Problems with Life/Emos and Goths discussion

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message 1: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments I'll come out of the closet, I've cut many of times.
7xs from different things all at once. At the time boyfriend's words, my grandmother, and myself
2xs when he broke up with me.
Reason why 2 (I wanted to do more) is because (if u read the post on talking about yourself) to me he was my lifejacket in my crazy life holding me away from the deep pit of depression. But when he broke up with me, it was like my life jacket disappeared.


ⓘsⓐbεℓℓⓐ Hmmm...I've never had a boyfriend and I don't know exactly how it feels to depend on someone so much but I think you shouldn't do that to yourself. Be as strong as you can, look at the world even when your scared and take that challenge they call living. Try to see what makes you special, what makes you valueble because I assure you, there is much to be seen. If he was ever your love, or a friend he wouldn't want you to hurt yourself and stand up for yourself. Go forward not back. You have a good pair of legs, use them!


message 3: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments I get what ur saying I don't do it anymore, it's been a year and I'm clean


ⓘsⓐbεℓℓⓐ Thank you because I've just read my comment and it's starting to sound like one of those awkward talks that your parents give you.


message 5: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments a paperclip? I never thought of that. Huh, you know what hurts the most and even though you don't mean to do it? A papercut.How can a small cut hurt so much? One time I got one on my lip because I was sealing an envolop at church. That hurt like hell.


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments I've cut...people don't understand what I go through...I have friends who stab me in the back all the time...I can't trust anyone anymore...


message 7: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments aw, I'm so srry, that sucks like hell. I have that happened to me but instead of friends it is with me and my Mom, I don't trust her worth crap. Pardon my french.


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments its ok...i understand


message 9: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments Thankfully though I don't talk to her much I give her the 'I really don't care' look or a blank expression. When I am not talking but when I am talking I have to be more animated than ever




message 10: by Tyler (new)

Tyler (forourhero_thereverendsavior) | 5 comments There was in a point in my life where i had 72 cuts on my body... I was going through alot at the time.. a girl had broken up with me on birthday..My mom, step-dad were living with mt mom's sister bc they had no where else to live... I was living with my friend... I was losing some of my closest friends...My best friend in my entire died not too long ago... and I was picked on alot by the kids at my school for wearing eye liner and being bisexual... but Now I now what I did was wrong of me.. what about how my family would reacted... they would feel like failures... I couldn't let them feel like that becuase of me so I changed from cutting to putting my feelings into music and I don't regret ever making that decision.:D


message 11: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments ouch, I'm sorry about ur friend. I know how it's hard to loose some one you care about in ur life. But it's good to hear that you stop cutting.


**StarLite** Cassi | 49 comments Kayla wrote: "aw, I'm so srry, that sucks like hell. I have that happened to me but instead of friends it is with me and my Mom, I don't trust her worth crap. Pardon my french. "

i do too . it seems im alone and thats y i cut bc when i begin to grab ahold of the rail i slip and fall deeper to my own blood


message 13: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments yeah, I understand its like your in a sea of 'Life' and at times you u think your over your head and you just want to give up and drown in it.


**StarLite** Cassi | 49 comments exactly how i feel.


message 15: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments some days are better than others and other days you just want to give in. Right before I got depressed I'd found my 'life jacket' that kept me alive. I found out that music really helped me. Now when I name the band I'm talking about people well say 'well that is an emo band.' to me they're not. The people that helped me is Fall Out Boy. They've been there pumping through my computer's speakers and my ear buds too.


**StarLite** Cassi | 49 comments i listen to breaking bejamin i get wat they right about they helped me alot


message 17: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments well if music doesn't help I either read or I write either poems or song lyrics.


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments Stress, lies from so many people, the guy I liked every since 2nd grade not sharing the same feelings...I don't know who to trust anymore...I've been pushed to the edge of almost jumping off a hotel balcony once.


message 19: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments For me I was pushed over the edge multiple times mentally. Over two dozen times in fact over a 2 year period, because of my mother. She has hurt me over and over, I've been broken many of times especially she gives me a present of every time on my BDay she'll yell at me for something I've done wrong by accident like for got to take out the trash or something like that. Only twice I had a great bday that I remember once was I was visiting my Aunt's and my Mom wasn't there and the other time was last year when (at the time) boyfriend and I spent most of the night together and made out. That is been between 15 almost 16 birthdays. I can't believe it that I've delt with her that long. Its a surprise that I haven't committed suicide yet. (No I'm not going to do it at all, but its been in my thoughts for a coupple of years now)


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments im so sorry :( i understand...


