Messyanderson

“The key to activating maturation is to take care of the attachment needs of the child. To foster independance we must first invite dependance; to promote individuation we must provide a sense of belonging and unity; to help the child separate we must assume the responsibility for keeping the child close. We help a child let go by providing more contact and connection than he himself is seeking. When he asks for a hug, we give him a warmer one than he is giving us. We liberate children not by making them work for our love but by letting them rest in it. We help a child face the separation involved in going to sleep or going to school by satisfying his need for closeness.”
― Gordon Neufeld, Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

“Children do not experience our intentions, no matter how heartfelt. They experience what we manifest in tone and behavior.”
― Gordon Neufeld, Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers