Aspen's World of Chaos~ discussion

*Walks in here and leans against the doorframe*

*walks in and looks around and chooses a spot on the couch to sit on*

Don't blame yourself. *looks at you, one leg crossed over my other and arms crossed leaning back against the couch*

*Shrugs*

Aspen {Semi-hiatus} ~Sex money feelings die~ wrote: "HOW THE FUCK DOES MY ASS HURT WHEN I'M SITTING ON A FUCKING PILLOW"

I wanna say sum to that so bad🤣

Jay ~THE ROACH KING!!!~ wrote: "Aspen {Semi-hiatus} ~Sex money feelings die~ wrote: "HOW THE FUCK DOES MY ASS HURT WHEN I'M SITTING ON A FUCKING PILLOW"

I wanna say sum to that so bad🤣"

*Stares* I'll snap your neck if you show any disloyalty to Luna.

I'll be back.

[Ethan] wrote: "Jay ~THE ROACH KING!!!~ wrote: "Aspen {Semi-hiatus} ~Sex money feelings die~ wrote: "HOW THE FUCK DOES MY ASS HURT WHEN I'M SITTING ON A FUCKING PILLOW"

I wanna say sum to that so bad🤣"

*Stares* ..."
(imma say one thing rq Aspen) ok so Ethan it wasn't anything involving me I was gonna say kinky

anyways bye

*Yawns*

I already napped for six hours. I'm fine

Hm?

?

oh

I’ve never had one done before…

What was it?

Can I know what they were?

*Sighs* EXplain the cards Aspen.

*curls into a corner*

I wanna know what they were *shrugs*

Oh

ill be back

Dove?

Wanna hug?

Okie *curls back up on the corner*

I do the same… with every day I have any regrets

Choosing to date arty (years ago)
Hurting Noel
Giving Noel a chance
The 18 year old that I dated at 13 who did things to me
Choosing to date Kaycee
Staying with Bryan so long
My great grandmothers face the last time I saw her
The moment I chose Lauren as a friend
Going back to Taylor
Going back to Spencer after the first time (it hurt us both)
Losing Margaret
Losing Eve
Losing Riley
Losing Janie
Trusting Onyx Autumn Oliver and them
Burning the things with my bestie
Watching my besties ex almost kill her
The day my bestie found out the said ex is engaged to the person they cheated with
Trusting Mal
Trusting Kory

Those were the ones off the top of my head… the people who hurt me or I hurt…

Stay safe dove

Do you need anything dove?

Bitch
-stalks up and cups your cheek into a small cup-slap Latina's do and look you dead in your pupils-

