#SpamHappens discussion

I'll post randomly on here

"Say Something"

We were best friends
I treated you right
Like a good friend
Everything was alright
Until I made a mistake
I fell for you
Then she came back
& turned our lives all around
& upside down
Did you think I would be okay?
That I wouldn't be scarred?
Well I became wounded with a bleeding heart
& you just left me in the dust to rust
I thought you were my friend
But you took your scared little "manly self"
& walked away
Now we barely speak
& whenever I see you
You're with THAT.
& you smile at her the way you used to smile at me
NO
Not in the same way you smiled at me
Because when you smile at her you actually have love in your eyes this time
I wonder why
I still lie awake at night
Wondering what could have been
But I realize now I'm wasting my time
& my life
Say Something
I'm Giving Up On You
Good-bye

Hey y'all...so this is an excerpt from the novel I'm writing called "Kingdom Come".This is in the perspective of one of the main characters. Please read & critique. Thanks :)

"What is this?
What is this life I'm living?
I can't speak beyond what my own brain lets me say.
I try to be normal, but it's useless.
I was born with this.
I hate those doctors.
Those doctors who cursed me with THIS.
& I'm not talking about my life.
I'm talking about my disability.
I am what an average person calls "cute". I am some-what chunky. I have light-brown hair & blue eyes. I have ugly specks of sunlight marks on my whole body. I am tall for my age. I am smart, in my opinion. I can act.
But I desire to be normal.
Not even to BE normal.
To at least be viewed as normal.
But I'm not.
I have no freaking clue why I'm like this.
I blame the doctors, but only partly. I don't really know who cursed me with this.
I desire to have a best friend. I have FRIENDS, yes, but I need a BEST FRIEND. Someone who I can dissect everything to & hang out with who's not in my family.
But I don't.
My brain is smarter than my mouth is, & my heart thinks wiser than my eyes will ever give away.
I barely ever rant depressedly like this.
I assure you, I'm very cheery & happy, actually.
I just need to get the darkest thoughts out once in a while.
Just to let you know, I am 14.
My name is Charice McCallister.
But I'm usually called Cherry, & I love that.
I have down-syndrome.
Please don't judge me."

hmm. love where your going with this but i shall critique a few things, Lori.
1. a little cheesy… add new words (pick up a thesauraus)
2. use imagery (ex. teal, round eyes)
3. do research: those with down syndrome have facial defects but also have speech defects & delayed mental, physical & social development.. i woul pick an older age

but i love where your going with this!

Thanks Suzy!

No problem Lori :)… glad i remembered past biology

LOL. Hey how old are youu? ( You don't have to answer if you don't want to)

lmaao im 16… how old are you? (you dont have to answer) (;;

13.

great writing for a 13 year old.. cant wait to see what you can do when your older :O & of course theres another 13 year old with a boyfriend! LOL kidding :)

I don't mind the age-thing. Yeah, me & him became best friends over the summer & then it on my b-day it kinda just happened :) Best. Birthday. Ever.

awwwwwh(: just remember your still young & not to expect too much :)

I know. I made a commitment to God that I wouldn't kiss a man until my wedding day. & I'm not expecting too much. School overlaps everything anyway ;)

WHOA!! wedding day!? kay, thats bullcrap.. man i should have done tht!

LOL! It's OK. It's never too late for you to save till marriage.

um it kinda is…

"Smile"

Chorus:
Smile
I wanna see you smile again
Smile
Let your faith show again
Smile
As you cry into the night
I'll pray you smile come the morning light
Smile

Verse:
It's been a long year for you
The world has been a burden
I know that you're hurting
All these lies planted into your mind
Make you frown & get worry lines
Your sky is dark now
It's crowded with storm clouds
But there's always hope
You can take the rope that will help you on your journey
And...
(Repeat Chorus)

Verse:
You got that heart that helps millions
Make them feel like gold
Don't believe all that you're told
It could bring you down
Make your faith drown
You gotta heart of gold
And a smile that radiants the sun's glow
You and I haven't seen it in a while
So please....
(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge:
C'mon
Look up
God makes you feel loved
C'mon
Look up
God makes you feel loved
C'mon
Look up
God makes you loved
Oh, He loves you
Yeah, He loves you
And that's a reason to
That's a reason to....
(Repeat Chorus 2 times)

End:
God smiles when you smile

Suzy wrote: "hmm. love where your going with this but i shall critique a few things, Lori.
1. a little cheesy… add new words (pick up a thesauraus)
2. use imagery (ex. teal, round eyes)
3. do research: those wi..."

I changed Cherry's age to 14.