1×1+ RPs discussion

HARRY POTTER: YEAR 6
draco l. malfoy x harry j. potter
starring:
vicky as: draco
howler as: harry

the hogwarts express chugged loudly from where it was currently positioned in the station, being kept put for at least one more minute. just as the whistle began to blow, signaling it was almost ready for departure, harry potter rushed into the station, appearing through the wall with his cart in hand. he let out a shout of alarm, and with one forward movement, hurried to put his things away. he was in no right mindset to have his things just placed neatly, so he practically yanked his trunk and other items out of the cart and set them down with no order. hedwig’s cage was included in this, and the snowy owl hooted indignantly before she was shut away. usually harry brought hedwig with him, but he didn’t have the time, not now. so she was put next to another, this one a large barn owl. turning toward the train, his hair disheveled as always and his green eyes wide with panic, his pupils contracted to small dots, harry practically ran towards the front of the train. the doors began to close before he knocked them open and entered the train, the doors closing fully as he did so.

and now that the worry of getting on the train was over, he would have to find a compartment. there would be little space open, if any at all, because of the fact that the prefects would be in their own space for the first half of the ride. heaving a few exhausted breaths, harry regained his composure and set off to find a spot, knowing well that Hermione and Ron would already be with the other prefects. As he passed their usual compartment, opening the door, he was met with small murmurs of, “sorry, harry.. this is full..” “sorry mate.. hermione and ron are gonna sit here.. their stuff is already placed, you see..” and so with yet another sinking feeling of defeat, harry went to the far back of the train. there was only one compartment left, and it was completely, entirely empty. sliding into the compartment, he closed the door behind him and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes as he awaited for the hours to steadily pass. the train began to move with one last, long and loud whistle.

Draco Malfoy was late. And his father was not happy about it.
"Draco, why did you have to be so stupid" Lucius would say when noone else was around to witness it. He got onto the train as soon as it was leaving. Not even bothering to say goodbye to his father. He could see all of the compartments were full, he even walked to the back, and was met with the pointed stares of "Sorry there's no room" When it was obvious there might have been room if they had made it. One thing Draco was not good at was making friends. Enemies were more common in his life, that's what it was like when you were your fathers son. He searches the doors, each of them clanging shut, the sound rang in his ears. clang clang clang He could feel his stomach drop into his ass. DId everyone actually hate him? Where the hell was He going to sit? Why does my father despise me? Almost as if on time he walks into a compartment which looks empty. "Thank Merlin" He sighs slightly,not looking over to the other seat until he turns around to sit after putting his packages in the overheads. Harry Potter was there. "God Potter why don't you make a damn noise" He says sitting. "I'm sitting here, so don't try to stop me." HE says turning away from where harry was sitting and pulling out a picture of the daily prophet. Of course his father was on the front page. And of course there was a gossip column about him and his fathers relationship. hes not going to be happy Draco flinches at the words his father said last time something like this got out. Fear trickles into his Face. God was he scared.

hidden away in the corner, his head pressed against the window, harry finally emerges from his own thoughts. his emerald eyes immediately lock onto draco as they open, his ears tuning in to the sound of the blonde male’s voice, but he fails to notice the paper clutched tightly in draco’s hands. if he notices the fear and unease in draco’s expression, harry doesn’t acknowledge it and doesn’t say a word on it, at least temporarily. the silence drawls out for a long while after draco’s insistent comment, before, with a hint of sarcasm, he taunts, “couldn’t find a compartment?” to add on, he lets out a dismissive snort and crosses his arms uncomfortably across his chest, sinking deeper into the plush, red seat. he’s positive that draco will most likely retaliate, but he seemed hesitant even then, and that positive slowly formed into a curious what if?. the train continues its long and winding, relentlessly provocating journey towards hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry, the rhythmic chugging of the train providing a backdrop to the tension between the two boys. the pause, the heavy silence, finally breaks with a snap as harry finally and quite suddenly asks, his voice tinged with curiosity, “so, why aren't you sitting with your fellow slytherin cronies, anyway?”