You're a badass bitch
You've gone through worse
Yeah, those are your faults..
But so what? You work on em. You learn to hone them in a healthier way.
You're a blatina and fuck anyone who says you ain't when I literally rubbed off my accent on you and vice versa.
I mean shit, you call me a blatina too even though I look white as hell XD
Mercedes is gone.
Yeah, you got regrets.
And yeah, you gon have to carry them with you for your whole life.
I got my fair share too.
And you're definitely gonna have days where they're gonna knock you on your ass and consume you..
But they're the waves of life.
Every feelings, every thought, is just a wave.
Just breathe and focus on that breath, one after the other, clench your fists, force yourself still.
The urges pass but you have to find the will to wait it out.
Me? I was self harm free for two fucking years because of pure sheer will.
You're struggling with that right now.
Going back to habits you weren't supposed to.
But you'll come to the same realization that I did eventually..
Life is about waves. People like us? We're fucking crazy.
Life and our past is gonna eat us up and chew us out and stomp on on like we're worthless dirt.
But the reality is what we're our own worst demon.
You might think people think of you the worst, but it's really you.
-rubs your cheeks, smiling softly-
Eventually, you'll suddenly realize that as much as you feed others emotions, feel like need people around you..
That at the end of the day, they can't do the healing for you.
They can encourage you, or test you down.
But the healing?
-taps your heart then lays my hand over it-
The healing, the will, has to come from you.
Until you realize that no one can do it for you, that you are the only person capable of healing you, that you are who and what holds you back from healing..not others, yourself.
Then you will stay in this state of mental health.
You won't get better unless you're manic.
You won't truly get better until you go to therapy and genuinely and fully attempt to open up.
Not just throw it out there but to analyze, to FEEL it, to feel everything you've made yourself hold down.
But..
-lifts my other hand, placing it over my heart-
Let me be your will to get better until you're strong enough to hold yourself accountable and keep going by yourself.
I have a strong will, I am trying, I am making progress, I physically restraint myself and fight my mind and my body from self harming, from crossing the street recklessly, from jumping in front of the bloody train next to my current house.
I alone am doing that.
Not for anyone else. Because almost everyone else will leave.
But for me. Because I deserve better not matter what my past is.
I deserve to be better, to not beat myself black and blue, to not spiral into some fucked up and black oblivion, to not be swallowed by grief, to not let myself get better.
And if me? The worst of the fucking worst.
The person even Kaden views as worse than him and a bigger monster than him and that even he is scared of?
Can find the will to not only survive..but fight to live?
-kisses your forehead then rests mine against yours-
Then so can you.
Because you might think I'm better than you.
But in my eyes?
We are equals.
We are two parts of one whole.
You complete me where I lack.
I complete you where you do.
We complete each other.
And yeah, we go through shit because of it.
But no one, no one has EVER managed to fully break us apart beyond us coming back together
NO ONE can break our bond.
No situation, no person, not even multiple.
We are a whole.
And I will be your will until you find your own.
I will be your strength when you feel weak.
Just as you are my anchor when I feel unsteady.

So rise the fuck up.
And remember who the fuck you are.
-grabs your chin, making you look down at me-
You are mi princesa.
You have been for years and will continue to be.
And excuse me for a second Ethan for saying this.
-looks you in the eyes-
You are MINE.
You hurt yourself? You hurt me.
But most importantly?
I don't let mine fall.
You want to break?
You break in arms because I will KILL anyone who dares harm you when you are vulnerable.
I protect what and who is mine.
Understood?

Aspen {Semi-hiatus} ~Sex money feelings die~ wrote: "I almost cried"

Softie

Good
Now smile for me
-pokes your cheek, grinning-
You're lucky I didn't write more.
You would've actually cried and not almost.

*stares at the ground*

[Ethan] wrote: "*stares at the ground*"

Sorry
She's js being a dumbutt who CLEARLY needed a reminder

Maybe you'll stick around long enough for me to be the same way with you

I hope so anyways.

Aspen {Semi-hiatus} ~Sex money feelings die~ wrote: "Elle ~Are you really here to cast me off?~ wrote: "Good
Now smile for me
-pokes your cheek, grinning-
You're lucky I didn't write more.
You would've actually cried and not almost."

*throws a pillo..."

-catches it and rolls my eyes- can't make me :p

Aspen {Semi-hiatus} ~Sex money feelings die~ wrote: "[Ethan] wrote: "*stares at the ground*"

*frowns* Get your ass over here ->-"

Yes my love. *rolls eyes* Wanna tell Elle our little talk?

Huhhh
I'm confused T^T....

Aspen {Semi-hiatus} ~Sex money feelings die~ wrote: "Well- now I'm ACTUALLY crying- of joy"

Those are the only acceptable tears

Ohhh
Okay then T^T
Gimme a bit cs my mom's being majorly slow with this shopping list

Elle ~Are you really here to cast me off?~ wrote: "Ohhh
Okay then T^T
Gimme a bit cs my mom's being majorly slow with this shopping list"

*throws sparkles to her pms* Get ur ass there and answer it before I break ur new TV T^T

Gimme a damn second T^T

*presses face against the window* heyyy pennyy

whatcha doinn