The Read Around The World Book Club discussion

Death is a difficult topic to write about and discuss, how do you feel about it?

I found I could connect with this section better, I liked how we got a backstory for some of the people we make and it makes them a lot more human, this section broke my heart, especially when we meet the two sisters and they explain how they are coping and how the are feeling due to the loss of their dad.

Death is a heart-breaking topic and I think it was very well portrait by the author in an emotional, but not soppy way. (if that makes sense...;) ) The first story personally effected me the most. Hearing the point of view of someone suffering from fatal cancer and how they stay strong for their friends and family...it devastated me and I really had to let each story sink in and take a break. But that is an absolute positive for the book. I wouldn't have needed any background story...the outstanders chapters didn't work so much for me. The first person views were so great in my opinion, that they didn't need any extra information.

I really liked the contrast in styles in this second section, especially the first-person narratives. In the first portrait, I could actually hear the voice of Paula. The contrast between that voice and the clinical end paragraph about her death was really powerful. The message of mindful living and the importance of demonstrating the love you have, shone through as well as the undercurrent of how much energy this takes, even for a determined woman. The inability to talk about what is happening to her also struck me, with her stance of saying ‘I’m doing just fine’ because talking makes you vulnerable. By not talking, I had the sense that Paula felt isolated, lonely despite the hustle and bustle.

I especially loved the second portrait. I think that all too often we as a society just see the outside of older generations and don’t take into account the incredible life stories that lie behind old age. So, I loved how the author said that she wanted to give a voice to the history of Senhor João and Senhora Maria. They made me think of my own grandmother, who had so many stories to tell of the past and how much richer I feel for them. It made me think of some of the old people in the old peoples home nearby, who don’t have anyone to tell their stories to.

I really did identify on a personal level, many points continued to remind me of my grandparents; the fear of losing your senses when you have lived such an active life, the fear of losing those important memories, which define you. But also, how they sat and listened at the family gathering, observing all the loud muddled voices of the different generations and taking joy and strength from them.

I didn’t know anything about the colonialization of Angola by the Portuguese and so this gave me an opportunity to. I keep saying this in my reviews, but I was reminded yet again how narrow my awareness is of the world. Again, the impact of colonialization then and now astounds me. Sometimes we humans get things so horribly wrong time and time again.

The end of this portrait was beautiful. Despite the illness and the worry, they look at the moon and the stars with wonder. I needed that image.

The complexity of the relationship of the two sisters with their father in the third portrait was really interesting to read. Elisa and Sara were so honest in their reflection, talking about their emotions and the complicated, fierce love they had for their father. I thought the imagery of Elisa as a character who had not yet found her story’ and Sara permanently in transit was really striking and something I again identified with on a very personal level. There were so many emotions packed really carefully into a short space; being an outsider, not feeling enough, the need to prove your worth, the need to hold onto control when death and grief can’t be controlled…wow!

The description of the father, the man he was before his decline really made me think about what people might say about me one day, what I hope they will see in me and remember. That old chestnut of ‘what is my purpose here on this earth’ crept in and took hold for some time.

I also thought the portrayal of the aftermath beyond the funeral gave an honest insight that is often not explored; how the real feelings of loss often come later in the everyday, how witnessing death can cause much trauma further down the line.

This part really hit me hard. Especially the mother who just keeps going for everyone despite the cancer, the aim to live as profoundly as possible now that life is limited. It's funny in a way, that we need that kind of death sentence to remind us that life is ultimately going to end. With or without cancer or any sickness, life will end, yet we seem to struggle to make the most of it.

Melanie wrote: "Death is a difficult topic to write about and discuss, how do you feel about it?"

Three different portaits and each very tenderly told. The first I associated very much with as I'm a mom and Paula's grasp at normalacy for her family whilst she was going through the end of her life was admiring. She was well aware to be 'in the moment' and still discpline and instill her lasting touch on her loved ones and in the same breath, she couldn't believe this was happening to her but had the braveness for others when inside she was so not ready to go.

The second was interesting and I liked the dialouge - didn't know much about Angola so that was a good insight.

The story about the sisters and the passing of their father was dually heartbreaking. I thought it beautiful how they wanted to feel each was the most important to their father - how they felt their love for their father was higher than the others - almost placing a hold over all others to hold them steadfast when he was gone. When Elisa saw her father sense his own situation and the sadness of it all, that was painful for her and painful to imagine. Would it be better the dying didn't know what was happening to their bodies or not?

Aging parents is hard to grasp for me. I forever see my parents young and spry and they were in my childhood. Only in recent years have I allowed myself to actually see them age infront of me. It's a hard brush with reality that I don't like to accept sometimes.

The mention of sunrises in the first story was a reminder how this world keeps spinning and going about it's daily routines even though a loved one leaves it. The sun keeps rising and setting and life flows onward. When we lose someone, our world stops and then picks up again just as it was. I find that a fascinating thing. The author said how the sunrise was seen as personal - I feel that way sometimes. I see a rainbow and know full well it was seen by numerous people yet it's special to me - I saw it - I captured its beauty - it's a different rainbow than the next one or the one before. Because I saw it. I think that's what perhaps the author was getting at ... when people are dying, they see things with different senses. And they hope we as the living with no death date known, may also see with new eyes so we don't flit life away.

Anja wrote: "Death is a heart-breaking topic and I think it was very well portrait by the author in an emotional, but not soppy way. (if that makes sense...;) ) The first story personally effected me the most. ..."

Death is a heartbreaking subject and I'm never comfortable reading about it. It is something we'll all face and reading about it, makes me too connected with it and I don't want to be.

Tanya wrote: "Melanie wrote: "Death is a difficult topic to write about and discuss, how do you feel about it?"

Three different portaits and each very tenderly told. The first I associated very much with as I'm..."

I really enjoyed reading your review, it is always wonderful when you connect with the thoughts of another reader :)

Melanie wrote: "Death is a difficult topic to write about and discuss, how do you feel about it?"

I now can't remember if it was this section or the one before but when the mother was leaving the cemetery and she didn't want to leave her child - OH this brroke me immensly. I could visualize and feel the entire passage. In addition, it made me think of my paternal grandmother who passed away a few years back now. Her youngest son, 18 months younger than my Dad, was killed at the age of 21 in a one-car accident. It completely broke her apart. This happened the year I was one year old. Apparently, Jeff was driving on a new part of the highway and his car hit a barrier of some kind. He was in a coma for a few days and then died. My grandmother slept at his grave for the longest time - they couldn't get her to leave. I remember stories that my Dad has told me where the cemetery would call him, to come get his mother. Oh this still makes me so very sad. And as a mother, reading that in this book - it seemed perfectly normal to me - the feeling of not wanting to leave your child. I used to think my grandmother was crazy for doing that but how grief rooted in her seems utterly possible. A mother's love ...

My grandmother went on to live until she was 89 and was never the same after that tragedy.