Wesley Jensen

“The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Time Paradox

“That will be her undoing," gasped Artemis, already suffering under the weight of the flak jacket. "Artemis Fowl will never be secondary."
"I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Control puberty?" snorted the bodyguard."If you manage that, you'll be the first.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Lost Colony

“I don't know why it is, Captain Short, but whenever you start agreeing with me, I get decidedly nervous.”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl