Adventures In Bookland discussion

Share your poetry here!

I wish I had someone,
Someone I could hold on to,
Someone who would help me,
Comfort me,
In the most dire situations,
Of Life...

But I don't
And maybe it's just because
I don't deserve it.
Maybe people are like this
to me
because I'm not worth it.
Maybe it's because
I'm chaos
And
Who would want someone
who would cause them
chaos?

But still,
With all of this in mind,
I wish,
I had someone,
I could hold on to,
Someone,
who would laugh at my jokes.
Someone,
Who would pat me on the back.
Someone,
Who would run away with me
If that was what I needed.
Someone,
Who's been through hell,
And would guide me through the tunnels of darkness,
And help me back into the light.

I try, try, and try again.
I try to be the nicest person possible.
I try to be patient with others.
I try to comfort them.
I try to not think of me
while I'm helping them.

But sometimes,
on somedays,
Grief overcomes me.
Pain overcomes me.
Anxiety overcomes me.
Regret of things,
I'd never done wrong,
Overcomes me.
All at once.
Like a tidal wave.
It whooshes me from the ground.
And polls me into the water.
I gurgle.
I gulp
I scream
But still,
I make no sound
Still,
no one answers me.
Still,
no one comes to save me.
Still,
I am alone.
I am broken
I am hurt.
I am nothing
to the world
around me.

And even
after I recover
hours later,
I find myself thinking,
I wish I had someone,
Someone I could hold on to,
Someone who would help me,
though the toughest times.
Someone who was there,
whenever I call the word,
"Help!"
But still,
No one comes.
And maybe no one will ever come.
But I will still hope.
I will still dream.
I will still wonder.
I will still wish.
Because that's all there is for me.
And I have to hang on tight,
to what little,
I have.

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FOR KASEY: like on the day of her bday obvi

Is this a dream?
Is this actually true?
Because this feels like I'm in heaven,
It feels like I'm floating,
up in the air.
Am I dead?
Because if this is the Underworld,
they got it all wrong.
This isn't hell,
It's paradise.
Because I feel happy,
and that's a first,
In a long time.

I answer my own question,
no this is not a dream,
no,
this is reality.
And I have you to thank for.
And remember the poem I wrote,
just yesterday?
Well, maybe
that wasn't so truthful.
Maybe I don't need someone else,
because I have you,
and that's all,
I could ever,
wish for.

Thank you,
for helping me through anxiety,
Thank you,
for guiding me to the light
in the tunnel of darkness.
Thank you,
for making this life a life worth living for.
Thank you,
for always being there for me.
Every time.
Anytime.
Thank you,
for putting a smile on my face.
Thank you,
for taking the time to message me
every single day.
Thank you,
for trying to help me fix my mistakes.
You have given me confidence,
something I never had before,
and now I will use it,
to fix those mistakes,
I made in the past,
to correct those errors,
the old-me made.

I want to wish you,
a happy day,
because you are the best friend anyone could ever wish for!
I want to wish you,
a happy day,
because you deserve it!
And most of all,
I want to wish you,
a happy day,
because today's your birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

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Look, what was the point
of leaving me behind?
What was the point
of not caring for me?
What was the point,
for ignoring me
and pretending nothing
was wrong?
You left me in the tunnels
of darkness
while you
sped away
with my friends
into the light.
Were you trying
to kill me slowly?
Inwardly to out?

Because if this is
why
you did those horrible things,
let me tell you...

Maybe it's working,
maybe you are killing me,
right this moment,
and maybe you will kill me,
eventually.
I don't know what you thought,
when you casted me out,
and took my place
but I can tell you what I'm thinking,
right now...

You betrayed me.
I thought of you as a friend,
but maybe you were never mine.
Maybe you decided to get to know me,
and then use me,
take my other friends away.
I cared for you,
always listened to your rants
and your reason behind problems,
but did you ever do that same
for me?
Let me tell you,
all you did
was leave me
to fend for myself
while you surrounded yourself
with a group of people
who actually cared for me
before you came along.

You betrayed me.
After you got all my friends
liking you
and having fun
with you,
you took me
and threw it to the wind
and watched me crumble
as I fell back
onto the ground
without even
a flinch.
Ever since,
you left me
and took the reason
for me to
live
my life,
you haven't even
messaged me,
not once.
You've never talked to me
alone,
it was all
just for show.

