--love----to---write discussion

ok, i take it this is the place for criticism. people tell me i can be harsh so don't take this stuff to heart really but here's what i think. ok, first off, its a nice plot it definitely has a good idea. but, i think your grammar and spelling is bad. spelling you can get away with until you really come back to edit out the little things, but the grammar. thats kinda a big problem. people can have a hard time understanding the writing like when you say "...we final i could see..." it can take people a while to get it. make sure you are being consistent by either staying in first person, or third. also, try and put a return between the people talking so it makes it easier for people to read. also, don't put destiny's thoughts right after someone else has said something, that also makes it kinda confusing. and this part is an assumption, correct me if i'm wrong. but, the beginning, it seems like you want to start off with a normal 19 year old girl. normal boyfriend, normal family. pretty much an ordinary life. how often does a single mother willingly send her only daughter off to hawaii with her boyfriend? and also, how many normal 19 year olds have black vipers? if your gonna make it seem realistic at first then get into fantasy then do that, but be consistent with your genera also,yes i know this is very long. this is the last thing i promise, for the diary why don't you put the writing in italics, so that way people can see the difference and know when your done writing in the diary. finally, this is the end of my criticism. sorry if some of it seems harsh but if you use these tips i'm sure your writing will steadily get better

better. i feel this is kinda choppy though, try and make it flow a little better. really, this is really good though

yw