message 21: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments yeah, right now she's actually being nice on my bday for once. December 24th is my bday. So that is a total shocker but then again we've been in public most of the day too. My aunt talked to me about her getting her knee's replaced (A coupple of years ago she had a wreck and the dash board took out both knees.) and she wants me to help her until she can be independent again. I don't think that is an unreasonable request because I'm homeschooled and I wouldn't miss anything with school. And there is this thing where I am a state officer and I have to attend 3 meetings a month but the lady that is head of the state would understand if I have to help her. Because she lives alone, her nice (my other aunt)is married and she's a volunteer first responder, her ex is in China teaching one of their (Southern Missouri University) sister colleges there. So I am basically the only one. What they want me to do is basically cook, clean, basically every thing she can't do around the house. That isn't bad for a 16 year old to do. That is easy. But probably my mom will say no because she'll find something wrong about it, which I know she'll do, and I will think it sucks. Srry, I'm ranting right now. Any way Merry Christmas!:)


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments happy birthday, Kayla :) and it's ok. you dont need to apologize, i rant all the time. I hope you find happiness for Christmas :)


message 23: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments well the yoke was on me. You see my Mom didn't yell at me at all on my bday which is good, don't get me wrong but my stomac gave me so much hassles that I went to bed this morning at 4:30am and I got up about 9 o'clock today because I was helping my mom. She and I was on good basis today also which is also a shocker. I have to do a test that is due Monday (I'm homeschooled to reminde u) and tomorrow I'm going to Dallas to see my step sisters and brothers, my step nefews and nices, and also my step great nice. I'm 16 and my step great nice is about 12 or 13. Crazy right? So I have about 3 hours well 4 if you have bathroom breaks and snack break also. So I am thinking either I'm going to do it while the car ride up or Sunday while I am babysitting a 13 month old while she has her mid day nap or when I get to her appartment after church. Which ever may come first. SO any way I hope every one has had a Merry Christmas or what ever holiday y'all you celebrate.


**StarLite** Cassi | 49 comments wish you da best... and have a happy new year's eve. :)


message 25: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments Well its official my life sucks. You see I called CPS (because things are getting hairy here at my home) and so Mary (the lady who is 'legally' my Mom) found out. So now tomorrow I have to get up at 6 to clean my home. But I'd called the CPS lady to tell her to come as soon as she could because I know that when the house is simi decent she'll tell the lady that she is free to talk. So you have to be sneaky on special occasions and I consider this as one of those times. So please pray for me. (I don't care about your religion just please pray for me) I hope every one has a great new years. I don't know when the next time I'll be on. I hope it'll be soon.
~Kayla


message 26: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments So I am playing a game that I am horrible at, its called the waiting game. I hate it.



x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments wow. u have alot going on.


**StarLite** Cassi | 49 comments hope everything goes good! we luv u!


message 29: by Kayla (last edited Jan 02, 2010 06:44AM) (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments its hard it feels like mom and i are playing chess, I don't know whose losing right now. But eventualy on of us will say 'check mate'. I know u guys love me why else do u put up with me? And I am really grateful too, I can say things to u guys that I can't tell my Mom which really really helps. Thanks


**StarLite** Cassi | 49 comments lol that was funny glars at evil paperclip .. lol the thing that hurt the most for me was a tic tak that hurt like hell sorry my french


message 31: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments yeah how, also I heard you could really burn yourself with an eraser.


message 32: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments mannn, call this ironic. My exboyfriend even though we are good friends he joined goodreads. GRRR..... Couldn't he tell me this through an email instead of an friends request? I am going to get him for this.......Any ideas? I have some, but most of them are illegal.


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments I cut myself with scissors. It didn't hurt. The pain I was feeling from people abandoning me hurt worse than the scissors.


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments I have some plastic ones, they are really stupid and they don't cut paper very well. I don't see the use for them.


message 35: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments i didn't know they made plastic scissors....
Okay if u grab a bomb I'll grab an AK-47 and a patato launcher too. (Its an inside joke between him and I. he offered to launch my two cats and the bird over I-45 with one)


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments O_o


message 37: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments thats because human skin is easily to tear


message 38: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments But the weird thing is I think that the skin is like 3 or 4 layers deep. I don't know how thick though, but I think its pretty thick.



x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments Scissors don't hurt at all. Or maybe I wasn't cutting deep enough. I'm not trying to get stitches so I'm not going to try it out.


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments I havent told anybody. My parents found out twice. I swore I wouldn't do it again, but I was so stressed and angry all the time, it was the only way out.


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments My mom grabbed my wrist just randomly and she felt the scabs. That's when hell broke loose.


message 42: by Kayla (new)

Kayla (musicequalslove) | 1818 comments my mom knows and she told me if I don't stop she'll put me into a ward. So that is the reason that and I am terrified of what Cassie and Geoff could do to me (My two best friends) *SHUDDERS*


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments You tried to BURN your skin off with an eraser? That sound more painful than a sharp knife.


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments i have arm warmers and long sleeve shirts.


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments i love HT! :)


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments haha my mom goes in there sometimes. idk what for though.


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments haha nice lol i like their t-shirts. they are ah-mazing


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments haha im sorry. I rather be short than tall...I'm tall for my age :/


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments i dont like being tall because all the hot guys are like half an inch shorter than me. I don't want to be the one towering over him lol


x.Lithium.x (Cappy) (scarsandguitars) | 220 comments I'm 5'3 1/4"


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