Draco gulps at Harry’s comment. “Well I-uh SHOVE OFF!” He says looking away and furrowing his eyebrows. Scrunching his nose he closes his eyes trying to sleep,but being unsuccessful. Images of his father fill his head. why is my life a living nightmare he asks himself. Before turning back to him. “God potter you don’t have to stare” he sneers. Obviously just lashing out, however he felt bad. “Sorry” he mumbles before rolling his eyes and turning back away from Harry. (((Are you good if I don’t write a giant paragraph every time? I won’t do one liners just sometimes I get writers block))

// yeah, of course! don’t worry about replying lengthily. i’ll usually keep my posts around the same length as yours! :D //

harry sighs and rubs his eyes, having expected such a response. “whatever, malfoy.” after a moment, he returns to looking at draco. he ignores the comment about staring, because he’s unsure of what to do or how to reply to it. what does catch him entirely off guard, however, is the apology that draco sends his way after lashing out. his muscles tense, his shoulders rising slightly as he recoils. “..it’s-“ he bites his tongue and looks out the window. so he just lets himself trail off, unsure of if he should accept the apology or ignore it. his mind races with, what was that about? what’s wrong with him? did something happen?

((Are you also okay if Draco has a panic attack? I want to make sure because I know it’s sometimes triggering for people))

Draco looks back at Harry. “Spit it out” he says grumpily. Still rather upset about his father. He never likes Harry but the situation was just making it so much worse. He was embarrassed, but he didn’t know why. His peers didn’t normally embarrass him, he was normally just there and everyone tolerated him. Draco looks over again and again mumbles an apology. He should feel bad. This kid was literally his mortal enemy , but he somehow did. It was like kicking a puppy. Draco looks over quickly and away, why do I care if this kid hates me or not? I hate him? Maybe it was because Harry was actually being nice to him when everyone else wasn't. god hes stupid. So so stupid. He doesn't have to be nice to everyone thats somewhat nice to him. That will ruin your chances of getting anywhere in life He thinks quoting his father.

// sure thing! you don’t have to ask abt anything. i don’t have any triggers and i’m fine with literally everything lol //

harry debates for a moment, and the longer he looks at draco, the more concerned he gets. hermione and ron would get a kick out of this. okay, maybe only ron, hermione would also be a bit uneasy, but harry? harry wasn’t ron, no matter how much he hated draco’s guts. so he hesitantly stands up and walks over to draco’s side of the compartment, sitting down. they’re still not close to each other, but now they’re both on the same side, at least a two and a half feet apart. he looks over at the paper and asks, “are you..” his nose scrunches slightly at the idea of asking malfoy whether or not he was okay, but he continues in a slightly strained voice. “..are you doing alright?”

The pit in Draco’s stomach shrinks slightly at Harry’s words. And looking at the daily prophet in his bag and the crumpled letter from his father in his hands saying that if anything went wrong he would be to blame. And it would be all his fault. all his fault. All his fault. All his fault. All his fault The words spin around Draco’s brain like a broken record. It all becomes to much. The weight on his shoulders was crushing him. He couldn’t breathe and began to wheeze slightly. His vision blurred and pinpointed. All he could see was his father, which made nothing better. Soon he’s crying. Against his consent he would like to add, and he has no idea how to stop any of it. His chest continues to tighten somehow trying to squeeze the life out of him. He wheezes louder now. Almost sure he was going to die. “No" he manages to choke out as though Harry hadn’t picked up on that yet

all questions fly out the window. harry can see the signs of a panic attack before they even happen, having been well experienced with them himself. his eyes widen and the green turns more vivid in his shock. “malfoy-“ he barely hesitates before he puts a hand on draco’s shoulder, swallowing hard. he braced himself to be shoved away, but until that point, he stayed put, scooting closer in the process. “look at me.” he mutters, pushing his glasses further up onto his nose bridge with his available hand so that they’re balanced. then, he reaches forward without much thought, grabbing hold of the daily prophet paper, giving it a slight tug.

