JGV

“Y’know,” I said, holding my palms out. “That one bad egg ruins the bunch!” Maddie put her face in her palm. “You’re thinking of apples. One bad apple ruins the bunch.”
― Marcus Emerson, Secret Agent 6th Grader: 3 Book Box Set Collection (a hilarious adventure for children ages 9-12): From the Creator of Diary of a 6th Grade Ninja

“RICHARD BROWN WAS in enough trouble when he appeared before Judge Patrick Carroll on charges of robbing a shop in West Haven, Connecticut. He was already looking at 10½ years for that offence when the judge reprimanded him for his surly attitude, and ordered him to say ‘Yes, sir’ when addressing the court. At that, the simpleton blew his top. Standing up, he dropped his prison-issue trousers, turned around and mooned the bench, yelling, ‘Sir? Kiss my ass, sir!’ Ooops. Better make that 11½ years.”
― Andrew Penman, Thick As Thieves : Hilarious Tales of Ridiculous Robbers, Bungling Burglars and Incompetent Conmen

“a wail sounded from behind Firestar. “Cinderpelt! Look at my paw!” “Great StarClan, what now?” the medicine cat muttered. Sorrelpaw, the smallest of the apprentices, lurched into the clearing on three legs, holding out her forepaw. “Look, Cinderpelt!” The medicine cat bent her head to examine the paw. Firestar could see that a thorn was driven deep into the pad. “Honestly, Sorrelpaw,” Cinderpelt mewed, “from the noise you were making I thought a fox must have bitten your paw off. It’s only a thorn.” “But it hurts!” the apprentice protested, her amber eyes wide. Cinderpelt tutted. “Lie down and hold your paw out.” Firestar watched as the medicine cat expertly gripped the shank of the thorn in her teeth and tugged it out. A gush of blood followed it. “It’s bleeding!” Sorrelpaw exclaimed. “So it is,” Cinderpelt agreed calmly. “Give it a good lick.” “Every cat picks up thorns now and again,” Firestar told the apprentice as her tongue rasped busily across her pad.”
― Erin Hunter, Firestar's Quest

“HA, HA, HA, WHAT A FANTASTIC JOKE! WHAT AN AMAZING SENSE OF HUMOR YOU HAVE!”
― Dave Villager, Dave the Villager 38: An Unofficial Minecraft Series