Book of The Month discussion

From the award-winning author of Chemistry, a sharp-witted, insightful novel about a marriage as seen through the lens of two family vacations.

Keru and Nate are college sweethearts who marry despite their family differences: Keru’s strict, Chinese, immigrant parents demand perfection (“To use a dishwasher is to admit defeat,” says her father), while Nate’s rural, white, working-class family distrusts his intellectual ambitions and his “foreign” wife.

Some years into their marriage, the couple invites their families on vacation. At a Cape Cod beach house, and later at a luxury Catskills bungalow, Keru, Nate, and their giant sheepdog navigate visits from in-laws and unexpected guests, all while wondering if they have what it takes to answer the big questions: How do you cope when your spouse and your family of origin clash? How many people (and dogs) make a family? And when the pack starts to disintegrate, what can you do to shepherd everyone back together?

With her “wry, wise, and simply spectacular” style (People) and “hilarious deadpan that recalls Gish Jen and Nora Ephron” (O, The Oprah Magazine), Weike Wang offers a portrait of family that is equally witty, incisive, and tender.

There aren't any chapter numbers (ugh) but hopefully we both have the same copy -

so I stopped at pg 64 at the part that starts "Nate's mother" - roughly 30%

(view spoiler)[
wow, the two families are so different

and Keru faces so much racism from his family. gross

interesting that they mentioned the pandemic too.

I like their relationship - the two seem happy (and I love the dog!) but it seems like their in laws on both sides make it tough

(hide spoiler)]

Through Part 1 / pg 104 (about 50%)

(view spoiler)[
Wow, I don't blame her for her underlying rage that she can't fully show. her feelings have been so repressed and forced to not show
for no one to voice how crazy it must feel to live like that

I feel bad for her husband too
his parents are absolutely awful and yet they feel superior and owed - like they have earned something by merely existing.

I feel bad she doesn't find the support from her own family - who is really insistent that through suffering they learn more (hide spoiler)]

Part 2, Through page 160, about 75%

stopped at "On Sunday"

(view spoiler)[ wow, the tables have turned
it was interesting to see Nate so ruffled by someone that didn't "love" Americans and actually sneered down at him a bit - for people who own guns and for him not owning property
he also got on him a bit for "letting" his wife work so hard

but wow, to STILL encounter the racism about how they should stick to their own. just awful

I also wonder what's going on with their dog. it makes me so sad their dog seems depressed. (hide spoiler)]

and done

(view spoiler)[ wow, I was shocked the brother arrived!

I liked how Keru was really coming into her own - I liked that she was so willing to still work with this family. I like that she was ready to make things different

I didn't even think of how much people who don't have children get judged by society. I'm glad they stuck to their guns - I was sad that Nate struggled to find his purpose - but if they didn't want kids, then that was their choice

this was an interesting read, but somehow, even though it was weird and very little happened, I was completely drawn in and liked this couple! (hide spoiler)]

Yes, our books are the same.

Stopped at pg. 64 same place as you.

(view spoiler)[Not a lot to add. It's obvious that neither set of parents truly care to get to know their son/daughter-in-law's cultures. Thing is, I don't think if you marry someone from an entirely different culture that you'd ever fully understand it. Not in the way that someone raised in that culture would. I think the parents need to butt out and not try to convince their kids of anything but let them learn their own ways of living, being married, and how many languages to teach their kids, etc. It's up to Keru and Nate how they want to live their lives. Cultures are very different so the main thing ALL of them need to do is simply respect every other person's cultural beliefs and differences. Being different doesn't mean being wrong. Ugh...these people need to get a clue.

I love the dog too. I always do. lol I see him as a big old active dog full of energy and love. But also can be a trouble-maker. lol

And I'm sorry, but I love my dishwasher! lol It still takes time to rinse the dishes and clear off the table, etc. So putting them in the washer doesn't make me weaker or a slob or admitting defeat. lol He's sexist! It's OK for Nate to use it but not Keru? Sexist! (hide spoiler)]

Through Part 1 / pg 104 (about 50%)

(view spoiler)[The "incident" with the woman. I was cracking up when she said she'd take a picture and send it to 9-1-1. Jeez lol

And that post saying the dog was a panda...only "half white" and also didn't belong...ugh....racist!!

I think Keru said it perfectly when she said that the problem with Nate's mother is "she demanded to be understood by everyone around her, yet was not willing, ready, or able to extend the generosity to others" and sadly I do know people like that. (hide spoiler)]

Part 2, Through page 160, about 75%

stopped at "On Sunday"

(view spoiler)[It's kind of funny to me to see names in a book like this that have Obamas and Elon Musk. The Pandemic too not sure why the mention of any of those.

The dog...yest, I hate that Mantou does seem like he's depressed for some reason. His tests were all negative so it has to be mental poor guy.

The reversal of not being loved because you're American. When I taught multicultural literature, one of our discussions and subjects they wrote on was about a time they felt disregarded due to their race or ethnicity or religion, and if they had a group that they disliked based on the same types of labels. (Something to that effect.) One of my Hispanic students had talked about feeling like that towards white people and she explained why, but my first impressions was something like, "but I'm white and I'm not like that at all!" But listening to others' perspectives and how/why they feel the way they do is a good thing because open communication (in my opinion) is the first step to understanding each other.

I think I'd love to go to an alpaca farm. They're so cute and I love the noises they make, but they spit (or so I've heard).

I appreciated a grammatical lesson in this book and a pet peeve of mine...I can't help myself. And I found it interesting that Keru corrected Nate on his grammatically incorrect statement when he said, "so what if they had less than one dozen friends," and then she corrected him and said, "Fewer." YES!!! People are FEWER and never LESS! I hear that incorrectly said all the time, but I don't correct others. I learned that in my grammar class my junior year of college. People are counted in numbers so it's fewer. Quantities like "less ice cream" is how you use less. LOL Don't mean to give a grammar lesson here but it's just something that it seems like so few people know.

And I've never heard the expression DINKS, have you? Was it really an acronym coined in the 1960's? (hide spoiler)]

Finished

(view spoiler)[I agree with your assessment. Not a lot of action or intense moments, but I loved the multicultural marriage and how they kind of worked things out. I think they have a ways to go. But I cracked up when Ethan and Nate were hitting each other and she slammed her hand down and the table and put them in their place. Grown men showing sibling rivalry like that...if fun is different.

I feel like all Keru wanted was to be liked and understood, etc. But by the end I agree, she just wanted to be herself. I'm glad they stuck to their guns too and didn't have any children except Mantou. lol They are (dogs) definitely like children. Our Daisy Girl is just like taking care of a child in many ways. It's, "Come to Mommy." They're happy with just the two of them and Mantou. As a mother I would be sad if my kids had decided on no children (therefore no grandkids for ME), but that would be their choice. I have never been a "butt-insky" mother or MIL once my children became adults. (hide spoiler)]

yay! another one we both loved!!