Draco let’s go of the paper giving in to Harry. Crying and shaking and overall a mess of emotions. He was so embarrassed. “He’s gonna kill me” he makes out before continuing his routine of becoming a shaking crying ball. He tucked his legs in. And breathes. Finally he breathes. It felt too long since he breathed. He puts his head on Harry’s shoulder as there’s nowhere else to put it and hides his face like a small child. Continuing to cry. He doesn’t want to see the look on Harry’s face when he realizes what a disappointment Draco is. God he wished he could disappear. Never to be seen or heard right now. It sometimes felt like that anyway.

with a slight jolt of surprise, harry looks taken aback before he lets out a shaky exhale. what am i doing? this is wrong. what will the others say when i tell them about this? he manages to push those thoughts aside as he awkwardly wraps one arm around Draco, pulling him in closer. is he thinking about his father? harry glances down at the paper that is now in his other hand, and he looks at the moving picture and heading before setting it aside on the seat. “..breathe. breathe with me.” he whispers, both arms now wrapped over Draco. He takes a deep breath in and slowly exhales, trying to encourage for his.. nemesis? to follow along.

Draco leans into Harry. God he hated him, but why was he so kind. "T-thanks" draco mumbles, still not quite ready to move yet. He breathes shakily feeling his ribs open and close. He finally stops crying enough to move his hand from clutched in the position of holding the book to wipe his eyes. "I-i'm so sorry." Dracomumbles "Iknow im just being a burden to you" He says trying seriously hard not to strt crying again. He probably hates me eveen more now

“..why are you apologizing?” harry asks, his voice quiet. the idea of draco thinking he was a burden was a strange one, and he wasn’t used to that thought being in his head. he trembles slightly before he sharply exhales and concentrates on avoiding the feeling of draco’s body heat against his. he pushes his glasses up for a second time. one hand slowly reaches up and runs through draco’s blonde locks, feeling the smooth texture under and in between his fingertips. is this even happening? is this a dream? he looks back down at the malfoy heir. or is this a nightmare?

Draco tenses at the feeling. He moves slightly away from Harry. Afraid. He’s not sure of what. He’s just sure that he’s afraid. He would love to be a person who says his fear doesn’t control him. However it does. He moves towards the other side of the compartment. “I-I can’t” he says. His voice still shaking. He hugs his knees into his chest and leans his head back in thought. that was nice. But it’s potter. I mean potter. I hate potter. And more importantly my father absolutely despises potter Draco gulps his Adam’s apple bobbing. shit. Shit shit shit. he thinks. Potter was actually being nice and he was being a dick. “Fuck potter you make it hard to hate you” he says just loud enough for Harry to hear it. Looks towards his feet and immediately regrets saying it. why would i do that. Why am I so dumb
//this killed me to write D:\\

//ok wait so what if like eventually harry or draco either one is forced to take veritaserum and admits their crush on the other and then the other one is like. nawwwe ur good//

// that could work! that’d probably be way later though

//yeah that’s what I thought\\

harry lets draco go away, his arms slowly lowering back down to his sides. he feels a pull at his own heartstrings from the loss of contact, but he lets it happen. he doesn’t know what to say, exactly, despite the slight temper rise he feels. he’d just tried to help his worst enemy and there he goes doing- wait, what did draco just say? the raven haired boy’s eyes widen slightly in stunned silence before he looks away, moving back towards the window as he mumbles something inaudible, his eyes closing shut as he leans against the window. bloody hell, this is a mess.

“Sorry. I just-“ Draco starts running his hand through his hair and glancing at Harry. He just what? He doesn’t even know why he’s so afraid. He does actually. It’s something he’s not used to. Someone caring for you. When you have his father you get used to it and it feels so so strange to have someone not tell you to just suck it up. He knows he’ll never be enough for his father, so he doesn’t care about that anymore, but his mother. He can’t hurt his mother. She was the only one that’s there for him when his father gets so so angry. Draco wishes he didn’t mess everything up. Especially what just was going down with Harry. He wished he could go back over there and feel his hands in his hair again. It felt nice. And now he feels awful. “Sorry” he says again and just cuts it at that. Not sure what to say. He glances up and meets Harry’s green eyes. Getting slightly lost in them.