And now,
as I finally
put the pieces
of the puzzle together,
I know what I'm going to do.

I will use
whatever energy
I have
to try to get out
of this dark tunnel.
I will use
whatever I can find
to help me
survive hell.
If I am still living,
by the time I get out,
don't worry...
we don't have to talk again...
I'll don't want revenge on you.
We are over.
This is over.
And maybe,
just maybe,
I let you have success,
and victory,
this once,
you can take all my friends,
but there won't be a
next time.
Because I am never,
ever,
going to
become your
next victim.
Become your
next prey.
So,
Fuck you,/s>


AHHH IDK IF WE CAN CUSS SO...

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Look, I get why
you hate me.
I get why
you are disgusted with me.
I get why,
you try to hurt my feelings
and
reopen wounds that had just been sealed.
I get why
you unfriended me.
I get why,
you closed all contact with me.
I get why,
you left all groups I was in
to make sure
I never bothered you again.

I would ask for forgiveness,
but we both know,
that is not possible.
So I won't waste my breath asking.
Our friendship is over.
Done.
Dead and Gone.
however you wish to say it,
it doesn't exist anymore.

I'm sorry.
I had to face the truth
because I knew
it would get harder
as more time passed
and it would be more tempting
to hope for something
that could never happen

I dont know
if you will read this
but i know
you will know
who you are
if you see this

either way
it doesnt matter
i have to let my feelings out
somewhere
or I will
become a moster
a disaster
so here i go...

imm sorry
for everything
every single thing
i did wrong
i can list them all
but i wont
because we both are
tired of the word "sorry"
and we both know
whatever i say wont be enough
to turn the tide around
i want to wish you
all the good things
and none of the bad
because you deserve
the world

live life
be strong
dream big
achieve all
have fun
be you
take care
stay safe
think smart

know that im always here
if you ever decide
to want me back
and give me another chance
but lets make this real
i have to do it
because if i dont
ill always will be
trapped in the middle of it all
well allways be
in the most awkward situations
after this is over
ill be polite
like i would be
to a stranger
because im leaving
our history
behind
now let me settle this...

goodbye
farewell
my friend

and hello
how are you
stranger...

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I always feel
that I stand out
from everyone else.
I always feel
that the world
turned against me
the minute I was born
Because
it always seems like
I always do wrong
and never right.
It always seems like
I'm the villian
that destroys people's lives.
I'm always asking myself,
"Do you deserve
what people call you?"
And the answer I get
when I think of this
is "no."
No, of course not,
whatever they say
it's just to hurt me.
But then I wonder
if I am bias
and if I am fooling myself.

My mind's a whirlwind,
of questions that haunt me like those,
I can't seem to get my brain,
to stop those
horrible
distructive
thoughts.

I've tried everything
I tried to think happy
and positive.
I tried to distract myself,
but naming aloud
the things I see.
I tried to
pinch myself,
hurt myself,
and draw blood,
hoping the pain
would overpower those thoughts.
It all doesn't work
and I'm still in the exact same place
I was in,
just with bruises and bangs
from the long journey, I just took
that led me nowhere
but circles.

I always feel that I stand out
from everyone else.
And not in a good way.
It seems like
the older I get
the harder it is
to make friends
and keep friends.
For example
the first year of middle school
all of my classmates
moved separate ways,
made new friends,
ditched old friends,
it was a time of change
and then there was me,
that lonely kid
with friends
that weren't really friends,
friends that never cared for me,
never passed the ball to me,
or gave me a chance
so I could share my story.

And that sucked,
changed me,
hurt me.
But it also,
strengthened me,
taught me.

Now,
I still feel different,
out of the world,
alien,
but it's getting better
and with time,
maybe I'll fully recover,
with just some scars
to remind me
to be myself
and that being different
is okay.
Until then,
let me hope
of a day when being different is good.
Let me dream
that people won't make fun of me anymore.
Let me wonder
if that dream could be reality.
Let me wish
for a better life
one that I
truly deserve.

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Are we still friends?
Can you help me answer that?
Because I truly don't know
not anymore.

