Jay Merrill

“14 Ways to Become an Incredible Listener

1. Be present and provide your undivided attention.
2. Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
3. Listen attentively and respond appropriately.
4. Minimize or eliminate distractions.
5. Focus your attention and energy with singleness of purpose on what the other person is saying.
6. Quiet your mind and suspend your thoughts to make room in your head to hear what is said—in the moment!
7. Ask questions and demonstrate empathy.
8. Use your body language and nonverbal cues constructively and pay attention to theirs.
9. Follow the rhythm of their speech; hear their tone.
10. Repeat and summarize what you have heard them say to confirm understanding.
11. Be open-minded and non-defensive.
12. Respond rather than react.
13. Be respectful, calm, and positive.
14. Try to resolve conflicts, not win them.”
― Susan C. Young, The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact

“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, remembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.

—T.S. Eliot, from “Little Gidding,” Four Quartets (Gardners Books; Main edition, April 30, 2001) Originally published 1943.”
― T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets

“The Physical Language of Listening

Active listening is a physical process which transcends simply hearing. Your body language speaks on your behalf as to whether you are fully present and engaged . . .

• Make eye contact.
• Nod your head; confirm.
• Use your eyebrows and expressions of emotions to show that you're paying attention.
• Lean forward.
• Listen patiently to demonstrate respect and sensitivity.
• Open your physical presence to encourage them to continue.”
― Susan C. Young, The Art of Communication: 8 Ways to Confirm Clarity & Understanding for Positive Impact

“For man, when perfected, is the best of animals, but, when separated from law and justice, he is the worst of all; since armed injustice is the more dangerous, and he is equipped at birth with the arms of intelligence and with moral qualities which he may use for the worst ends. Wherefore, if he have not virtue, he is the most unholy and the most savage of animals, and the most full of lust and gluttony. But justice is the bond of men in states, and the administration of justice, which is the determination of what is just, is the principle of order in political society.”
― Aristotle, Politics