Writers in Residence discussion

On this topic, you guys can tell everyone else what you write! I have some things I have done that I can post later.

I mainly write dark things with some plot twists. It’s mostly science fiction short stories that I write spontaneously, with no planning.

Cool!

I have a story that I am working on right now. I can post the Prologue here right now. If you have suggestions PLEASE let me know, it is super helpful for me:

Preface: Plan

Oran cradled the sleeping newborn in his arms. Protective as a bear over his child. Hara's eyes welled with joyful tears. Beautiful baby girls~her beautiful baby girls. The child stirred. Hara looked up at the twinkling stars winking down at her and noticed the source of the infant's distress.
A blackish purple cloud gathered in the sky, soaking into the shadowed shapes. The unnatural colors began to spin like the eye of a storm. The center twisted into the outline of the full moon. Lines of purple smoke formed an almond shape around it. It was like an eye staring down on them. A dot pierced through the center and arrows grew out of that symbolizing the hands of a clock. Ticking, ticking.
A thundercloud rumbled in the distance. The vibrating sound made Hara look up. She saw the eye staring down a clock in the center. It watched her. She shifted warily. A violet rope towered down on her from the midst of the pupil. Hara's eyes widened. Her hand flew to Oran's, pleading. The rope neared, thinning on its way. It broke into two and rolled into a large ring, falling graciously onto the infant's crowns. Oran gripped Hara's hand, knowing what this meant. The smoke crowns dissipated to dust, falling on the baby's noses and causing them to sneeze. The eye of a clock coiled into itself. It gathered into a small ball and rose into the sky.
"I've seen that sign somewhere before," Hara said. "do you remember it?" she turned to Oran curiously.
Oran nodded slowly. "Above the Ominor throne." he reminded her solemnly.
"But... why would it appear here?" That's when the realization caught up with her. The purple smoke crowns atop her baby's sweet skulls. "But–no!" was all she could come up with. "No." Wet droplets hung on the brink of escape, clinging fragilely to her lids.
Oran stared deep into the wet marine of his wife's eyes. "It is so," he said, solemnly, "why else would it appear now?"
Hara nodded, "I suppose." She sighed, "But what can we do?"
Oran shook his head helplessly, “I don’t know.” he admitted. “But we won’t lose them. I guarantee we will not lose them.” He laid his hand on his wife’s shoulder. Oran waited until their eyes met.
"And if we can't? A prophecy can't be prevented. You know as well as I do."
“Don't say that.” Oran's face was firm, "We won't lose them. We can't change their fate, but we can prolong it.
“But... Please! There has to be some other way to prevent it! We can't rest our hands on fate when fate is what started this in the first place!”
“There might be something that could work…”
“Anything.” She plead him to continue when he didn’t say any more.
Oran hesitated, as if not sure, “If we left Celementum and split up... we might be able to delay the omen,” he explained, “Long enough for them to be experienced enough.”
“I’d never see her!” she protested, caressing the baby girl that Oran held in his arms. “What kind of a world would that cause for them? And they would still have to confront him!”
“It’s up to you, Hara, you must decide. All we can do is protect them for as long as possible. Would you prefer to help them, or stay here, leaving them exposed?” His brows were crinkled in a frown.
"We know this place so well." Hara protested. "It would be a whole other life out there. One we wouldn't know what to do in."
“Make a decision fast, I have the impression we don’t have long before we will be forced to act.”
"Alright… Fine. Let’s do it.”
“We leave immediately. There's no time to waste.” Oran looked around nervously. In the distance, colors sparked. “Go now… take care..." he called, giving her hand a last squeeze.
Hara turned and fled across the forest green fields with the infant. Tears slid down her cheeks. Hara swung her head around one last time for a final and painful glimpse of her husband, but he was already gone. She trailed her tear~filled gaze back down at her baby, “Brielle,” she whispered. Then just like that, Hara ran off into the black gloom.

