Tips for Self Promotion, Sales, and Advertising discussion

I'm working on tightening up my blurb-writing skills. Here's my old blurb for And They Called Her Spider: A Bartleby and James Adventure

An impossible assassin stalks London, threatening to disrupt the Queen's Platinum Jubilee. Consulting detectives Bartleby and James race against the clock to track her down and stop her before she can bring an abrupt end to the Victorian era. "And They Called Her Spider" is the first in the Bartleby and James series of steampunk mysteries, set in an alternate London of airships and clockworks.

And my new one:

James is a socially-awkward inventive genius. His partner, Bartleby, is an intuitive savant. Together they run one of steampunk London's finest consulting detective agencies. The Home Office has come to them with a dilemma - the Spider, a mysterious assassin that preys on the powerful, threatens to terrorize Queen Victoria's upcoming Platinum Jubilee. Can the pair track down this mysterious killer, or will the thin blade of a knife throw the Empire into utter chaos?

"And They Called Her Spider" is the first in the Bartleby and James series of steampunk mysteries, set in an alternate London of airships and clockwork, where the Victorian age has extended into the early 20th century.

Better? Worse? Any other general blurb-writing tips?