JoeXOTic

“Carl reached up and smacked the spider with his iron arms. It went flying into a tree, and then poof it was gone.”
― Dave Villager, Dave the Villager 7: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“Carl climbed up onto the table and waddled across to the bowl. He picked a chorus fruit up in his mouth and chomped it down in a couple of bites. As soon as he finished eating the fruit, he teleported to the far side of the room. “What was that?” said Carl, looking shocked. “Eating chorus fruit can cause mild teleportation,” said the enderman with red eyes. “Well, at least they taste all right,” said Carl. “Although, I don’t suppose you have any baked potatoes?” “Unfortunately, our potato crop failed over fifteen thousand years ago,” said the red-eyed enderman. “Just my luck,” sighed Carl. “Fifteen thousand years too late.”
― Dave Villager, Dave the Villager 40: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“That is why I need someone to destroy the Ender Dragon,” he told them. “It has been terrorizing the endermen for countless years, and I want their suffering to stop. You are the first beings who have reached the End since the portals were closed, and by monitoring your body language, I suspect that you are all warriors. So, will you do this task for me? Will you defeat the Ender Dragon and set the endermen free?” The others all looked at Dave. “No,” said Dave. “We won’t.” CHAPTER FIVE Carl, Spidroth and Alex looked at Dave with confused expressions. “Did you say no when you meant to say yes?” Alex asked him. “I sometimes get words mixed up as well. Once back in New Diamond City, I got the word toilet mixed up with bedroom and… Well, let’s just say things got a bit messy. Professor Quigley wouldn’t talk to me for a week.”
― Dave Villager, Dave the Villager 40: An Unofficial Minecraft Book

“As they got closer, Dave saw that the outside of the walls was surrounded by a huge moat. The train was heading towards a bridge leading across the moat, but as far as Dave could see, there was no hole for the train to pass through. “Is this train just going to crash into those walls?” said Carl, peering out of one of the broken windows. “Which idiot designed this thing?” They sped across the moat, and Dave had a brief glimpse of a deep pit with water at the bottom of it. They were rushing straight towards the quartz walls, and in a few seconds, they would smash into them. “Everyone, brace yourselves!” Dave shouted. They all held on tightly to the seats as the train sped forward, but the crash never happened. Instead, a pair of large quartz doors opened, allowing the train to pass through. The next thing they knew, they were inside the theme park, still speeding along the train track. Dave caught glimpses of rides and shops and buildings as they zoomed forward, going deeper and deeper into the park. “Robot idiot, why isn’t the train stopping?” Carl demanded. “We’re inside the theme park now.” “When you say ‘robot idiot’, are you referring to me?” the friendly voice on the speakers asked. “Yes,” said Carl. “You’re a robot, and you’re an idiot, so I’m calling you a robot idiot.”
― Dave Villager, Dave the Villager 36: Unofficial Minecraft Books