Jessi

“My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.”
― Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

“My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.”
― Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

“Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.”
― Chelsea Handler

“Nothing is worth more than this day. You cannot relive yesterday. Tomorrow is still beyond your reach.”
― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe