Students of the Restored Gospel discussion

Hi all. This is where you can write your thoughts and feelings about any conference talk from this past April conference.

This is such a good idea. So many good talks. I really enjoy conference each may. I really enjoyed the talk that is about building your testimony--one experience at a time. I think it is so important to write down these experiences and refer to them when we are not feeling as strong.

What talks did you enjoy?

I wonder if conference talks are actually getting better or if my heart is more open to being able to learn from the spirit. Conference this last April was incredible. The two talks that keep playing out in my mind and seem to be very pertinent to quote in conversations are Salvation and Exaltation by Elder Russell M. Nelson and Opening our Hearts by Elder Gerald N. Lund.

Nelson states many thought provoking thoughts in Salvation and Exaltation. “In God’s eternal plan, salvation is an individual matter; exaltation is a family matter.” Physical salvation (also called immortality or resurrection) is a gift for everyone regardless of how we live. It means that we will live forever. Spiritual salvation is made possible through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ. If we just repent and come unto Christ, we get this gift too. We will be able to live in the Celestial Kingdom after we die. But the ultimate, greatest gift is exaltation (also called Eternal Life). This means being able to live with God and like God (in the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom). It means that we will be able to keep progressing; bettering ourselves even after we die. It also means that we will be able to live with our families there too. It’ll be really cool. Heavenly Father (God) wants us all to obtain this ultimate gift. He is doing everything He can to help us get it without taking away our free agency to make decisions for ourselves.

We cannot live with God again without being married for all eternity to someone (for those that didn’t get this chance on Earth, they will get a chance after they die – how cool is that?!). As parents, we have the responsibility to teach our children God’s plan and God’s ways. Nelson’s talk gave some incredible direct and helpful counsel on how to do this. “The home is to be God’s laboratory of love and service…Our Heavenly Father wants husbands and wives to be faithful to each other and to esteem and treat their children as an heritage from the Lord.” What great motives to focus our efforts on. “…we fix our focus on the temple.” In Deuteronomy 6:7 Moses wrote, “Thou shalt teach…diligently…thy children, and shalt talk of [God’s words] when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” Nelson also said of the evils around us (like pornography) that are so highly destructive of divine potential that we need to teach our children to strictly shun them. Which means that we need to do so ourselves.

My most favorite part of this talk is how Nelson teaches us to gently persuade our children. He first quotes D&C 121:41-43 “No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;” Does that mean that we should demand immediate exactness to our expectations of our children? Of course not, but how often do we do this? The scriptures continue “By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost;” This means to me that you may use a stern, ‘I-mean-business’ tone but without hurtful words or anger. It continues “and then showing forth afterwards and increase of love towards him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy.”

Nelson continues this counsel with such greatness that I’ll just directly quote it “When a child needs correction, you might ask yourself, ‘What can I say or do that would persuade him or her to choose a better way?’ When giving necessary correction, do it quietly, privately, lovingly, and not publicly. If a rebuke is required, show and increase of love prompltly so that seeds of resentment may not remain. To be persuasive, your love must be sincere and your teachings based on divine doctrine and correct principles.

“Do not try to control your children. Instead, listen to them, help them to learn the gospel, inspire them, and lead them toward eternal life. You are God’s agents in the care of children He has entrusted to you. Let His divine influence remain in your hearts as you teach and persuade.”

I'll have to write about my other favorite talk later. I'm up against a deadline right now.

I loved Elder Nelson's talk as well. The entire time he was talking I was soaking it all up wanting to be a better parent. I especially loved when he talked how to discipline lovingly. I have natural tendencies to yell and say mean things when I am angry and I am constantly struggling with being patient and calm with my girls. His talk helped me realize that my daughters are first daughters of God and I need to treat them as such. I don't think Heavenly Father would yell at his children when they make a mistake. I feel like I'm improving in this area. I'm grateful we have church leaders who understand women and mothers and write talks just to help us!

Wow, that was great, Asia! I know what you mean about the talks getting better as you get older ;). I love how you said, "He is doing everything He can to help us get it without taking away our free agency to make decisions for ourselves." I think that is so amazing! He really is trying to help us, but can only do so much without taking away our free agency.

It is so nice to also have a guideline on how to gently persuade our children . . . what mother/father couldn't use that?

Jamie, I too have a natural tendency to get angry when my children disobey even when the things they do don’t even frustrate me. Weird, eh? I'm not trying to lay all the blame on my parents for this next part I have to say because I do take responsibility for my own actions. But I do think that I learned this behavior from my parents by the way they raised me in expecting strict obedience to their every whim (and if I wasn't then anger ensued). So I tend to naturally fall in that line and think that to discipline I need to act angry. But using fear to motivate is not the Lord's way. No matter what weird techniques we have picked up from our childhood or whatever comes naturally, we are supposed to recognize our thoughts and change them to line up with the Lord's way. And so as I open my heart to the teachings of the spirit, my reality of how to parent is changing line upon line. I am slowly but progressively becoming a better parent. I am learning new techniques, though they are very uncomfortable and hard to implement at first. In just the past 6 months I have learned how to mostly never use anger to motivate. When the boys do destructive things I take a moment to ask them why and talk about it rather than just reacting. I am discovering that they are simply curious and are learning rather than my first thought of them being destructive. I am helping them take responsibility for their actions (natural consequences) rather than taking the problem on myself and condemning them to my wrath. It’s awesome! The progress at times seems so miniscule and I wonder if all this effort is going anywhere. But if I take a look at where we were just a few months ago, I can see the remarkable difference in our family. My children seem to have much better self-esteems (not that they were timid before) probably since they are no longer shamed for their wrong-doings. Their tantrums have decreased especially at church where we don’t have to sit on the back row anymore. Anyway, I could go on and on.