I think you could try to slow the pacing a bit and take on more of a mysterious tone full of dread and tension. I think that could add a lot more depth to the story.

Thanks! I'll try to do that. That was really helpful! (I love suggestions!)

AHH wait have you posted this(or something similar to it) before?? I got the craziest sense of deja vu reading it, but usually even if I get deja vu it's still a new experience😂 But some of that sounded really familiar, especially the ending......not the part about the eye and the clock though, that bit was new.

Anyway, I really enjoyed reading through that!! I know that since this is still in the works, so grammar and punctuation isn't a priority at this stage, but if you would like, I have a couple suggestions just for tiny itty bitty details like wording and punctuation and whatnot:) Sorry, I feel so nitpicky saying stuff like that, but that's just what I tend to notice when reading😅

Yes, I posted it on the KotLC group. But the eye is new.

No, it's totally, fine! I'm good with any suggestions!

I just wrote my first story ever.
It's a romance, but the topic was dreamscape so it's kinda mixed.

You can read it on here, it's only about 3,000 words.
https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...
The voting is going to be soon!!!

Cool! I like it!

Lana wrote: "I just wrote my first story ever.
It's a romance, but the topic was dreamscape so it's kinda mixed.

You can read it on here, it's only about 3,000 words.
https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/204..."

It’s good and has potential, but I think you need to work on the pacing a bit and develop the characters’ personalities and relationship more.

Sushie wrote: "Yes, I posted it on the KotLC group. But the eye is new.

No, it's totally, fine! I'm good with any suggestions!"

Okay!! Here are a couple lil suggestions:
Maybe change: "Oran cradled the sleeping newborn in his arms. Protective as a bear over his child" to "Oran cradled the sleeping newborn in his arms, full of a fierce desire to protect the precious child at any cost."
Or change "[Oran] reminded her solemnly." to "he recalled with a grim expression" (since you use solemnly the next time he talks too)

like I said, these are just random, SUPER minor adjustments😅

Wow... THANKS! Those kind of suggestions are actually the kind that benefit me the best!

Okay cool!! Lmk if you ever are wondering about anything else(or if you need a part-time editor😉)

I did this thing for my creative writing class:

Random Write: Cold Memories

A cold breeze blew by, making the icy tears quiver on my chin. Shallow breaths entered my lungs escaping my numb lips as a cloudy fog. Bright and dark hues blurred my vision as I sat up on the blankety snow. I watched the figures and shapes in my memories as foggy as my breath. I was forgetting.
Pain sharp as a dagger sliced through my guts. Guilt.
No! I thought fiercely. I’m not the one who should feel guilty. It’s their fault I’m forgetting. If they had…
Another slice of pain stabbed at my throat. Excuses. I had no reason to excuse myself from these ill feelings. I had to remember.
I foraged through my pockets and the layers of snow beneath me. It was no use. There was nothing to be seen. And something caught my eye. The only thing with color in this cage. I held to the photo for dear life, for that was exactly what it was. My life. My memories. My home. My hands shook as I stared at the man smiling up at her. Love.
No. He did not deserve love. He never even loved enough to come.
I struggled to blink my tears back, but my lids were frozen apart. The drops of water escaped, freezing before they reached my cheeks. The fury of being alone built inside of me with each passing second. The cold, the wet, the air, pressing from every side. Trapping me.
Memories were meshing. I found myself hoping I hadn’t ripped the picture as my thoughts jumbled. What had the picture shown again? A face. I felt the answer so close, and it slipped.
Breathing. Treading. I didn’t realize it wasn’t me making the sounds. My pants were soaked from rubbing against the snow. My cheeks, coated in tears. I was breathing hard and unevenly.
A presence. Close. Too close. It wasn’t my time yet. It couldn’t be.
“I must know.” I said, staring in the direction I had sent the torn photo to blow in the wind. That one memory returning for but a moment. “Is he gone?”
The presence shifted behind me, and though I couldn’t see him, I knew he had nodded.
A small wave of calm washed over me and the cold air suddenly grew the tiniest bit warmer. All I knew now was the love I felt for this path ahead of me.
My trials and strife would end. After today, no more loneliness. No more pain. No more cold. And when the presence beckoned me, I willingly followed.

