Aspiring Writers Group...a creative writing group discussion

12 views
Stories > Untitled Story by Brett Johnson

Comments Showing 1-3 of 3 (3 new)    post a comment »
dateUp arrow    newest »

message 1: by Brett (last edited Apr 06, 2020 02:13PM) (new)

Brett Johnson | 14 comments This is just something that just came to me spur of the moment. I tend to try and write things down as soon as I think of them, depending on how interesting of a concept it is. I have no idea where the story will lead, but I think it has promise.

(Inside a mental institution)

After an uneventful morning meeting with Clara's therapist, the next event on the agenda was active art class. Inside a room with white walls having anything from scribbles to paintings on them, music was playing in the background, jazz music to be exact. Active art class was supposed to help the healing process, but for Clara it was more of a distraction. She began to tap her marker over and over again, trying to concentrate on what to draw. Clara watched as the rest of her peers were having the time of their lives, she didn't understand why, do they not understand they might as well be prisoners? They are stuck here and the worst part is, none of them know why. Clara herself has very hazy memories, they come in and out, almost as if they are trying to escape and make themselves known to her. Her inner thoughts were interrupted by a larger gentleman with an interesting odor who sat down across from her.

"Excuse me..." the larger man said, Clara stared at him for a moment. It was almost like she had scene him before. "Excuse you for what?" Clara asked, the patients dancing, having a good time and here Clara was truly beginning to think she knew this person.

"I farted..." the larger man said, Clara rolled her eyes and noticed that there was a drawing on her paper. It was incredibly detailed, "You...you really don't remember do you?" Clara raised her head back up and brought her attention to this larger man.

"I'm sorry, I don't believe I caught your name." Clara asked, the larger man shook his head. "You know it...say my name...say it!" the larger man said, Clara stared at him bewildered. The larger man jumped up from his chair, "YOU KNOW MY NAME! SAY IT!!" The larger man shouted in anger, Clara watched in disbelief. Not understanding what had got into him, several guards came charging in and contained the larger man. The music stopped and people started clapping, thinking it was part of the class. Maybe it was?

Clara watched as the man screamed, being taken away. Then a memory had made it to the surface. "...Chubs..." Clara announced quietly. His name is Chubs.


message 2: by Brett (new)

Brett Johnson | 14 comments ~Ashley~ wrote: "Very interesting! I noticed you switch back and forth between past and present tense, so you might want to fix that :)"

Totally an ongoing issue with me, to tell you the truth, I learned how to write just by reading. I was never really taught correctly. So I probably don't know the rules to past and present tense. What exactly am I doing wrong?


message 3: by Brett (new)

Brett Johnson | 14 comments ~Ashley~ wrote: "It's just that you're mixing verbs of different tenses. For example (first paragraph), you start in past tense with the next event on the agenda was active art class. You switch to present tense in..."

Okay. I see what you're saying now. Thanks for the feedback :)


back to top

1078257

Aspiring Writers Group...a creative writing group

unread topics | mark unread