creative writers ❄️ discussion

hi

Thank you!!

HI

Thank you! 😊

great job, lovely!

Thank you!

That’s sooo good Jazzie!!!

Thank you, Kay!

Great set up for your plot.
Internal dialog can be difficult to write. You've done a good job.

I spent most of the first chapter confused.
Why does Olivia need to be at the pastor's house?
Why is everyone else there?
What's a Bible Box?
There are way too many people introduced.

The second chapter starts with a bang. I'm hurting for Olivia.

Would it be possible to make ch 2 your new ch 1, then work the ch1 info in other places?

You are talented and I can tell you've spent time studying the Craft of writing. I'm looking forward to seeing this story, and your writing, develop.

@jazzie this is great !! 🫶🏻

Deborah wrote: "Great set up for your plot.
Internal dialog can be difficult to write. You've done a good job.

I spent most of the first chapter confused.
Why does Olivia need to be at the pastor's house?
Why..."

Thank you!

Yeah, I can see why you're confused now. I may have added too many elements from my real life into that first chapter.....
How many characters would you say is a good amount to introduce in a chapter?

I actually haven't thought about doing that, but I'll definitely try it out. Thank you.

Aww, thank you!! And thank you for giving me your input!

Lizzy (Elizabeth) wrote: "@Jazzie you are such a talented writer! This sounds so good!"

Aww, thank you!!

ray (in my last xmas era) wrote: "@jazzie this is great !! 🫶🏻"

Thank you, Ray!

Jasmine (Jazzie) [God's Version] wrote: "Deborah wrote: "Great set up for your plot.
Internal dialog can be difficult to write. You've done a good job.

I spent most of the first chapter confused.
Why does Olivia need to be at the past..."

On the subject of introducing characters, the problem for me isn't even so much the amount of characters being included in the first chapter, but that this line:

Olivia heard laughter and quickly looked
up at one of her pastors, Mrs. Alice North and the wife of Mr. Johnathan North–Pastor Brayden North's brother–Willow.

- is confusing. For one thing, is Mrs. Alice North one of the pastors, or just the pastor's wife? I'm pretty sure she's the wife, but the wording is kinda confusing. And if she isn't the pastor Olivia is looking at, who is? Also, Idk who Pastor Brayden North is. But whoever he is, I'm guessing Willow is his wife?

Oohhh..... okay, yeah. I can see how that's confusing, sorry.

Jasmine (Jazzie) [God's Version] wrote: "Deborah wrote: "Great set up for your plot.
Internal dialog can be difficult to write. You've done a good job.

I spent most of the first chapter confused.
Why does Olivia need to be at the past..."

I'm obviously not deborah, but personally I would recommend trickling the information to the reader little by little, chapter by chapter, until they have the full picture <3

Okay, thank you, Khiara!

Jasmine (Jazzie) [God's Version] wrote: "Okay, thank you, Khiara!"

np <3

Jasmine (Jazzie) [God's Version] wrote: "Oohhh..... okay, yeah. I can see how that's confusing, sorry."

don't be sorry, i just thought i would point it out. i know i always like to get constructive criticism.

Yeah. I'm very thankful for all of y'all who've pointed things out and given my y'all's thoughts because apparently more than a few things that I thought worked or made sense doesn't really... 😅

Jasmine (Jazzie) [God's Version] wrote: "Yeah. I'm very thankful for all of y'all who've pointed things out and given my y'all's thoughts because apparently more than a few things that I thought worked or made sense doesn't really... 😅"

Welcome to the writer's life :) I can't count the number of times I've sent things to readers and they come back with huge question marks.
But that's why I love getting feedback from other people reading my work.