Outhouse of Uncool discussion

Just bragging about his stellar teaching skills! Eventually, I'm gonna read Tolkein in Spanish.

Tonight, I learned gato malo!

Bad cat? Por qué? Do you have a gato malo en tu casa, Manders?

What's the Spanish word for hobbit?

Sadly, Spanish for hobbit is "hobbit", Dave. El Hobbit is The Hobbit in Spanish.

Jackie, I was telling Amanda about that time when Solai (the cat) hump me…. I think is a great way to teach if you add a funny story to whatever you teach… people remember the funny story and the words….

Yes, that would help the words stick, Alfonso. Tengo dos gatos buenos y negros en mi casa, y un esposo quien habla español.

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Madre Google!!! que lindos!!!!!! los gatos siempre han sido mi punto debil... me pones en un cuarto con un gato grande y perezoso y no podras quitarme la sonrisa de idiota de la cara =)

What Alfonso said according to Babel Fish:

Google mother! that pretty! the cats always have been my weak point… you put in a quarter with a great and sluggish cat and podras not to clear the smile to me of idiot of the face =)

That’s exactly what I said!!! Get me a quarter and a sluggish cat!!! And something not clear! And something idiot!!! Worst translation ever =P

Alfonso’s translation: Mother Google!!! They so cute!!!! Cats have always been my Achilles heel… you put me on a room with a big, lazy cat and you won’t be able to erase my dumb smile from my face…

What Alfonso said according to my husband:
Mother Google! How beautiful! Cats have always been my weak point... put me in a room with a big lazy cat, and you will not be able to wipe the stupid grin off my face.

Me either, Alfonso! I love my cats!

Arggg, I like your husband’s better than my own!!

Hmm, it's not that far off, actually, when you read "quarter" as a room, not a coin. Like, captain's "quarters."

I prefer "great and sluggish cat" to "big, lazy cat". It has more of a biblical intonation.

Thanks, Alfonso! He's a professional translator, so that's a nice compliment for him. (Actually, I helped with the "stupid grin" part.)

I am enjoying this quote from you:

"That’s exactly what I said!!! Get me a quarter and a sluggish cat!!! And something not clear! And something idiot!!! Worst translation ever =P"

*slaps Jackie with a salmon*

(I think she's gone now, but she totally posted after 11:00).

I have a long way to go...
:(
Alfonso get to work on more funny stories, ok?

Enough with the foofy Spanish lessons. What you need, Amanda, is to learn really important phrases that will help you communicate with the Spanish-speaking peoples of the world.

For example:

- Donde esta el bano? Si no lo encuentro, me voy a mear por todas partes misma.

- Salga de aqui, pendejo! Tu tienes una verga muy chiquita y venosa

- Tienes un destapador para mi cerveza?

Here is my translation:
-Where is the bathroom? If I don't encounter it, I'm going to your mear for every part misma.
-Brush your teeth here, man! You have a very girly verga and venosa.
-You have a destapador for my beer?

Gus, what about the all-important:

Por qué sale lava de mi culo? Mátame por favor. Si sobrevivo, jamás comere tantos jabaneros.

My translation:

Why are you drooling from my culo? Mata me, please... Yeah I'm short, jamas comere tantos jabaneros.

Sorry, Amanda – here’s my translation:

Why is there lava coming out of my @$$? Kill me, please. If I survive, I will never eat so many habaneros (extremely hot peppers) again.

Also:

mear por todas partes misma. – pee all over myself

Salga de aqui, pendejo! – Get out of here, expletive (it probably carries the force of calling someone an @$$hole)

Verga (male appendage) chiquita (small) y venosa (poisonous?)

destapador – bottle opener

Hee! I thougt a chiquita was slang for 'little girl'.

Oh, you guys. I'll be communicating like a pro in no time!

Nobody erase any of these posts, ok? I'll use them later!!!!

Okay, here are my pithy quotes, translated for you all:

- Donde esta el bano? Si no lo encuentro, me voy a mear por todas partes misma.: Where is the bathroom? If I don't find one, I'm going to piss all over myself!

- Salga de aqui, pendejo! Tu tienes una verga muy chiquita y venosa: Beat it, asshole! You have a small and veiny dick.

- Tienes un destapador para mi cerveza?: Do you have a bottle opener for my beer?

'Mandy got that last one right.

I thougt a chiquita was slang for 'little girl'.

That's true, Amanda - when used as a noun. But Gus used it as an adjective, in which case it means "small".

Sorry, the Spanish teacher in me is re-emerging.

Correcto, Senor Rusty!

Ok first, “Chiquita” is indeed Slang for little girl… but also is the disminutive form for small female object (yes objects have gender I know mad complicated!) and I think when he said “misma” he meant “mis partes”


For example:

- Donde esta el bano? Si no lo encuentro, me voy a mear por todas partes misma. (where is the bathroom? If I don’t find it I’m going to soil myself allover….