We used to talk with each other
every single day
for hours upon hours without end.
But in just a few days,
that slowly faded,
into a, "How are you?"
every day.
And two days after that,
even that little bit we had left
faded
into nothingness.

We used to comfort each other,
made sure the other was okay.
That faded as well.
Sometimes,
I thought of you as a stranger
and lied about how I felt.
I said that I was fine
and that everything was alright.
But what I meant was
that I felt unbearable pain
and wanted the world
to end.

We used to have fun together,
and laugh until our cheeks were red
with happiness and love.
Until that faded,
when you said you needed "space."
Afterwards,
after you accepted me again
and I thought all was fine,
you betrayed me
and accused me
for stuff I never said.
Stuff I'd never done.

And that hurt.
That hurt like hell.
How you just guessed
that I was the villain
and didn't think
before you spoke.
before you accused.

I felt like
I just got thrown out
with the garbage
by my own family.
I cry.
But it's useless and faint.
I pound.
But I'm too weak to be heard.
I scream.
But my voice is broken,
and won't make a sound.
Then, the cycle starts over
and I start crying
Again.

Somehow,
I escaped the truck
and
as I sit under a tree,
I think...
Life is miserable
without you.
Like a girl
without a family.
Like a flower
that doesn't bloom.
Like leaves
under someone's boots.
I would trade my life
if anyone offers anything,
at this moment.
I promise you,
I will
without a flinch.

Okay,
maybe not yet,
but I'm that close,
to leaving this world,
and giving up.

Let me ask you these last words
this last time...

Do you care for me enough
to save
our friendship?
To save us?
Are we
still
friends?

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I got your letter.
You got the virus
Supposedly
You loved me this whole time
Supposedly
You wish me good luck
with life
and to stay safe
Supposedly.
But I don't know
if this is actually from you,
or if it's just a
mean joke.
I got a letter
in the mail.
It was typed
your name was written
on the bottom
with no address
on the top.
I want this to be written
from you
but then,
I don't.
Because no matter
how much time has passed,
I love you.
I care for you.
I don't want you hurt.
I don't want you to get sick.
I hope it is true
that you still care
for me.
But then I don't.
Because you can't be weak.
You were always strong.
And there for me.
That is
until you left.
But I'm trying to think
of our life
before
and how you were the friend
I always dreamed of
before you came along.
That is
before you left me
heartbroken
and lost
and dead inside.
But these three years,
I've been slowly
rebuilding myself.
That way
you are always here in my heart
but don't affect me
so much
that my life
revolves around a "you" that's not there.
Until you sent that letter
that was from you
Supposedly.
I'm tired,
I've been thinking about
what you wrote
and memorizing it
deep in my brain
the whole trip home.
But maybe it's a waste of time
because you
supposedly wrote it.
Maybe you are actually
hanging out with other friends
right this moment
while I'm thinking about you.
About us.
Maybe I stupid
and dumb
and shouldn't be hoping,
not after so long.
It's been three years.
Three whole years.
Since you left me.
Not one call.
Not one text.
Not one email.
Not one letter.
That is
until now.
Supposedly.
Am I just
wasting life
wondering about
stupid things?
Am I killing myself
slowly
inwardly
thinking about you?
I don't know.
My mind's out of this world.
It's in a nightmare
that just won't end.
Shit.
I need help.
Someone.
Please.
Now.

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I'm trapped in a box,
not able to move,
not able to see,
not able to yell.
I'm trapped in a box,
and I can't seem to breathe.
I try not to panic,
but it doesn't work.
The box is fuzzy,
and I'm dizzy
and it's pitch black.
Black as night.
Black as charcoal.
Black as a crow.
However, you wish you say it
you get the idea.

The nightmare moves on
to a different image.
There you are,
your back to me,
crying,
sobbing.
I try to run
but my legs are lead.
I try to scream
but my mouth doesn't open.
I try to move my arm
but my body doesn't work.
Is it paralyzed?

The scene fades
and I wake up.
I'm shaking,
I'm sweating,
I scream,
I gulp,
I grab my pillow
and hug it with all my might.
God, I miss you,
Oh, God,
I do...

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(Yesterday's poem)

Who are you,
Mother?
You always have two sides.
There’s that side,
The good side,
I love you for.
You care for me.
And wish me good night.
You come check on me
Every morning.
You comfort me
And try to spend time with me.
Even when you have
Another daughter to take care of.