“why do you keep saying sorry?” harry snaps after a moment, eyes opening as he once again focuses on draco. “i mean.. this isn’t.. this isn’t normal, for you. you sat in my compartment without complaining,” he begins to use his fingers, extending one for each solid piece of evidence he gave out. “you had a breakdown, you let me get near you, you keep saying sorry..” he realizes that this may not be the best thing to do so he shuts up. “you get the point. so what’s wrong, malfoy?”

// apologies this is a bit short, was pretty rushed

//no worries. I know I joke about you taking a long time but don’t fret//

“Potter everyone hates me” Draco says quietly. “Even my own father.” He says clenching his hands into his palm. Drawing small amounts of blood. “I just couldn’t take it anymore, and I needed help. And you were the only person around me to help.” Draco says insistently. “If someone else were here you would not be my first choice” he says flinching a bit at his own words. “And I keep saying sorry, because all I’ve been to you is a dick. For no reason. And I feel a little bad okay?!” He mumbles a bit on the last part.

//bump\\

// please do not bump me. :) //

he wants to shout, “of course everyone hates you, you idiot! you’re foul, you’re rude! you’re not even considerate!”, but he keeps his mouth shut. his fingers twitch slightly as he hears draco’s continued apology and reason for being such a dickwad. his foot taps on the floor, a simple nervous tick before he says in response, “why don’t you just talk to someone? like.. a trusted staff, or friend. you look as if you’ve been holding this all in.” he also shoves down the words he was originally planning to say there, too. he just can’t help it.

//Sorry. I know it helps me remember. I won’t do it again :)//

Draco opens his mouth and closes it. “I don’t really have any friends” he says quietly his voice tight. He looks at his feet contemplating all of his life decisions. “I just. I can’t keep being so alone” he says even more quiet then before. But loud enough Harry could hear. “I know I’m not a nice person. But can’t you see I’m at least trying to change” he says sharpyl

he couldn’t really see much of anything except for malfoy crying, but he held his tongue and instead said weakly, “so then.. why were you always such a jerk, malfoy?” he’s been wondering about it for a few years. maybe even since first year as a whole. “i mean.. you always..” he gestures vaguely between him and draco with a finger as if to get his point across. “..you know. if that makes sense.”

Draco sighs. “I don’t know potter. Your were the one everyone loved and I was the one everyone hated. How do you think that felt for me?” He asks twiddling his thumbs and looking up at Harry before looking back down at his lap. “I mean you’re literally the chosen one. And I’m a Malfoy” he says slightly hesitating before saying his surname. “If you were the kid everyone was afraid of would you be necessarily nice to everyone?” He asks before snorting slightly. “Of course you would be. Forget I asked. Your potter the golden child”

torn between hating draco and feeling as if he should drop the subject, he slowly rises out of his seat, full attention on draco as he says sharply, “you act like my life is perfect. you’re a malfoy, and i’m a potter. so what? your reputation? long since damaged.” and suddenly, he’s right in front of draco, standing firmly in place. “you did this to yourself, you realize that, right?”

“I was a dick to you. That I brought on myself, but you know what I didn’t bring upon myself? The fact that I have been raised to become a death eater. That part isn’t my fault. How am I supposed to try not to do something when whenever I do my father screams at me saying that I mean nothing. And other things. Your life may not be perfect but you will always be the kid with the nice personality. The hero parents and the nice hair. Everyone trusts a person with nice hair” Draco realizes he’s rambling about Potters Hair. “I will be the person who’s a dick with the death eater dad” Draco says digging his nails into his hands. "It's my fault that I started out being a dick and couldn't stop it, but Is it my fault that everyone assumes the worst of me because I'm a Malfoy? Tell me potter did you ever have anyone pretend to fancy you just to tell you after you started dating that it was all a joke, because there was a bet going around that this person could trick me, because malfoys aren't used to being liked. It's stupid. So So Stupid" HE says burying his face in his hands.

//Hi Kit, I'm here when you are ready//

//erm. wrong person there. but i’m not doing this roleplay anymore along with multiple others, i do apologize for that. have a good day.

//no yeah you are totally good no worries. Is it okay if someone else continues it with me?//

// uh… sure but youd have to make a new topic for it and start fresh..