Biggest Hogwarts Group discussion

Anyone have any Harry Potter jokes?

What do you call jewelery that many people and I share?
<>

Knock knock?

Who's there?

You Know.

You-Know-Who?

That's right!Avada Kedavra! Ha!

Hermione went to Madam Pomfrey with uncontrollable hiccups to see if she could do something to stop them. Madam Pomfrey examined her all over and then pronounced gravely, 'I got news for you, Miss Granger. You''re pregnant.' At that news Hermione fainted on the spot, and when she finally came round a few minutes later she asked 'Oh, dear - am i really pregnant?' - 'Of course not!' she said 'But it has cured your hiccups, hasn't it?

How many Animagi does it take to light up a wand?
-Two dozen, because only one of them is actually registered.

I think this is so funny

"WHY ARE YOU WORRYING ABOUT
YOU-KNOW-WHO?
YOU SHOULD BE WORRYING ABOUT
U-NO-POO-
THE CONSTIPATION SENSATION
THAT'S GRIPPING THE NATION!"

from harry potter and the half-blood prince

lol

:)

can we make a topic about regular jokes or can I post them here, because I have some really good/ corny ones but there not about Harry Potter.

O.o♥Pudding♥o.O wrote: "Knock knock?

Who's there?

You Know.

You-Know-Who?

That's right!Avada Kedavra! Ha!"

Lol! Awesome!!

☺Moaning Myrtle☺ wrote: "Anyone have any Harry Potter jokes?

What do you call jewelery that many people and I share?
>"

Haha, awesome!

How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?

What do you call a teacher with a bad attitude?

idk!

O.o♥Pudding♥o.O wrote: "Hermione went to Madam Pomfrey with uncontrollable hiccups to see if she could do something to stop them. Madam Pomfrey examined her all over and then pronounced gravely, 'I got news for you, Miss ..."

THAT IS HILARIOUS!!!!!! lol!

How do you keep a Gryffendor in suspense? *walk away*

lol

i don't find it that funny!

How many weasley's does it take to light up a wand?
Seven: Ginny to look upset and do nothing, Ron to sulk, Fred and George to blow it up, Percy to yell, Charlie to hold it in front of a dragon and Bill to roll his eyes at everyone.

How many Dark Lords does it take to light up a wand?
Two: One to light it and the other to kill him and take the credit.

How many Voldemorts does it take to light up a wand?
None, now you see thats why he's called the DARK lord.

no being mean to the weasleys! I love Fred and George, they are awesome!

yeah but you gotta say that they blow a lot up. lol.

No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology".

The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.

Adding the name "Bueller" to Professor Binns' roster is not funny.(Feris Bueller's day off)

"Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play.

It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin that "Once you go Black, you never go back."

I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as "Kitchen Stadium".

I will not tell Ron and Hermione to "Get a room" whenever they start to fight.

The Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason.

I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.

I do not weigh the same as a duck.(Monty Python)

Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

3Sirius Black is not #24601.(les miserables)

I will not lick Trevor.

I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.

I am not being repressed.

I will not change the password to the prefects' bath to "Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty".

I am not a Pinball Wizard.

Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.

It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.

Sir Cadogan is not one of the knights who say "NI".(Monty Python)

I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What's new, pussycat?"

There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.

I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

When I get sent to the headmasters office, I will Not sing 'We're off to see the wizard!'

they are cool because they blow stuff up! But they shouldn't be used like that in a joke!

...

i didn't make these jokes up

you didn't? were did you get them? I really love all the jokes you have.

Music Lover ♥ Daughter of Aphrodite ♥ HP Rox wrote: "idk! "

Moody!

i just looked them up on the internet

Cool cool!

you can fined anything on the internet.

pretty much yeah

How many dragons does it take to light up a wand?
*whoosh of flames*
~~~Never mind.

heres a another version of pudding's wesley joke...

How many Weasleys does it take to light up a wand?
~~~One, but they'll have to search through a pile of the twins' fake ones first.

How many Muggle kids does it take to light up a wand?
~~~Two, one to light it (with a match), and the other to be blamed for burning down the school.

knock knock.
who's there?
wingardium levio.
wingardium levio-who?
It's wingardium leviosAAAAAAAAR!

Why did Potter cross the road?
No reason, but someone will write a book about it.

Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road?

Cause Draco did.

Oh here is a good one!
Why do Slytherins cross the road twice?

Because they are doublecrossers.

hahaha, i liked the last one a lot!

Thanks!!!

I have more

cool

How many Potters does it take to change a lightbulb?

One: he holds it and the world revolves around him

haha, tht was a good one

Yeah!!

How many stuck-up arrogant teachers *coughLockhartcough* does it take to light a wand?
<>

lol

How many Ravenclaws does it take to light up a wand?

Twenty-two Ravnclaws: five running around the library

to find the quickest, most effective manner. Seven to

practice the spell to make sure that it�s safe and

it works. Three to inform the professors of what

they're doing so they can get the credit. Four to

contemplate over whose wand has the best core

material for performing this spell. One to stand by

with a fire extinguisher just in case. One to

actually light the wand and one more to point out how

I spelled "Ravenclaw" wrong...those clever Ravenclaws!>>

haha, that one is even better

OH heres a good one

How many ghosts does it take to light a wand?

Answer, as given by Moaning Myrtle: That's so insensitive! How can you ask me that when you know perfectly well I can't hold a wand because I'm...I'm... *bursts into hysterical sobs and flushes herself to go spy on the Prefects*>>