But then,
There’s that bad side,
That I hate about you.
You say you will treat me
As nothing but a pig.
You say that I’m a loser
And you’ll gonna put all your hope,
On my sister,
Who is ironically,
Named Hope.
I don’t know
If this is the truth
Or if it was just to hurt me.
Mother,
How could you?
Mother,
Why would you?
Mother,
You know me best,
So why are you like that
To your own
daughter?

I always seem to forgive,
Because how can I not?
But did you know
That everytime you say those
Unkind, horrible, inhumane words
You take a piece of my heart
And throw it to the wind?
I tried to fight back
And yell at you,
To talk some sense into you,
But it only makes it worse.
You let Dad know
Who comes home
And yells at me some more.
Mother,
What is wrong with you?
Mother,
Do you think before you speak?
Mother,
Do you care
That I’m suffering depression
Or do you think
That’s just a joke,
That I’m just a joke?
I don’t understand you,
No matter how hard I try
To be in your shoes
And experience the world.
I don’t read minds,
But I wish I could
Just this once,
Because I just don’t know
Who you are
Anymore.
Not after
Everything you said
That made my days
More suicidal,
More depressive,
Filling me with more darkness
That will destroy me soon
If it keeps it up.
Who are you,
Mother?

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Now I need to finish today's daily poem LOL

  I feel the wind
pulling me back.
I feel the rush
against my cheeks.
I feel the blood
caught in my throat.
I feel the stares
I can't shake off.
I feel the ache
in my legs.
But I do not stop,
because stopping is
giving up,
and I will not
give up.

I feel my brain
wanting to shut off.
I feel my body
slowing down.
I feel my energy
draining out.
But I keep on moving.

I feel a cough
ripple up my throat.
I feel a whoosh
of icy air.
I feel my body
getting sore.
But I do not pause,
I'm almost there.

I feel my legs
collapse on the grass.
I feel my arms
droop down to the ground.
I feel my heart
pumping loud and clear.
But I made it,
and it's the best feeling
in the world.
I made it
and if I can do it one time
I can do it
Again.

WOW CLOUDY THIS IS REALLY GOOD

꧁☁ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅʏ☁꧂ wrote: "I wish I had someone,
Someone I could hold on to,
Someone who would help me,
Comfort me,
In the most dire situations,
Of Life...

But I don't
And maybe it's just because
I don't deserve it.
Maybe p..."

Oh my goodness, you should totally publish some of these, I'd be like your number one fan!!! :)

Well, me too (obviously)

BOOKS ARE LIFE wrote: "꧁☁ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅʏ☁꧂ wrote: "I wish I had someone,
Someone I could hold on to,
Someone who would help me,
Comfort me,
In the most dire situations,
Of Life...

But I don't
And maybe it's just because
I don't ..."

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it but it's kinda depressing, espiecally the one I'm gonna post...LOL

༺ Lady Night ༻ wrote: "Well, me too (obviously)"

OBVIOUSLY, but thanks gurl! Okay back to business!

  Suicidal Thoughts
  

  

  I try to get through
everyday.
I try to find something
that's worth my stay.
I try not to think
of suicide.
I try to put the depression
at the bay.

But it's 
so
so
hard.
The past few days,
I feel my world
falling apart.
An abyss opening between me
and all those people
I care for.
The people that keep me
alive.
It's getting wider
and I can't seem to stop it.
And that sucks
so
so 
bad.

I want my life
to end right now.
Shove a knife,
kill myself.
I know I can't
not right now,
but the temptation
is still there.
Threatening me.
Begging me.
Persuading me.

I tell myself,
"shove those thoughts,
stop that shit,
don't die now,
not worth it."

But sometimes,
like today,
I can't seem to 
make myself believe 
these words
even as I say them
over and over again
in my head.
Like I said,
I know I can't,
I shouldn't,
but maybe 
I should face it,
get over it.
Maybe,
the right time
is now...

Here is my two poems I wrote earlier today!

Stars and the Moon

It’s only been
A few months
Since you moved away
But it feels like it’s been
Years
Decades
Centuries
Eons
Since I’ve last seen you,
The boy who gave me
The stars and the moon.

