Art Lovers discussion

Friends!
I just uploaded a recorded version of a rather short poem from my upcomming book of poetry and prose. Both the book and poem are called "The New Eternity", I'd be more than glad to get some opinions on it!
Good Luck!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCV6N...

Thank you, Johnny! I'm sorry I'm just now getting to your message. I have been too busy these last few days, as everyone can see I haven't been active.
I will read your poem and let you know what I think. I hope you get more responses!
Good luck!

I like the rhythm and swing of it. And you read it well. But it's all abstractions. What if you tried to write the same idea using concrete images to pull us into the poem more directly? It might be worth a try.

Ruth wrote: "I like the rhyme and swing of it. And you read it well. But it's all abstractions. What if you tried to write the same idea using concrete images to pull us into the poem more directly? It might be..."

That is great advise, Johnny as Ruth is an excellent, accomplished poet herself. I don't know anything about poetry so I wouldn't be of any help, just think if I like it or not. That's not much help, I know. But since you're rather new, you may want to check out some of Ruth's poetry in the following links:

https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...

And in the thread 'Poetry' itself she has shared many of her poems. https://www.goodreads.com/topic/group...

Just a thought from me to help you out!
Oh! And if you would like to maybe draw some more attention to your first post about your poetry, you can also post it in the thread 'Poetry' (link above) and I will move that folder closer to the top of the group page.

Thank you Ruth and Heather, I'm in Palermo right now working on my book so I'm really thankful for your advise! In the other pieces I do use concrete images, I kind of wanted this one to be different to leave room for the readers to project their thoughts into it, if you know what I mean. ;)
And also thanks for the warm welcome to the community here! :)