It doesn't really tell much background, but that's on purpose.

It's good, but I would suggest italicizing the part where she thinks "No! I'm not the one who should feel guilty. It's their fault I'm forgetting. If they had...".

Oops! I had italicized things in the doc but forgot to do it when I posted it!

That's okay. Happens to me, too.

This is a prologue to a story that I've been working on. I'm planning for it to be about a revolution in a medieval realm, and it will be told from the POV of the monarch being overthrown. All suggestions are welcome!

Prologue

A loud voice sounded from the otherwise quiet marketplace. The hustle and bustle of the shoppers and salesmen had died down as a large man in regal red robes with a gleaming crown on his head stopped in front of a stall selling glassware, called Adlard’s Glass-Blown Sculptures. A dozen burly guards stood behind him at attention until he gave a signal, and then the guards rushed into the stall, bringing out the owner. A child’s cry sounded from behind the stall, but was quickly quieted, and went unnoticed as the king began his booming speech.
“Citizens of Thana,” the king said. “This man you see before you is a traitor to your kingdom! He has secretly been smuggling out the prisoners in my dungeons, those thieves and murderers that we have so painstakingly put in there for the good of the kingdom.” The king gave them a hard glare. “He has compromised your safety and that of your children.”
A few villagers nodded, or pulled their children close. The rest weren’t fooled by the king’s tirade. They knew exactly what Adlard had been doing, freeing those who had been wrongfully imprisoned by King Diggory, usually when they said something against his evil rule.
Adlard spat at the king’s feet, saying: “You only imprison those who won’t bow down and grovel to the despicable man who unfortunately has their kingdom’s crown.”
The king gave a signal to one of the guards, who then took his sword and pressed it against Adlard’s throat.
“Those are the last treasonous words you shall ever say,” King Diggory whispered to the glassmaker.
“And my life shall be the last you get to take,” Adlard replied quietly. Suddenly, a knife appeared in his hand and flashed toward the king’s heart. It had only pierced his cloak, though, when it hit something hard with a loud crash of metal against metal and stopped, sending a jarring shock through Adlard’s hand.
The watching crowd gasped twice, first because the glassmaker had been ready to kill the king, second because he had failed to do so. Suddenly, the king’s size made sense. He wore concealed armor, therefore protecting him from sneak attacks from the chest and below.
“Well, look at that,” he said casually. “You ruined my new tunic.”
King Diggory repeated the signal to the guard, who brought the sword back, ready to swing.
“Stop!” came a shrill voice from the crowd. “Stop. Please.” A woman came toward the king, her eyes pleading. “Your Majesty, he… Adlard isn’t in his right mind. He doesn’t understand what he’s saying… and I promise that he isn’t the one helping the prisoners. I know where he is every night. Please.”
King Diggory considered her, then looked around. He realized that a good amount of these people stood by Adlard, and by executing him, he may very well lose the fragile grip that he still had.
“Because I am a merciful ruler, I understand that what this woman says is true. He may not have smuggled prisoners out of my dungeon, but he is definitely not in his right mind. He has attempted to end your ruler, and that can only be a sign of needing to be contained.” King Diggory scanned the crowd with a bare hint of a smile. “The commoner Adlard shall not be executed, but he shall be taken to my dungeon, so that he is rendered harmless to you civilians.”
The crowd gasped, much to the king’s satisfaction. They will fear me now, he thought.
“Your Majesty,” the woman begged. “Please don’t take him away.”
The king shrugged. “Take him away,” he told his guards.
Wordlessly, they followed with Adlard grasped between them as the king walked back to his palace. The people in the marketplace watched in horror as he was dragged into the castle. To be brought to the dungeon was almost surely a sign that you would not return to your loved ones without a rescuer.
Back in the market, a small boy who looked remarkably like the glass seller glared at the king, vowing that one day, he would free his father and give King Diggory exactly what he deserved.

