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It just came to me while I was reading 102 Ways to Write a Novel: Indispensable Advice for the Writer of Fiction that I know all sorts of things about how a story shouldn't be, so why not just write like that deliberately, in a jokey, kind of self-depreciating manner, without worrying how it comes out, and then at the end of the story I can just, kinda demonstrate that I do know what I'm doing (hopefully); so I did just that.
I sat down at 6am this morning and started writing and it flowed really easily, once I'd decided not to worry how bad it might be; in fact that was the point: to make it bad and break all the rules. Then as I was walking to work, the rest of the story just came to me, and then (naughtily) wrote it down when I was supposed to be working.
I'm really happy now. Wheee!