I peer out my window
And look at the night sky.
Then,
I find the brightest
Most beautiful star,
And make a wish.
And that wish would always be
Just your name,
“George.”

Excuse

I want you to love me
For me
All of me
I want to be able
To trust you
Tell you the truth
I want to be able
To show my real self
Even the parts I hate.

I want to be comforted
And soothed
I want to tell you
About my depression
And anxiety
I want to laugh
Actually laugh
And not cry inside
But I don’t want to risk it
To risk
So I tell myself
“Later”
But even I know
That’s just a excuse ,
A lame,
Stupid,
Excuse.

I'll gave you all the chances,
and then you threw them away
so fast.
I gave you all the chances,
and then you came begging me
for more.
I gave you all the chances.
and you forgot me
in a flash.
I gave you all the chances,
and you didn't seem to care
because you thought I would give you chances
like a child getting candy
on a holiday.
On Halloween.

I'm sick of this.
I'm annoyed.
I'm hurt.
I'm unloved.
I'm depressed.
I'm sad.
And you are one of those people
who made me
this way I am.
You are one of those people
who sometimes makes me feel
like I am
a person
without a soul.
An animal
without freedom.
A girl
without love.

Saturday's POTD

Note: This is one of those not-actually-true poems, based on dreams I have many times at night.

I'm out of control.
My breath is choked.
My body is twisted.
My legs are lead.
My vision is dull.

Then...

I see my life
flash before my eyes.
My mother,
My father,
My sister,
My friends,
all looking at me
in utter disdain.

Soon after...

II hear a voice,
different from the rest,
more faint,
more cautious,
more realistic,
and after a minute,
it clicked.

I force my eyes open.
I see white.
I blink.
I still see white.
I blink again.
And I now see a blob
right in front of me.
My mind is filled
with questions
but I have to ask one
first.
So I lick my lips
and cough.
Then I ask,
"Where are they?"
but I have

Sunday's POTD

Second by second.
Minute by minute.
Hour by hour.
Day by day.

Week by week.
Month by month.
Season by season.
Year by year.

I still miss you
even after so long.
They say it'll get easier
but it doesn't.
Not after all these years
has there been one second
when I forgot
about you.

Do you still
remember me?
Would you recognize me
if we were to meet-up
again?
Would you care for me
or let me suffer
to save your own
skin?

Second by second
Minute by minute.
Hour by hour.
Day by day.

Week by week.
Month by month.
Season by season.
Year by year.

Oh, I still miss you.

Use a knife,
cut yourself,
it should hurt
like burning coals.
It should make you weep,
with regret,
and pain,
and remind you to never,
ever,
do it again.
But it doesn't,
not for me,
my body is numb,
like someone who was just
in a snowstorm
so when I cut,
it doesn't hurt,
I barely feel
anything.
It shouldn't be like this,
I'm wrong,
I'm alien,
and even I know this.
But what is the actual thing
that makes me different,
in a bad way,
what is it
that's wrong
with
me?

Normal,
what is normal?

I thought normal was
going to school,
until that ended.
I thought normal was
talking with friends,
but I don't have them anymore,
do I?
I thought normal was
going shopping,
but that's too wrong,
and dangerous.
I thought normal was
having fun,
but that was before.
If you see me smile,
just once,
that's a miracle
you will only experience
once in a lifetime.

Normal.
What is normal?

Now,
normal is loneliness,
the fact that no one knows,
and no one cares.
Now,
normal is a fight
between life and death,
and death is winning.
Now,
normal is depression,
and anxiety attacks,
and the fact that people
don't believe it's real.
Well,
like hell,
it's real.
Now,
normal is staying awake,
Not being able to sleep,
because whenever I close my eyes,
the nightmares,
and shadows,
await me.
Now,
normal is alien,
the lines between everything,
it's blurred.
Like a fog,
covering the ground,
making everything unclear.

If someone asks about you,
Change the subject,
Don't respond,
Ignore them,
But be polite about it.

They may think it's rude,
But it's to protect them.
They don't need to know about your life,
They don't need another burden
On their shoulders.

It's the only way,
Trust me,
Don't drag others along
With your mess,
Don't do stuff,
You'll regret.