I love that!

And the ending!

And the build-up!

I'm currently working on writing a book, but I can't tell you anything about it because it's part of the big plans I have for my future. I've written seven chapters total (chapters 1-6 plus a prologue) and am currently stuck in the middle of chapter seven.

Ariana, that is really good!
I have a few suggestions though.
Try not to repeat things. Like in the beginning when you explain why the people were imprisoned and then Aldlard tells us. Also, try to use a couple more adjectives so we can really feel what it would be like to be there. Other than that, your story is amazing!

Okay so mine is pretty bad but here it goes

Prologue

Claws clashed, Teeth ripped, wings flared throwing blood, tails snapped in the dark night.
Nothing could stop them
The Flare
Monsters made out of nightmares, blood and bone
No one could stop them except for their queen, their ladyship
The person who could control the dead
The Witch of Monsters
The Flare ripped through humanity, killing everything in sight all for one thing
Their Queen

P.S. I know it was short but this is all I got

That’s really good, except no one might work better than nobody. Other than that, I really like it

Abi wrote: "That’s really good, except no one might work better than nobody. Other than that, I really like it"

Ah I see your point! Thanks!

No problem!

Also, it has a really good beat. You did a really nice job 👍🏼

Yeah, I really liked it! Good job, KR!

Sushie said: Yeah, I really liked it! Good job, KR

Aw shucks

Sushie wrote: "Cool!

I have a story that I am working on right now. I can post the Prologue here right now. If you have suggestions PLEASE let me know, it is super helpful for me:

Preface: Plan

Oran cradled th..."

So you know that crappy bit of writing that I posted earlier... it has changed. I will post the new Prelude soon!

cool!

I'm writing mostly creative non-fic these days. I try to be humorous but oh well, I don't really know how well I pull it off. I have a book thing on Wattpad called I Swear I Can Write here's the synopsis:

A quirky collection of some quirky writing.

A dumpster for my writing that no one reads--But, um, I do hope you will.
Mundane events decorated with sophisticated words, mitochondria, unpopular opinions, possibly rants, and rejected manuscripts.

Hopefully funny.
I aim to update this every ... now and then.

'What I've been SEEKING this whole time' - Harry Potter
'Absolutely, er, brilliant' - Harry Kane
'Si' - Christiano Ronaldo
'I am a lion' - Zalatan Ibrahimovic

.... End of Synopsis....
I know creative non-fic isn't the most popular genre out there lol, but what do you guys think anyway?

KingdomReader wrote: "Okay so mine is pretty bad but here it goes

Prologue

Claws clashed, Teeth ripped, wings flared throwing blood, tails snapped in the dark night.
Nothing could stop them
The Flare
Monsters made ou..."

I love the idea and your writing style. It did a great job of setting the scene and feel, as well as intriguing me to know what on earth is actually going on.
I have a few suggestions that you might find helpful, but of course your writing, you're the boss.

The person who could control the dead
The word person looks a bit out of place here. You might like to replace is with one or some other fantasy related word like mage or something.

The Flare ripped through humanity, killing everything in sight all for one thing
Their Queen
It's unclear here, is everything killed, all except the queen?
Or is that everything's killed, all of it just for the queen?
You could use a comma, semi colon or a dash to clarify that. But great work!

Maynerd wrote: "KingdomReader wrote: "Okay so mine is pretty bad but here it goes

Prologue

Claws clashed, Teeth ripped, wings flared throwing blood, tails snapped in the dark night.
Nothing could stop them
The F..."

