids and grandkids—but they live across the US, none nearby. So Chris, who will by 64 in August and I have actually become closer and spend all my off time together. I still work about half time which keeps me sane. Still, in the past I have always had a non-spouse best friend and feel the lack a lot. Other problems like health or worrying about one of us dying are not really Queer-specific.

A great review, Tim. Let me know if you think this book would help me at all, perhaps inform me about things I may not have considered.

Bill wrote: "I skipped this selection because of its cost, my difficulty reading non-fiction these days and reading about the book, I thought it more likely to serve as a means to stimulate more rigorous resear..."

It can be hard to live in an isolated area like that, but I'm glad you have Chris with you Bill!

Bill wrote: "if you think this book would help me at all, perhaps inform me about things I may not have considered."

A sense of isolation was conveyed by most of the interviewees and I think that's something many seniors experience just by how American life is set up. Each person had their own way of dealing with it - some by having moved closer to family (defined in different ways), some by cultivating the friendships they had even if those weren't close, deep friendships, some by acknowledging it's the price they are willing to pay because they prefer to live alone. Many regretted not seeking or trying harder to form a permanent connection when they were younger and most mentioned friends or lovers lost to HIV/AIDS.

There was a lot of desire for more friendships and a place to go (not a bar) to grow those friendships but nothing concrete was mentioned. The author referenced SAGE but more as a general resource. All the men interviewed were in the Chicago area, I believe.

Thanks Tim. All of those have occurred to me of course. There is a university in a City about 40 min away with a GLBT alliance. Sometime ago I attended some meeting, but they were all kids, even the profs who attended. We didn't have a lot in common. I have found some groups on Facebook for older Gays (40+) which I like. It's not the same as a physical person. I've even thought about attending the Unitarian Universalist church as I am a non-theistic, nature based spiritual type. But I have not done.

Bill wrote: "Thanks Tim. All of those have occurred to me of course. There is a university in a City about 40 min away with a GLBT alliance. Sometime ago I attended some meeting, but they were all kids, even th..."

Have you tried meetup.com Bill? Given the isloted area, it might be hard to find the groups you want, but maybe there will be some that meet in a more populous area surrounding you? I know by me there are GLBT specific age-range hiking groups, book clubs, etc. Maybe worth a try?

Thanks Greg. I was not familiar with the site