Claudia

“Mi interessano solo gli scrittori che hanno uno stile; se non hanno uno stile, non mi interessano. Ed è raro, lo stile, è raro. Ma le storie, ne è piena la strada: tutto è pieno di storie, ne sono pieni i commissariati, pieni i tribunali, piena la vostra vita. Tutti hanno una storia, mille storie. [...] Uno stile? Ah! Sì, signore. Ce ne sono uno, due, tre per generazione. Ci sono migliaia di scrittori, ma sono dei poveri pasticcioni… borbottano nelle loro frasi, ripetono quello che qualcun altro ha già detto. Scelgono una storia, una buona storia, e poi la raccontano. Per me questo non è per nulla interessante. Ho smesso di essere uno scrittore, nevvero, per diventare un cronista. Ho messo la mia pelle in gioco, perché, non dimenticate una cosa, la grande ispiratrice, è la morte. Se non mettete la vostra pelle sul tavolo, non avete nulla. Uno deve pagare! Quello che è fatto senza pagare, non conta nulla, vale meno del nulla. Allora, avete scrittori gratuiti. Al giorno d’oggi, ci sono solo scrittori gratuiti. E quello che è gratuito, puzza di gratuito.”
― Louis-Ferdinand Céline

“I look at the blanked-out faces of the other passengers--hoisting their briefcases, their backpacks, shuffling to disembark--and I think of what Hobie said: beauty alters the grain of reality. And I keep thinking too of the more conventional wisdom: namely, that the pursuit of pure beauty is a trap, a fast track to bitterness and sorrow, that beauty has to be wedded to something more meaningful.

Only what is that thing? Why am I made the way I am? Why do I care about all the wrong things, and nothing at all for the right ones? Or, to tip it another way: how can I see so clearly that everything I love or care about is illusion, and yet--for me, anyway--all that's worth living for lies in that charm?

A great sorrow, and one that I am only beginning to understand: we don't get to choose our own hearts. We can't make ourselves want what's good for us or what's good for other people. We don't get to choose the people we are.

Because--isn't it drilled into us constantly, from childhood on, an unquestioned platitude in the culture--? From William Blake to Lady Gaga, from Rousseau to Rumi to Tosca to Mister Rogers, it's a curiously uniform message, accepted from high to low: when in doubt, what to do? How do we know what's right for us? Every shrink, every career counselor, every Disney princess knows the answer: "Be yourself." "Follow your heart."

Only here's what I really, really want someone to explain to me. What if one happens to be possessed of a heart that can't be trusted--? What if the heart, for its own unfathomable reasons, leads one willfully and in a cloud of unspeakable radiance away from health, domesticity, civic responsibility and strong social connections and all the blandly-held common virtues and instead straight toward a beautiful flare of ruin, self-immolation, disaster?...If your deepest self is singing and coaxing you straight toward the bonfire, is it better to turn away? Stop your ears with wax? Ignore all the perverse glory your heart is screaming at you? Set yourself on the course that will lead you dutifully towards the norm, reasonable hours and regular medical check-ups, stable relationships and steady career advancement the New York Times and brunch on Sunday, all with the promise of being somehow a better person? Or...is it better to throw yourself head first and laughing into the holy rage calling your name?”
― Donna Tartt, The Goldfinch

“We were never trying to deny our femaleness. Instead, we wanted to expand the notion of what it means to be female. The notion of “female” should be so sprawling and complex that it becomes divorced from gender itself. We were considered a female band before we became merely a band; I was a female guitarist and Janet was a female drummer for years before we were simply considered a guitarist and a drummer. I think Sleater-Kinney wanted the privilege of starting from neutral ground, not from a perceived deficit or a linguistic limitation. Anything that isn’t traditional for women apparently requires that we remind people what an anomaly it is, even when it becomes less and less of an anomaly.”
― Carrie Brownstein, Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl: A Memoir

“What did it mean, the first time, a thinking creature looked deeply into another's eyes? Did it take a hundred thousand years before this happened or it was the first thing they did, transcendingly, the thing that made them higher, made them modern, the gaze that demonstrates we are lonely in our souls?”
― Don DeLillo, The Body Artist