Okay! I will be sure to do that!

https://www.wattpad.com/story/2055609...

Here's a link to a story I've recently been writing. I've added a prologue and edited the first chapter. Let me know what you think!

KingdomReader wrote: "Maynerd wrote: "KingdomReader wrote: "Okay so mine is pretty bad but here it goes

Prologue

Claws clashed, Teeth ripped, wings flared throwing blood, tails snapped in the dark night.
Nothing could..."

Hey Abi, just read the synopsis and I really liked it! What intrigued me most is that I'm only a few lines into the synopsis but it's already a question of survival for the MC. I've added it to my reading list, I'll read it when I've got spare time in class or something :)

Thanks!

Okay, here is my new and improved Prelude that came from my very critical self! XD

Prelude: Cloak

The woman gazed down dreamily at the small child in her arms, tears welling in her eyes as she brought her baby close to her chest. She leaned back in her chair with a warm smile across her lips.
Everything that she had done felt worth it to see her children before her now.
“Would you like a turn with the other?” A beautifully familiar voice asked, taking the child from her hands and replacing it with another.
“What should we name them?” The woman asked—her smile deepening when her husband sat in the chair next to her and tucked a short strand of brown hair behind her ear.
“It’s up to you, Hara.” he told her as he cradled the other baby gently in his arm.
Hara had been in the middle of brainstorming names when she heard the rumble of thunder behind them, disturbing the peaceful sleep the babies had been in. Her husband carefully stood to take a look out the window.
But Hara waved him back down. “No Oran. I was about to get up anyway.” Hara stood just as carefully and walked to the open window in the back of the room—handing her child to Oran on her way.
As she reached the banging shutters, Hara reached to close them. But before she did, the odd purple tone of the clouds and the artificial smell in the air caught her attention. And Hara risked a glance out of the window, noticing the hazy cloaked figure approaching speedily and calmly.
Hara gasped and backed away from the window. “Oran?” Her hands groped for the comfort of her husband’s shoulder. “Are we expecting someone?” She could hear Oran gently stand—and notably quicker than the last time—and hurry to the window.
The figure had come close enough to make out the eye symbol on the hood of his futuristic purple colored cloak. Hara caught her breath when she recognized the symbol. She vaguely felt Oran’s hands on her shoulders as he guided her to the chair. She vaguely felt the presence of one of her children being laid in her arms. Vaguely heard the sound of the shutters closing out the wind and thunder.
But when she thought she heard him talking to someone else, she snapped out of her daze, asking the question that had been on her lips. “Was that… who I thought it was?”
“Yes.”
It took Hara a moment to realize that the voice was not Oran’s, which sent her head whipping around and clutching the child to her pounding heart.
She found herself staring at two—not one—men in the room. Oran was still sitting in the chair beside her, his attempt at a comforting smile looking everything but that. And the figure from earlier, except this time, aside the house with his deep purple cloak hood up.
His deep voice carried an edge of importance to it as he said, “Your children are not safe in Cellementum any longer. These sort of things do not have a tendency to stay quiet.”
“You’re saying we should go to earth.” It was more of a statement than a question, but Hara waited for the cloaked man’s slight nod anyway before asking, “How?”
The man calmly produced two neatly polished stones from under his cloak, causing Hara to gasp.
“But…” Oran said slowly, “It could take years to find it again, and the chance of it falling into the wrong hands… are you sure it’s not too risky?”
The cloaked man nodded his head solemnly, “It’s a risk I’m willing to take. Your children are far too valuable to this land, and as much as it pains me to ask this of you, Earth is the safest place for them.”
“But the trip!” Hara protested, “That’s almost a week’s travel from here!”
“Is it worth the distance for your children’s sake?”
Yes.
And it wasn’t like a life in Cellementum would be any better. It would most likely be worse. So…
“Okay.”

