Writer's Group discussion
My story!!
date
newest »
newest »
wow dean! this is amazng. keepnwritingi want to read more
wow dean. that was to long... i didn't read it. my writing is in my profile, check it out
DEANNNN!!!! I ENTERED THAT CONTEST TOOOOO!! MUINE IS BETTER CUZ ITS 12 PAGESSSSS!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!HA! *cough* too much laughing!
Mod
Not a movement of his body at all.
He is still in the summer, he is still in the spring.
He can not think about a single thing.
He has no brain, he has no heart.
He can not behold all beautiful art.
He can not be happy, he can not be sad.
He can not be gloomy, he can not be mad.
I stand looking at him today,
But of course he can't se me at all.
For he is just a statue, and a statue is just all.
I wrote this last year at school and its pretty cool.
Maggie... it was too long to read and yet you want others to read your work?? That's an interesting way to approach things.
This was a story that I wrote last night while procrastinating on doing my math homework. I hate math, its evil and I get more homework in math than any other time.The cool wind blows across the gloomy morning sky.I'm warm in his jacket despite my bare legs that the white sundress doesn't cover and bare feet. I look outward at the sand it is perfect and peaceful not yet disturbed by the crowds of people that come to the beach. I walk forward climbing over a rock hoping that just maybe he will show up.I run down the slanted hill onto the sand and look around, he isn't there. Hiding the dissapointment in my head I sit down.
Looking around once more directly in the angle of the sin something glistening. It's not normal it's almost like someone put glitter on a peice of paper and put it in the sunlight. The sun hasn't risen yet though. I look around as if this is this is wrong. What if I got caught? It may be irrational but I live in fear of doing something wrong and winding up in deeper water than I expected.
Padding toward the other side of the beach I realize that it's him. He must have fallen asleep. I run over to wake him up and see, he's pale, not tan as he usually is, but pale.Not the 'I got my skin bleached' pale or the 'I remembered him wrong' pale or even the 'some of my tan miraculously faded in eight hours' pale. He was Dead pale.
"Come back!" I scream, he can't be dead! He can't leave me! I touch his chest feeling his skin, the temprature is dropping and he's becomeing paler. I put my hands to my mouth inhaling his scent for the last time. "How dare I," I realize. I don't even know his name "how dare I." Tears threaten to blind me and I try to blink them back. The salty drops of water fall from my eyes, some of the tears leak through my hands and into my mouth causing me to cry more. He loved the ocean, he died in it.
I sob into his shirt, what ever happened to the magic tears of love? What happened to fairy tales?
How dare I. How dare I fall in love.How dare I fall in love with someone in a week. How dare I, how dare I, fall in love, with a man, in a week, without even knowing his name, how dare I? The words sound like a question.
A crisply folded peice of paper lie in the waist band of his shredded pants. I spy a peice of paper, I think to myself hoping to make myself laugh with good memories. It doesn't work but I pick up the paper anyway,
Dear Laney,
Your profound curiousity with everything ceases to amaze me. If you are reading this letter I am dead. No, I did not know that I would be dead, I am just extremly paranoid. Please do not tell anyone I exist ,I know you do not understand, sometimes I don't understand. I had many plans for myself that to anyone else I would list, however Laney, I trust you.
With prodigious amounts of love, Moi
I put the note back. He trusts me this much, he leaves me with his body, he doesn't want anyone to know he exists, or rather that he's dead. He signs his letter like a gay French guy istead of with his name, and I love him. I smile and wondered: What does he want? I laugh. I know what he wants and I've known it all along.
Hi DeanThis is a good start.
A couple of things may make your story a little easier to read:
1. Be sure to put a space after punctuation marks.
2. Be sure to show not tell.
3. Check spelling and grammar. Check it again. Walk away for a day or two, and then check it again :)
And always, always, keep writing.
You wrote it with lots of voice.
I enjoyed reading it a lot.
My story's on my profile if you want to read it! It's the Thanksgiving story.