“What I failed to realize at the time is that when we try to resist feeling something painful, we often protract the very pain we’re trying to avoid. Doing so is a prescription for continued suffering. There’s also something about the action of searching that blocks us from what we seek. The constant looking outside of ourselves can keep us from knowing when we hit the target. Something valuable can be going on inside us, but if we’re not tuning in, we can miss it.”
― It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
― It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
“As small children, we develop our sense of self gradually. Back then, we had not learned how to be separate from our parents and be connected to them at the same time. In this innocent place, perhaps we imagined that we could alleviate their unhappiness by fixing or sharing it. If we too carried it, they wouldn’t have to carry it alone. But this is fantasized thinking, and it only leads to more unhappiness.”
― It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
― It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
“The greater truth would be that the love you longed for was not available for your mother to give.”
― It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
― It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
“When suffering confounds us, we need to ask ourselves: whose feelings am I actually living?”
― It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
― It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
“Written Exercise #1: Investigating Your Core Complaint Focus on a problem that’s most pressing in your life right now. It might be an issue with your health, your job, your relationship—any issue that disrupts your sense of safety, peace, security, or well-being. What is the deepest issue you want to heal? Maybe it’s a problem that feels overwhelming to you. Maybe it’s a symptom or a feeling you’ve had all your life. What do you want to see shift? Don’t edit yourself. Write down what feels important to you. Write it down as it comes to you. For example, you may carry a fear of something terrible happening to you in the future. It doesn’t matter what comes out; just keep writing. If nothing comes, answer this one question: If the feeling or symptom or condition you have never goes away, what would you be afraid could happen to you? Don’t continue reading until you’ve written down your most pressing concern.”
― It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
― It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle
Meg’s 2025 Year in Books
Take a look at Meg’s Year in Books, including some fun facts about their reading.
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