Sushie wrote: "Okay, here is my new and improved Prelude that came from my very critical self! XD

Prelude: Cloak

The woman gazed down dreamily at the small child in her arms, tears welling in her eyes as she br..."

This is very well written, Sushie! Very engaging. The narration flowed effortlessly.

"… are you sure it’s not too risky".” Should end with a question mark.

"noticing the hazy cloaked figure approaching speedily and calmly." You might want to say '...speedily yet calmly.' This is entirely subjective, do as you like.

Looking forward to see what comes next. (I can't promise to follow on Wattpad though; what with all the premium features, I can only try to read two books at a time!)

Thanks so much for the comments, I didn't even notice that I hadn't put a question mark there XD
Also, where did you think I should add "speedily yet calmly"?
(that's okay! I don't have Wattpad anyway!)
Thanks again!

I'm gonna kill her.

Realistically, would I ever kill anyone? Of course not. But the terror, anger, sadness, darkness rushing through my body and mind made me really want to.

I paced the bathroom stall, tears running down my cheeks in torrents. Vaguely aware of what I was doing, I ran my hands through my hair again, red rimming the edge of my vision. I continued to gasp for breath, almost careless of how loudly I was sobbing. What little rationality I had left reminded me that no one else was in the bathroom at the time, thank goodness. Shaking harder than I ever had before, I paced the stall back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Thousands of thought raced through my head, one screaming louder than the rest: "She's going to hurt him". The thought of my friend, my love, getting hurt sliced a deep cut in my heart. My right hand clutched at the pain in my chest, while my left arm covered my face to muffle my pained cries as I sank trembling to the ground with my back against the wall. There is nothing, nothing, worse than seeing someone you love fall for a girl who will only use him, and hurt him at the end of it all. I'm terrified for him, and yet there's nothing I can do. He hardly even talks to me anymore; who am I to tell him what to do?? I groaned loudly, hating that fact. So many times I've forced myself to sit back and watch him love other people, but this is the worst, because I know who she is now. And he doesn't see through her act. I hated her for using him, for putting on a face in front of everyone.

I clenched my fists and angrily swiped at the stubborn tears that kept falling. I closed my eyes; deep breath in, then out. In. Out. Again. Again. Again. I opened my eyes once more, grateful that the tears had stopped at last. I slowly unlocked the door, and walked over to the sinks. I felt as though I was in a trance; it didn't seem right to be so still after such a wretched rage. I suppose there is such thing as calm after a storm. But looking up at the girl who was now in the mirror in front of me. Tears stained her face and her hair was messy after having it being pulled at in agony. Black makeup smudged all around her eyes.

But her eyes. No longer were those eyes twinkling like broken glass. No longer were they shining with tears. These eyes were narrowed with determination. They still looked broken, but that didn't matter in the face of the boldness that filled them now too. I drew myself up, straightening my back. This time, I will not sit back and watch. I will not stay silent. I am done hiding, and for once I will fight for what I love so dearly.




(view spoiler)[fun fact: .........this is me HHAHHAH (hide spoiler)]

I love it! I loved the hook, it really dragged me in, I love how you described her emotions, and the moment was intense.
One tip: (don't have to, obviously subjective) What if you replaced "In. Out. Another. Another. Another." with "Again. Again. Again." It rolls off the tongue a little easier and keeps it short!

Sushie wrote: "Okay, here is my new and improved Prelude that came from my very critical self! XD

Prelude: Cloak

The woman gazed down dreamily at the small child in her arms, tears welling in her eyes as she br..."

AHHH I loved the revisions you did to this!!!👏🏼👏🏼

Thanks, anytime

I'm gonna get off now

Bye!

Sushie wrote: "I love it! I loved the hook, it really dragged me in, I love how you described her emotions, and the moment was intense.
One tip: (don't have to, obviously subjective) What if you replaced "In. Out..."

Thank you!! And oh those are good suggestions, thank you! and okay, bye!

For some reason I can only write a teen protagonist...
XD