- Salga de aqui, pendejo! Tu tienes una verga muy chiquita y venosa (get out of here, dumb fuck (kind of hard to translate pendejo in this case) you have a small dick (that for some reason is poisonus??? Heheh funny))

- Tienes un destapador para mi cerveza? (do you have a bottle opener for my beer???) (this one is really really important!!! I agree!!


And finally
Por qué sale lava de mi culo? Mátame por favor. Si sobrevivo, jamás comere tantos jabaneros. (why is there lava coming out of my ass!!!!? Kill me please!. If I survive this one, I will never eat so many Jajapenos peppers !!!) you know if you could take out side effects of spice food…. I’ll eat it every day, in the mean time I know that oath!!!

Love me some spicy food, Al! Bring it on!! Jalapenos start to have less after effect the more you eat them. I will put them on nearly anything...nearly. YUM!!

Our Spanish exchange student in High School taught me to call people, "Puto Pendejo", but I never knew what it meant.

I can order a cheese burger and fries and invite you to church (Yay 10 day mission trip to Mexico City when I was 18!!), but I don't know how to spell it. The cheeseburger and fries was merely to keep from starving, our "group leader" was a major asshole and wouldn't ever let us have the english menus at Vips! Bastard...

Amelia, if you want to die slowly and painfully, try habanero peppers or chile de arbol. Be sure to have some milk, tortillas, or bread, handy. And remember, they burn twice.

It has to actually have flavor and be hot to be good. For example, I like the pickled Jalalpenos that come in a jar, not fresh ones. They don't taste of anything but burning. They can be as hot as you like, as long as they are the pickled ones. So, habaneros, they're just burning - blech! I like the habanero tobasco though.

I have to admit I'm a sissy, Amelia. I gave up spicy food several years ago at the behest of weary innards. I don't really do anything harder than Tapatio these days.

you know I don’t know how comes that with all of our medical science we haven’t come out with some sort of “ass saver” medicine… I mean imagine a juice or something that you drink after you all of them Jalapenos peppers… they could get that guy with the world record in the Jalapeno eating contest sitting in a toilet talking about the product: Jalapeno Champion guy: you know how it feels to go to the bathroom after you eat 50 Habanero peppers??? Like somebody is summoning all the demons from the underworld that’s how!!! Every time that I had to take a dumb after a contest I felt like Satan himself was coming out of my asshole! But now with the new Ass saver it feels like a cool summer breeze on my ass!! Thank you ass saver my culo never felt cooler!!!

I’d pay good money for that!!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Satan himself, indeed!

Yes, I've had that memorable sensation a couple of times, and I now avoid those dishes religiously!

Thank you ass saver my culo never felt cooler!!!

Alfonso, you should be in advertising. That's brilliant.

You know those old Tucks Medicated Pads comercials, the ones that they take one of the "pads" (which look like the old Clearasil face cleaner pads) and put out a lighted match? I dream of those things to put out the fire shooting out my bum! It's worth it though.

Okay, here’s one of my favorite latino mannerisms: If you encounter a latino with dirty hands, he will offer you his elbow to shake. Don’t offer him your elbow in return, because he’ll think you’re an idiot. You’re supposed to shake the elbow.* As with many things, I learned that the hard way.


*Disclaimer: may not be true of all latinos.

culo=ass (or does it = asshole?)
Alfonso, that's the only Spanish I learned yesterday. I'm already falling behind.

Great visual, Ames!!! ;)


Edit: crosspost with Rusty. hmmm... :(

Dear Rusty:

What the fuck are you talking about?

Christ, I'm laughing hysterically right now. That was hilarious!

My sister, who fancies herself as some defender of La Raza, but who's really about as coconut as they come - that is, dark on the outside, white on the inside - made a statement once, in front of several Hispanics, that all Hispanics applaud every time they're on a plane flight and the plane lands safety. Superstitious people we Hispanics seem to be, she said.

We all looked at her like she was some kind of idiot, and rightly so.

Rusty, did by any chance was that a “mecanico” (the guy that fix your car…) that is classic… =P they usually offer you their fore arm or the elbow you just grab it like it if was the hand they don’t want to get tour hand dirty. =P

Amanda, Buenas (general hello when you don’t know the time of the day) Como esta todo? (How is everything?)

Gus, I’ve seen Americans doing it too… the clapping thing..

Alfonso...you know that story is bogus.

Besides, the only people that applaud when the plane lands are either people terrified of flying, or rubes on their first flight.

Bugus…. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH take a flight from NY to Florida any day dude…. Every time I’ve been on that flight I’ve seen it dude….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9CSnl...

Alfonso,

I think more often than not when the elbow shake happened, they were mechanics. Is that mainly a Central American/Mexican thing? That’s who I mainly interacted with when I lived in L.A. I didn’t meet a whole lot of people from South America or the Carribean.

Although, the professor of one of my Spanish Linguistics class was a Dominican. That guy was hilarious, in a dry witty way. I still have the text book we used, which he wrote.

Alfonso, are you serious?

Man, my people disappoint me sometimes.

la puta de la cabra

Alfonso is an excellent teacher! The information I'm learning is bound to come in handy eventually...